Tuesday, October 27, 2009

3 people I'd rather DIE than be in an elevator with

I saw somewhere someone posted the top 5 people they'd like to be in an elevator with, and with me beign the pessimist I am, automatically thought of a few people I freaking can't stand. I had to share.

#1 Carrot Top

Do I even need to exaplin myself? Quite possibly the most nauseating, galling, grating person I've ever come across. Just the name Carrot Top is enough to throw by stomach acids over the edge. I just threw up in my mouth.

#2 Rosie O'Donell

This picture kind of sums up 2 people I can't tolerate. Anyway, she's not funny, she's not cute, she's manly, she's boisterous and innapropriate and I think she has stupid things to say and obnoxious opinions. I might try to hurt her in an elevator. I could take her. {Don't say 'comic relief' in the background and don't wear that jean jacket and hold it like that}.

#3 is a 3 way tie between Jerry Springer, Dan the Laptop Man, and The Osmond Family.
Jerry is obvious.

"Dan, the Laptop Man" seriously says some of the dumbest things I could even imagine saying. He's even got his freaking kids doing it. I aplaud the whole "entrepreneur" thing, but my hell. (EX: "PC Laptops makes me all warm and fuzzy") And it's not just that loathesome statement, he emphasizes awkward words and parts of words. (EX "PC Laptops, We love YOU") You have to hear him to get the full effect here. Kind of like saying 'You peed your pants' instead of "You peed your pants." Like it is normal to pee yourself, but you peed your pants?! You feel me? I may have lost a few of you there.

and lastly, the Osmonds. I hesitate to say this because my in-laws are big fans. They are all into watching Donny on Dancing With the Stars (which really, those last 7 words is enough for me to be turned off and tuned out and dry heave a little). I'm not really sure what is is about these people that bothers me so much. My mom has a strong influence on me about them growing up, but I am not sure she knows why there is such a huge disconnect there, either. They are CHEESE city to start with. I don't know even what to say, but I for sure don't want to see, talk to, or dance with any of them. It is annoying just solely how big that stupid picture is.
While posting, I decided I really don't want to be in an elevator with anyone. It's awkward because I feel like people are eyeing me thinking "She could use the exercise, why the hell didn't she take the stairs?" and so on. I also just don't want to fake smile to people, start dumb conversations, chat about 'what floor' you are going to, or really make any eye contact.

Why so much negativity you say? There are few I'd like to, or at least wouldn't mind, meeting in an elevator. Ashton Kutcher being one. When it really comes right down to it, I'd be uncomfortable because he is beautiful, so maybe not. But for sure the black Allstate insurance guy. (Is it bad to say 'black' right there?)

I serioulsy love him. I want him to read stories to me at night. I want him to rub my feet. I want him to talk to me about important life decisions, eat popcorn, and watch a movie on a snowy night. He is so calming and soothing, I just want to sigh, and, kind of, switch to Allstate insurance, really. This is really strange for me if you know me at all to be so intrigued a African American Insurance salesman.


The Hovers said...

Don't!!! Especially the allstate guy...? You might need some counseling about that in general. I agree with all your elevator people, though. Except Ashton. There are better ones for sure. Like ?? Now I can't think of anyone. Ashton is fine I guess. Use him for your example. I don't care!

The Hovers said...

I just realized that I am surprised one of your pet peeves isn't "posting a comment on someone's blog." Especially when, after signing in (username AND password) they have you VERIFY a random word. Why the security on a blog? Huh? Huh? Are there that many SPAM things going on with blogs? I guess so. But it still is annoying.

Brooke said...

I LOVE him too! You should watch 24. He is President Palmer. He plays a great character. Let me know if you would like to watch more of him. I've got him on DVD.

Sarah said...

Brooke you are funny!

lacey and Jeff :) said...

I'm just barely reading this so late comment. I totally agree with the allstate guy. I absolutely loved him in 25. He was my fav character for sure I don't think I watched many of the episoides he wasn't in.