Thursday, June 30, 2011

Max pics!

Its been a while - this is Maxi-moo playing on the bed last tonight. Cute little stinker.


Tryin on moms glasses




Haha, love this!





Looking for the Monkey.....

He's pointing the the Monkey
pointing to the ball



Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Bachelorette week 5, or is it 6?

I don't even know what the hell week it is. I'm bored. If people weren't amused by my comments, I probably wouldn't be watching.
  • Of course, the episode begins with Ashley contemplateively walking around, wearing stripper shoes, talking about Bentley.
  • The soft, dickhead sound of Bentley's voice makes me want to gag myself.
  • You'd have thought he'd try to save face here. Nope.
  • Did anyone else notice the vaseline on her night stand?
  • From last week: Chris Harrison: "it's not going to be a happy ending" and it's looking like it is because he is going to choke her by the end of it.
  • "Hong Kong is the most becaustiful place I've ever been".... ummm pretty sure that was said about Thailand, LA, Vegas, Bucket (or whatever the hell the name was). Which one is it?
  • Oh my hell. Did they really just do a shot of her in the street and busy people bustling behind her in fast motion??
  • She's siting in her hotel room tapping her fingers, acting like she doesn't know Chris H is coming any second.
  • Chris is acting like her dad/bishop/pissed.
  • He is reminding her that she is really screwing up the show, without actually saying that she is really screwing up the show.
  • She is soooooo surprised! She had NO idea!! OMG!
  • Bentley "literally has flown to Hong Kong". Not figuratively, literally.
  • She wants to know if he is thinking about her. Nope, he's not. He's thinking about the free trip to Hong Kong he just got and what he is going to do while he is here.
  • ABC should have spent thier $$ on flying Dr. freaking Phil over.
  • You are going to "pull it out of his throat"? She kinda muttered that under her breath in a semi-psychotic way.....
  • She just stared at the room # on that paper for like 5 minutes. Literally, not figuratively.
  • She can't believe he came all the way here for her. Man, she's naive.
  • SHE'S going to HIM. Of course.
  • LOL, he isn't going to answer the door.
  • Oh, she hasn't knocked yet.
  • "Who is it" he yells. What a douche. He's probably buying time to hide the Asian prostitute in his closet.
  • They kissed?
  • He is totally still flirting with her.
  • She says she had a hard time when he left - his response - "but was it fun?" WHO is this guy??
  • More lying.
  • Dumb conversation.
  • He has said nothing meaningful in this conversation.
  • "I think you know where I'm at." No, Bentley, no one knows where the hell you are. Literally, you are in HK, but figuratively..... (ok, I know, overkill) Remember the 2 day flight around the world, so you could come and explain??
  • Woo, she's gettin rawled up.
  • Mission f*cking accopmlished. Good job Bentley.
  • I was hoping for a little more drama. But no, he didn't confess, didn't really play hardball, didn't really do anything but flop on the couch with a stupid grin on his face. Must have left his balls at the airport.
  • This is the first time I have seen her being intelligent.
  • Just wanted a vaca Bentley. Could have been done over the phone. She's on to him. 2 months and a lot of MY time wasted later.
  • Ding dong the Bentley is gone.
  • As I reflect, I see that I think I too needed closure from Bentley. He's been pounded into my head so hard this season, I'm not sure I'll be able to forget him.
  • She has said "closure" at least 500 times in the last segment. I wish she would closure her freaking mouth.
  • Borderline need a DP right now, at the very least.
  • Ashley finds a giant window to reflect behind, while the camera crew finds a giant EAGLE.
  • Why are they showing an eagle soaring?????
  • Wow, Ames. Post brain injury.
  • Ryan is losing enthusiasm.
  • Does Hong Kong really have all the neon and strobe lights and smog? Sounds horrible to me.
  • Yep, she's bow-legged. Either that or she spent a little more time than we think in room 4315.
  • Lucas is very observant. He sees through people and I like it.
  • He is however, pretty hick-ish. He is very uncomfortable in a non-small town. He's longing for a pasture.
  • Yeah, I don't see them together.
  • But I like him.
  • I am motion sick from the rocking of that boat.
  • Hong Kong on a Pirate ship. WTH.
  • Ashley: when a guy is on a date with you answering the “what’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you” question that you throw out every time, put your freaking fork down, make eye contact, and at least pretend interest. It might not work that way in Madawaska, but grow some common courtesy.
  • What the hell sweater is Blake wearing? 2nd sailor neckline I've seen this season.
  • The more I think, I can see Blake being gay. Sailor shirt + obsession with Ryan.....
  • Lucas said he wanted to dance, so they are, but I don't think there is music. The beat of distant gongs?
  • She will see Ryan for who he really is - cut to a WINNIE THE POO commercial. LOL.
  • She has stupid clothes. Yet another see thru, unbuttoned man shirt, tied in the front.
  • This dragon boat race - go out and find contestants - date reminds me of Amazing Race. Wait, what show is this?  
  • Good point Ben F, with the 2 Americans, who don't speak Chinese or whereever the hell they are, walking around trying to give people who don't understand them bandanas and asking them to boat race with them. They look like idiots.
  • Ok, so screw it, lets just buy some robes.
  • Glad they are making fun of the date. It needs to be made fun of.
  • OH MY HELL. Has anyone noticed Ames' arms? They are severely abnormally short. Like serisouly, rewind it. He can barely reach his pockets. That combined with the downsyndrome-ish face and the wierd social skills - we might be talking disorder here. Wow.
  • She does a lot of excercise-y dates.
  • They thought they were saying "eat it" and they were saying "idiot". That is the funniest thing ever. Sums up the season thus far, actually.
  • Ames and Mickey win. Meaningless win, but win.
  • Why, again, are we in the Orient? Why not normal towns? Normal dates? Movies, cafe's, bowling?
  • Sometimes, Max starts clapping out of nowhere. Ashley just did that.
  • She has gotten her closure on Bentley, yet she still is talking about him.
  • WINE. There is always abundant wine around. Whining from her and alcohol wine. WINE. WHINE. WINE.
  • They all notice, now she is finally ready to play this reality show, 5-6 weeks into it.
  • Is that a cow print dress?
  • Lucas, please, for the love of Sam, don't cross your legs.
  • CHEESY DATE CARD LINES.
  • Haha, Ben just leaned in for a kiss and he stuttered her head like she didn't want it.
  • He looks like a freaking dummy in that yellow sweater. Like a damn school bus. Probably the stupid outfit made her stutter. Are those gray pants? Where do you even buy gray pants??
  • Blake just told Ryan to stay, he can't come play pool.
  • Blake cannot get his mind off of Ryan. He just can't.
  • Ames just made a sincere, yet homosexual-ish attempt at romance there in the elevator. Awkward.
  • Ryan is a wierdo. He isn't even listening to her. He is kissing her hand, giggling, all bright-eyed, interrupting.
  • But yet, he gets a rose.
  • No one even likes her.
  • I am so sick of her see thru white tunic shirts I could puke.
  • Even the damn guys are wearing tunics.
  • I think the heat is getting to them. Maybe they should go to freaking Canada and cool off.
  • Note to whoever cares: on a date, I want me a TABLE. No picnics on the ground.
  • Oooh. I love J.P.
  • She doesn't deserve him.
  • From another blog: "Ignoring knee and lower back pain, J.P. continues to suck up to Ashley as she stuffs her face with ruffage and bats her fake eyelashes like some slutty female rabbit." LOL
  • There is a lot of talk this season, aside from Bentley and everywhere they go being the 'perfect place to fall in love' about mentally and emotionally being in a 'good place'. A good place for me would be in my damn bed, sleeping, right now.
  • Bentley - again.
  • "Closure" - again.
  • Hmm, he looks a little bugged. But, no, he's not. She's "being honest" and he is fine with it. Kind of dumb of  him. I'd be pissed. If I left my normal life for 30 days of fighting (literally and figuratively) for a marginally attractive girl who is super insecure, and then find out she just wasted a good month lying to me.......
  • On second thought, my life sucks right now, a free trip doesn't sound too bad.
  • Ashley has really thin-ish lips. That she purses a lot.
  • Love him.
  • They are on the right track. As they speed down the train track. That isn't cheesy at all.
  • I can't decide if it is new producers or they just don't know what to do with the show because there is no freaking content.
  • How romantic is a mass transit ride through a urine soaked, smog filled, hooker infested city?
  • I hate her shirt.
  • From another blog: "Enter Ashley’s Mind: Gee, I’ve been concealing my preoccupation with Bentley, who no one really liked except me, for about a month now yet I’ve been unabashedly getting my ass kissed by a bunch of guys who left their lives behind for the chance to travel the world and fall in love with me because they have no idea that I made up my mind at the first cocktail party. I’ve dragged them to orphanages to perform manual labor in the heat, forced them into concussion inducing fights, insisted on three hour un-air conditioned training sessions, deprived them of alcohol for hours at a time so I could cry about Bentley, and begged Chris Harrison to arrange a secret meeting with Bentley so we could be together forever. Now that Bentley made it sort of clear that I should have my period, I’ll see what’s leftover in hopes of finding a husband (maybe) before I finish dental school (maybe). That shouldn’t go over so badly. Where’s my sparkly cocktail dress and fake eyelashes? Purrr-fact." LOL 
  • Why, again, are we in China?
  • ****commercial Santa, dancing black midgets? No thank you. I'll never drink Pepsi again.
  • ****commercial I sure wish they'd quit making comic book movies. Then people would quit talking about them. Then I'd feel a lot better.
  • What better time to tell the guys than now at the rose ceremony? I can think of 14 better times you idiot.
  • She wants to get it off her chest. I'd keep anything on your chest you have there, boob-less.
  • No one says anything. They all pick up thier free drinks, which are in abundance, and pound them down.
  • No one is amused with this.
  • Ames just muttered "in hospitals". I think that was his only line this show. And what does it even mean?
  • Blake doesn't want to play 2nd fiddle. Sorry bud, you are playing like 9th fiddle right now.
  • Man those tassels are distracting. I missed that whole conversation because of it.
  • Ryan says his BP didn't rise a bit. It is because he is already hypertensive, I'm sure. He reminds me of my sisters dog. Constantly panting and heart racing, always excited and borderline out of control.
  • TASSELS
  • Bentley's name has been mentioned at least 100 times this episode. Probably more that all the other shows combined, which is saying a lot.
  • But surpassing that, "closure" has been mentioned even more.
  • They are all drinking like fish.
  • Mickey's out. Good for him.
  • He will have gals swooning at the Olive Garden or Macaroni Grill, whichever he decides to waiter at.
  • Ames in his white pants tries to properly explain why they are all mad.
  • Ryan, smiling like an idiot. Does he even have a clue what is going on? Does he even know he's on the show?
  • Chris H I think is going to slap her soon.
  • He is trying to explain how the guys might feel, since it had never occured to her to think that. He says they might feel like they are second choice.
  • She says they aren't!! Yes, they all were until 2 days ago Ash.
  • She dramatically turns the Micky pic downward facing. She should have smashed the glass or threw it over the ledge into the ocean. Just for some excitement.
  • Yeah, so I have pretty much seen her naked. Aside from her actual nipples and vagina, I have seen most of her body.
  • Lots O commercials = no substance in the show, they don't know what else to do.
  • Constantine looks exactly like a draft horse.

  • Blake is just excited to leave Ryan.
  • Man they sure try to make the most of those boobs.
  • Oh man, they are staying in Asia. GET OUT OF THE ORIENT! My hell!
  • I love those floating lanterns in the sky. Love. Want to be a part of it.
  • Maybe she wasn't cut out for this (NO SHIT).
If you take anything away from this episode - let it be:
  1. Ames arms
  2. "Eat it" = "Idiot"
  3. "Closure" x 900
  4. See thru tunics
Next week is a repeat of this week and you better believe I'm not watching it again. I don't know if I can even do this anymore.

Thanks for listening.

    Sunday, June 26, 2011

    a few quick thoughts

    1. Law is a system of rules and guidelines, enforced through a set of institutions. Ok, so it is stupid when they say the seatbelt law is now being enforced. "Yeah, yeah, the law has always been there, but now we are seriously going to pay attention. Seriously". Sucks for you. Also, Polygamy. It is agaisnt the law. But, I know cops who know exactly where they live and practice and just don't care. I just think it is dumb, if you aren't going to enforce a law, don't make one.
    2. In connection with that - ILLEGAL immigrants. ILLEGAL. ILLEGAL!!! What doesn't everyone get about that word?? Illegal, like drugs, murder, running a red light. Everyone gets punished for those things, but, nah, we won't enforce with this illegal immigrant thing. Some say, "but it stimilates the economy", blah blah, try to point out positives. Quite frankly, murder had its perks too. There are some people the world is much better off without. Drugs? Hell, I don't mind if I do! You could argue pros and cons until you are red in the face. Bottom line - ILLEGAL.
    3. And finally, Snoop Dogg.




    Pigtail braids? Diamond hoop earrings. He is 40. Ugly. Sweat suits. Loooooooong face. Smokes like a chimney. Drugs galore. Wife & kids. Fo shizzle my nizzle. I think the pictures say it all.

    Thats all.

    Tuesday, June 21, 2011

    Bachelorette week 5: I'm bored

    Well folks, I don't have much material to work with here. This season is, quite frankly, boring. Ashley is still talking about Bentley, Bentley is still not caring, Ryan is still chipper, JP is still my favorite, Ames is still....off. Nothing is happening. No one likes her, she doesn't like anyone, Chris Harrison is even getting pissed.
    "Chiang Mai, Thailand, is known for monks and temples and other sacred stuff frat boy types are unlikely to fully appreciate. It’s also apparently “the perfect place to fall in love,” since that’s mentioned 100 times."

    Here goes:
    • Ryan P is still excited. At least someone is.
    • Do I need to keep putting the "P"? Is there another Ryan?
    • If I seriously hear one more time that this is the perfect place to fall in love.......they say it every episode, 9 times, no matter where they are. No, it's not the perfect place. For sure my perfect place would not be sweaty and have Asians.
    • In fact, my perfect place was in Benj's moms basement. It can happen anywhere.
    • They get to their villa. Does production tell them to run in?
    • Someone said it. If you can't find love in this romantic environment....makes better sense.
    • Woah Ash, that isn't a shirtdress, it's just a shirt. Talk to the salesperson at Buckle next time before you buy.
    • Chris H - going over the rules of the show again. It is season 7. Episode 5.
    • "Obviously, in a place like Chen Hi, anything is possible." I don't know who said that and I don't know how to spell whereever the hell they are, but that is a freaking pretty dumb comment. What does it even mean? Obviously?
    • As she goes off with Aladdin looking guy (Ben?) Mickey sure kept a lingering eye on them. Man they were herded up like cattle watching them walk off.
    • Really, with Ben F's hair (are there 2 Ben's? Do I need to say "F"?)
    • Side note - the "F" stnads for Flajnik.... RED FLAGS popping up all over in my head.
    • Yep, pretty sure I would not fit into that taxi.
    • Ok, she wants to balance her dates with real life. Semi-smart comment from the ditz.
    • Followed by a squealing "Ohh, I want that dress!!!"
    • Woah, that old man playing a flute or whatever looked exactly like my grandpa. But Chinese, or whatever. Thai? Creepy.
    • Ben is kind of bland. Serious. Quiet. Artistic.
    • He is excited about that temple!
    • Don't say "thanks for havin me" with a gee whiz arm movement.
    • What the hell. Why am I even watching this?
    • No better person than Ashley to see this temple with? How about Ghandi? Mother Teresa? Bill Clinton?
    • Oh no. You guys are not doing a mental kiss. How gay is that. Yep, he just got to 2nd base in his mind, and pants. She got to third. She is kinda dirty.
    • I can't even believe that scene. I am officially dumber for having seen it.
    • Yeah, I am trying to deal with a teething hungry little beast here.
    • I'm ready for him to start running through the streets and stealing bread from the market with a monkey on his shoulder.
    • Um, she is borderline not pulling off that pantsuit. I can't believe I just said pantsuit. 
    • He is kind of a creeper.
    • Nick. Pink. V. Neck. Pink. Plaid. Shorts. 
    • Prediction: Nick is outie.
    • William is extra fluffy this episode.
    • She just rubbed his belly. She just rubbed his belly?
    • He just said something about 'her' friends and winked and then she had a mild orgasm complete with a moan. That was awkward.
    • Wow, this little fire dancing, Thai harp playing, belly dancing candle display is almost as awkward as a personal concert. 
    • Yep, I'm convinced William is kind of a dick.
    • ANOTHER DUMB DATE
    • "really hot" *said in a high pitch, 9th grade girl voice*
    • Ames. Poor kid. He's never been in a fight in his life. I'm not completely sure he's ever really interacted with people in his life either. 
    • He just bowed to the guy that is going to kick his ass in a second. 
    • What a geek.
    • This is a horrible date. 
    • Going to the townsquare where the villagers are watching a fight in action.
    • The guys are shitting in their neon shorts.
    • Prediction: Ames is the one who gets 'injured'
    • Just have fun with it, she says. How fun is it to get kicked in the kidney and punched in the jaw? 
    • She's beginning to think it is too dangerous........
    • Ryan wins. But really, no one wins, because Ames looks like he is going to die.
    • Haha, Lucas just said to her, "You're the one who set up this date....."
    • Yay for the Jew from Long Island!!!!!!
    • Ryan thinks for sure if he kicks the shit out of Ames he will get a rose. Frat boy is doomed.
    • Something isn't right with Ames. I'm telling you right now, something hasn't been right with Ames all along. 
    • He clearly has a concussion:

    • He looks like an idiot. Big white toothy grin all the time. Shoulders out. Poor guy. He's pretty big, actually. 
    • Oh my hell, he looks exactly like Hercules:

    • Hmmmm..... all the words in that hospital are in English. Looks kinda sketchy. Hell, maybe they aren't even in Thailand or whatever. It's all just a big set. I wouldn't put it past them. 
    • Are there new producers? This season sucks-o-potamous.
    • She keeps saying it was so 'bloody'. I didn't see one damn drop of blood. Someone said he had a bloody nose, but I didn't see it. Quit saying it. 
    • She is an idiot. 
    • They ran various tests? Do they have healthcare? Was that even a hospital? I did see a cow in the street last time.
    • Wow, that comment about Bentley changed her mood. Visibly. 
    • Weird that anyone would even bring him up...... they don't know her 'true feelings'. Probably a producer directed comment.Whatever. At least it is an attempt at shaking things up.
    • I like Lucas. 
    • Once again, she can't concentrate on the guys.....
    • I can't even comment on that golf scene. Well, this is also the girl who wants to be called 'cupcake' - so go figure.
    • Love JP. Feel bad for him. I could give him some reassurance... send him over.
    • Blake is cute. Kinda shy. 
    • What A-hole gave Ames liquor?
    • She is so surprised they have bruises! Gasp!
    • Blake is a bouncy walker. 
    • Bentley, Bentley, blah, blah, what am I going to have for lunch tomorrow, blah blah, still talking about Bentley.......
    • I hate elephant dates.
    • How is their dynamic? It sucks. What, did you think they were going to be good friends and it was going to be a fun filled day with the elephants??
    • I've said it before, but I'm fishing for material, Ben has dramatic features!! Obvious JAW, but tall, big feet and hands. I'm telling you, someone needs to kill him and study his body. 
    • Ok, that is a cool raft thing. Finally, a semi cool-ish date. Or segment of a date.
    • Love how they make it look like the guys are rowing but really, little Thai men are in the water pushing it. 
    • "PerfAct"
    • They ride elephants like they are horses. And I don't like it.
    • Billy is worried about losing the rose. The physical rose. To hell with Ashley.
    • He can be the funniest, the nicest, the most romantic, the BIGGEST DOUCHE.
    • I'm calling bullshit on this. What a jerk. 
    • She can go from normal to insecure in like .1 second.
    • Notice they all have freaking mosquito bites the size of baseballs? Or Aids...
    • Not out of malice? Yes, it is. 
    • Oh my hell, she sent him straight home. 
    • Confessional: "it was going to be hard to send Ben home, um, or either of them..... "she totally was planning it anyway. 
    • He was kind of a weirdo anyway. 
    • Willaim is an idiot. 

    • Bentley = #1 douche, William = #2 douche.
    • ****commercial the Samsung spider commercial again. Still gets me. 
    • Would be cool if Billy boy didn't get a rose either. And got kicked in the nuts. 
    • Liiiike JP.
    • What with the V-Necks? Did I miss something? I thought only gays wear them???
    • 30 year old boy - literally.
    • She looks like she wants to stab herself in the face. 
    • Yesss! Get yo ass outaa here!
    • Her dress is juvenile. Like a CA High School Prom dress. Reminds me of this:

    • He is the worlds biggest f*-:^ng jackass. In his own words :)
    • Wow, maybe some counseling would do this man good. 
    • Crawl into a hole, pull the top over, and not wake up?? A little theatric.
    • I guess Ben will be joining eHarmony and Billy boy will be in a cave......
    • Rose in the fire = also theatric......
    • ****commercial Best Buy is trying to make a duplicate of Progressive's FLO, and it isn't funny.
    • Baaaad dress for a girl with no boobs. 
    • She's feeling insecure? NO! No way! Not Ashley!
    • What the hell is Nick still doing here? Beefcake. Beefcake is a good word for him. Why didn't I think of that earlier?
    • Constantine and Ben F look the same-ish.
    • ****commercial who the hell has a 60" flat screen in their kitchen? And if they do, why????
    • Ryan P, still super excited!
    • She looks pissed off. 
    • He feels closer to the guys? 
    • Ames - ???????
    • Constantine is smart. Real. 
    • It is always freaking raining on this show.
    • Chris H: "No, that is not normal. Is that a terrible feeling Ashley?" Haha, he hates her. 
    • She felt so much for Bentley.......? I'll tell you exactly what happened. It happened to me in 7th grade. I was for sure in love with Wayne Thayer. I thought for sure we were getting married. Giddy. Always on my mind. He wanted nothing to do with me, but I managed to drag it on for the better part of a year. Buuut, she is 30, I was 13.......
    • ****commercial Man, is it just me, or just the show, but there are a lot of Asians in the commericals...
    • Mickey is kind of laying low. Sneaky. Something is going on. Either he will come out of no where and win or come out of no where and break someones neck. 
    • Ryan P is exploding with excitement!!! He can't hold still! Yay!!
    • Is Nick crying?
    • Crickets......
    • How does he know where the hell to go when he walks off? I don't think he does. He is parading through the temple grounds, all disoriented, crying. 
    • Hmmm... last week was a little tease, making us think Bentley was back this episode.... They had to somehow get us to watch this boring episode, I guess that was their way..
    • She takes the news that he is there like Elaine Benes - "Shut UP!"
    • It is annoying that he is back in the first place, but that he makes her come to him in the hotel, is just rude. 
    • I hope something good happens. Like he is more of a dick, or he all of a sudden loves her, or SOMETHING.
    • Ohh, I am so glad the guys are pissed!! Yay! Maybe, just maybe, a good episode next time!
    • I hope the next location isn't so sweaty.
    • I wanna puke.

    Monday, June 20, 2011

    Some Onion Favs











    And this, just because it makes me smile :)

    Tuesday, June 14, 2011

    Bachelorette week 4: Phucket!!

    I couldn't get past this outfit, so I had to start with it.

    
    It pretty much took me a good 45 minutes to get past this little diddy she pulled together. Mind you, it is a WIFE BEATER, CUT UP THE MIDDLE, and TIED like you used to do when you were trying to be sexy in 2nd grade. Wow.

     
    To sum the season up thus far: bad production, bad dates, stupid drama, trashy, an annoying Maine accent, a departed Mask, and an assholeio from Utah.

    Someone was heard saying: "The ghost of Bentley's diskishness still haunts week 4, and probably will the rest of the season." Well said.

    Ok, here we go:
    • Ash is putting her "bAst foot forwAArd" (best foot forward)
    • Don't say man claws
    • Wow, Nick looks like hell. He has red bags under his eyes. What does that even mean?
    • Ryan P - I am undecided on you.
    • West makes a good point. He hopes she can get the hell over Bentley and get on with it. Well, she can't, and then, she sends you home. So, there you have it.
    • It's 2011, do we really need cattle in the streets of Thailand?
    • She is going to a 'navigator' to get advice on what to do dressed like a hooker. And, pretty sure these dates were planned out about 3 months ago. Useless scene.
    • Ok, one on one is Constantine. They are going to a private beach in the middle of a tsunami.
    • Nevermind, this guy, is doing a mime show (a boat sinking, a tiny mouse died, groups of men hugging)???
    • I guess they got it, because they are just going to go walk around town.
    • No interpreters? Million dollar production, extravagant dates, wine everywhere you look, but no translator. Huge oversight.
    • "There is no where better than Thailand to start over"??? I beg to differ. Just to name a few, Denver, CO, Nauvoo, IL, anywhere in Hawaii.......
    • What the wife beater. I can't take it.
    • She thought Bentley was it? 3 weeks into it with about 10 minutes of conversation? Deep Ash.
    • ****commercial My hell, Nick needs that Este Lauder skin tone evener stuff.
    • Don't. 2 of the guys just gave each other knuckles.
    • Constantine (man that is long to type) just fanned his shiny sweaty face with the date card.
    • Yeah, this humidity isn't good for Ashley's hair.
    • Or his......
    • Woah, I'm pretty sure that Thai man riding the trike thing didn't have any LEGS.....!
    • She keeps saying things are cute. No, none of it is cute. It's all a bunch of nick-knack shit.
    • He's really trying. Good. I think I like him.
    • Minus the hair.
    • Mick-dog?
    • Constantine has a cute personality.
    • "Axactly" (exactly)
    • Prediction: Constantine is more the friend type.
    • **** commercial Wow, the clerk on that Wendy's commerical was really really ugly. Like enough that I am putting it in this post.
    • ****commercial I cannot even express in words how dumb the Jim Carrey penguin movie looks. I almost just quit this whole thing and walked out of the room.
    • It is sprinking outside (my house) and the TV is cutting out. Grrrrrr.
    • She has said cute now about 35 times. Op, 36.
    • Good point on the "he can define the difference between the excitement of a extravagant date and the excitement of a real normal day"
    • She said it - he's more friend material
    • JP said "chaps my ass" LOL
    • Wow, they are both sweaty and moist. Must be hot.
    • "PerfAct" (perfect)
    • I like her ring
    • Despite his hair (I know I keep bringing it up, and I will continue to do so), I like him.
    • TV is cutting out........
    • Wow, check out his sweet arms when he is lifting/frolicking with her in the ocean.
    • RAIN
    • ****commercial Newtons fruit thins?? They called it a cookie. They must be mistaken, because to me, it looks like a sad cracker that has blueberry flavoring in it.
    • **** commerical Sofia Vergara looks like a pig in that Pepsi commerical. Bad.
    • More rain
    • "dAvAstAted" (devastated) Man, that Maine accent with the "A's" is killing me.
    • Love JP.
    • They are all impressed she chose the orphanage date. FYI boys: she didn't. I guaran-dam-tee she didn't chose it. She wants to show her thigh and make out, not paint an orphanage.
    • Wow, she looks a lot better with her eyelashes on. That sentence doesn't sound right.
    • Cute idea, although kind of a wierdo, of Ben F to paint a picture.
    • She didn't "make it possible" - the producers did. And it was probably primarily to make up for all the trash that has been going on in the 3 previous weeks.
    • See, she is all pissed because no one is flirting and everyone is working.....
    • Has anyone ever noticed there are hardly ever any black contestants? And if so, they get sent home quick. Maybe they should have a black Bachelor next time. Just sayin.
    • WTH is she wearing? Looks like a bad attempt at something cute.
    • She was 'buzzing' around you a lot Ben?
    • He said it again!? Don't
    • I'm glad William has shut the hell up this episode.
    • Is she trying to keep her hair wet? Sweating? What?
    • Well, the 3 guys standing there yapping about everyone they don't want to get the rose for sure aren't getting it.
    • ****commercial Yes! A Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts movie! Looks good!
    • ****commercial Plump eyelash = sex? I don't get it.
    • JP just sat her right down in the mud.
    • SWEAT
    • He got shy. So cute. I used to do that with Benj when we were dating all the time.
    • Oh, wow, they are getting pretty down and dirty here....
    • RAIN
    • Ames: I'm hoping the date card is good news? What the hell else would it say? Sorry, you are pretty ugly and I think you should just go....
    • Blake is having a hard time with Ryan. Really.
    • Breaking rules, calling foul play? Is this soccer?
    • Wow Ryan, that was pretty desperate -slash- dense of you.
    • ****commercial Again, funny Samsung spider commercial. Gets me every time.
    • ****commercial Kevin James, I expected better from you. Talking animals?
    • ****commercial Fergie is not ok. Not good. Nooo.
    • Yeah, I think Ames is gay. Or something. "Different" is the word she used, I guess.
    • Zero social skills
    • Everyone is constantly wet in this episode.
    • The last minute is the best minute? What about that last struggling breath you take when you die?? I bet that minute sucks. Dumb saying.
    • Why the hell is she laughing?
    • Witty? Am I missing it?
    • I don't think he is trying to be funny, and by some stretch of her tiny imagination, she thinks he is.
    • Phucket is the pArfect place to fall in love.
    • Did she say bath water?
    • He speaks very intelligently. I don't know how to take that.
    • What. The. Hell. are they eating? I thought it was ice cream, put I'm pretty sure it's not.....
    • He is interesting. Wierd.
    • "intangible"?
    • "expAct" (expect)
    • HUGE difference without her eyelashes.
    • He just reminded me of Eric on the Little Mermaid.
    • Why is she laughing at him? It's not funny.
    • Of course he's been to Thailand. Twice.
    • SPERM! Hammerhead?!
    • Oh, he has no list, eh?
    • I think his high opinion of her is a little premature.
    • RAIN
    • Don't say "indeed"
    • Why the hell is she laughing?? They must be cutting out some of the conversation.
    • Man, she sure looks different on the confessionals. Non-wet.
    • Yeah, he confirmed it. No one, not even him, thinks he is funny.
    • Much less drama this episode.
    • ****commercial That guy on the Cymbalta commercial looks exactly like Ronald McDonald but with gray hair. Creepy.
    • Ashley "lAft" (left)
    • That back drop looks like pretzels. Mmmm, pretzels.
    • She wants to see which ones can potentially break her heart? Duh
    • Her lip pursing is enough to make me want to slit my wrists and do pushups in saltwater.
    • West is sweaty too. Reoccuring theme, apparently.
    • After that conversation, I clearly think he is ready. And nice. And worth a try.
    • Nope, not ready = go home.
    • She's an idiot.
    • She's fishing for praise.
    • I like Lucas - southern man.
    • "How do you plan on keeping the passion alive?" Trick question. Let's just make-out.
    • Blake is really focused in on Ryan this week. I don't think he has even mentioned Ashley once.
    • Ryan, you didn't get that.
    Me? Annoying?

    • It has nothing to do with your happiness. You are ANNOYING. He is clearly saying it.
    • "You can't hang with the fact that I'm freaking happy a lot? I'm sorry I'm not grumpy a lot!" Comparison to soldiers in Iraq????????? IRRELEVANT!
    • Kind of sad. I thought there would be more behind that nice smile and bubbly persona. But nope, just a chest, bursting with love, like a Care Bear.
    • WTH is that backdrop behind the bitching Blake? Ikea showroom?
    • I always wonder where/when Chris Harrison picks up the knife to ding dong that glass. Always.
    • ****commercial Your hair is 10x stronger after 1 use? That is kind of bold to say.
    • Ashley: there is a dot dot dot, the door is open. No: The door is shut, and there is a period. And he is also laughing at you.
    • Whoop - just saw her crotch there
    • OMG! She's adding another rose! Look at the looks on thier faces! Jaw dropping!
    • Speaking of JAW - almost forgot about him. Man, someone ought to study his freaking skull when he dies. Something is wrongo-bongo.
    • He looks like one of those cartoon drawings you get of yourself at like Lagoon or something where your features are all exaggerated.
    • William = short
    • Bad choice on chosing Nick.
    • Oh for hell sakes, half of them look like they are going to throw up. Stop it.
    • Vest = NO
    • Sad. West. He's ready. Seizure. Bathtub. Die.
    • She looks down her nose with her chin up a lot. You feel me?
    • Awkward to watch him get into the car about it
    • She was worried about 'filling shoes'. Brad, too, was worried. And that isn't working out so much.
    • Cheng Mae is the pArfect place to fall in love.
    • Ohh, a fight in the next episode??! Hospital? Ashley upset? No!
    • If Bentley isn't back to tell her the truth I'll be pissed.
    Thanks for listening.

    P.S.
    Em - Amanda, if there are typos, don't text me about it. It's late, just leave me alone.

    Sunday, June 12, 2011

    words and phrases that suck

    I have been compiling a list of phrases that just irk me. It's getting pretty long, so, it's time to get it out. Inspired by a FB post, I also have a few words that I hate. This is kinda long, FYI.

    PHRASES:
    • Fat and Sassy
      • I don't even know what to say. It sucks to be fat.
    • At the end of the day
      • I know everyone hates this, so I don't know why people are still saying it. At the end of the day, I will get ready for bed.
    • Pull up your boot straps
      • First off, I don't get it. None of my boots have straps. And second, it is the last thing you want to hear when you are having a rough go.
    • Yes and No (when answering a question)
      • Benj says this daily. No, it is either yes OR no. If it is both, you need to rethink it. That is like saying it is hot and cold, dead and alive. It's just dumb. It sounds dumb, it makes you look dumb. Knock it off.
    • I'm so excited I just can't hide it
      • No comment.
    • Peace out. Word.
      • I literally heard a guy say this last weekend at a gas station in Beaver. Don't.
    • He's robbing the cradle
      • He's not robbing anything unless he has her at gunpoint. He is going for a younger, hotter woman, and he is probably a creeper. There is no need to being a cradle into it.
    • Boy toy
      • Meaning you are just screwing around with a player. Sounds like a 90's hick thing.
    • Bestie
      • Referring to your 'best friend'. Hate. And, it looks like "beastie" which is quite opposite of what you are trying to say.
    • Crotch Rocket
      • Do I need to say anything?
    • Over the shoulder boulder holder
      • Being bosomly blessed, I have heard this many times. It makes me feel like a backwoods Arkansas whore. Hate it.
    • Pin a rose on your nose
      • Hailing from Full House in the 90's, this just irritates me right down to my bones.
    • Cowboy Up
      • I get the point. Don't put it on your truck.
    • The bees knees
      • WTH?
    • Same Diff
      • Same Difference. Same. Difference. Same Difference? It doesn't make any sense. Do you even know what those words mean? Don't shorten it to 'diff'. This is usually coming out of a 12 year old boys mouth.
    • Anywoo
      • Are you trying to be an owl? Be funny? Get sick of saying Anyway? Holy hell. And it always has to be an annoying person saying it, which makes it so much more annoying.
    • Woot Woot
      • Mostly this is typed. Really, even when you are excited, would you really, outloud, say this? 
    • Last hurrah
      • Don't.
    • So Cal
      • As in Southern California. I hate this. Hate. Hate the stickers on peoples cars, hate when black people say it and hate it even worse when white people say it. YOU AREN'T COOL.
    • The reason being.....
      • Usually people are trying to sound smart. They usually follow up with a dumb comment.
    • Nard-dog (as a nickname?)
      • Penis.
    • Live, Laugh, Love
      • Overused. Not that inspiring. Overused.
    • It's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away.
      • I want to choke whoever says this next until they can't breathe at all. George Strait, it might be you.
    • Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars.
      • I don't even want to talk about this.
    • Pein-dog
      • My brother says this about his unit. It is funny, in an annoying way.
    • I'm not going to lie.....
      • usually followed by something that sucks.
    • Not so much
      • As in, I love heroin. My wife? Not so much.
    • No Strings Attached
      • = bullshit
    • Oh no you didn't (with a black head nod thing while saying it)
      • It was funny once or twice
    • A penny saved is a penny earned
      • No, you idiot, a penny saved is just a penny saved. Saving something you already have doesn't equate to making or acquiring a new one by any stretch of the imagination. Dumb.
    • The pen is mightier than the sword
      • Wanna bet?
    • Good things come to those who wait
      • Generally, good things happen to people who go out and make it happen. Don't just freaking sit there.
    • Between a rock and a hard place
      • Really, a rock isn't that hard to walk around. What is a 'hard place'?
    • Sooner rather than later
      • If you are in such a freaking hurry, just say 'soon' or 'NOW'. Don't say that stupid sentence.
    • Comparing apples to oranges
      • The point could be made much more clear with something more like 'comparing wart-hogs to ice cubes' or 'comparing toenails to hand sanitizer'. Maybe I am just dramatic.  
    • Like looking for a needle in a haystack
      • This is funny because, after someone says it, I almost always stop listening and picture an old farmer, searching his barn for his prized needle of his sweet little wife's that he lost, and I get into this whole big scenario in my head. Wait, what are we looking for?
    WORDS:
    • Heinous
    • Epic
      • OVERUSED
    • Guac (guacamole)
      • vaginal infection
    • Pustule
    • Uber
      • said by excited gay men
    • Delish
    • Chortle
      • Benj says I do this when I laugh.
    • Masticate
    • Waft
    • Sauerkraut
    • Nard (again)
    • Winningest
    • Tepid
    • Clobber
      • I think of a German slobbering and yelling with a club in hand. Not a pleasant picture.
    • Curdled
    • Wolverine
      • Not only do I hate the word, I hate what it means
    • Pork
      • sounds.....porky
    • Gnome
      • looks awkward in word and for real
    • Wiener
      • Penis
    • Taut
      • An ugly way of saying a perky boobed blonde haired cute girl. Not me.
    • Guesstimate

    I could literally go on and on. You know me and bitching. Anyone have anything to add? Comments? Questions?

    Bachelorette tomorrow! I have no sitter and no DVR, so we'll see!