Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Bachelor - week 4

Well the Sunday night Sean & Catherine wedding show was full of more to talk about than this episode. Let me just say this: There was absolutely NO NEED for that segment to be 2 hours. It could have been easily summed up in 30 minutes. But no, ABC decided to fill an hour with them talking about awkward sex, lingerie, and wether or not they "are ready to get married". Good hell, I hope they are, it's too late now. My mom literally got up and walked out when Sean was shopping for lingerie. Sean donned is famous gay pink shorts and they road-tripped from CA to TX - and please don't tell me they didn't slip up during a week alone on the road. I know it's a cute idea and all, to save yourself, but I'm 101% sure they didn't "save themselves".  Hell I drove to St. George with Benj in high school and we screwed around (not all the way, but you get what I'm saying). Come on. The term Catherine, bless her Filipino heart, made up of "grown sexy" was absolutely stupid. It doesn't make sense, and even if it did, her wedding decor certainly didn't reflect it. It was more "fluffy pale rose" or "drab and tooooooooo long" if I were to use words. It was clear she just wanted to jump his bones, and that is all she could think about. Sheesh, she even said she wanted people to think about going home and conceiving that night after being at the wedding. WHY on EARTH was there a "honeymoon suite cam"????? Really what purpose does that serve??? I wish they had spent more time interviewing Bachelor people that were there (Arie, Jef, JP & Ash, etc). I actually really like Sean and Catherine, I think they are cute, and I teared up a little with their vows. I was anti-Catherine until like the second to last episode, but now I think she is darling. But WHY the camera in there? I'd be nervous all night ABC still had it running somehow and were going to blackmail me later.

The show tonight started with Camilla saying she has a wedgie, JP proceeding to pick it for her, and then we flew to what I feel like is one of the 2 armpits of the world. I thought we were at freaking war with Korea... apparently it is NK we don't like, but it is all the same to me. Anyway, they yap about how beautiful it is, while the camera spans a street packed with buildings, people, dirty uuky stuff, neon signs, prostitutes, and slabs of raw meat. Not my idea of beautiful.

Group Date:
Evidently JP was saying k-pop, and I thought he was saying "gay-pop" for a good 10 minutes. I'm thinking Beiber, N'Sync, Boyz2Men, etc. My mom thought he was talking about cereal. When I said I thought the 5K glowstick date in Utah was worst ever - that wasn't a challenge for JP to come up with something worse - but he did. A k-pop (what IS that???) concert, in South Korea, where the girls back up dance for an unknown techno-ish girl band at a mall. I sat there with my mouth open the whole time, not even knowing what to say.

Neon 80's Zumba clothes, is I guess what I could say. One of the band members had on some sort of horse harness bondage thing, and the other had huge stars on the sweater on her boobs. JP had tight red skinny jeans on. Not 10 minutes earlier, my family was talking about how NO guy, hot, gay, straight, whatever, looks good in red skinny jeans. I just couldn't even focus. It was very visually disturbing, all around. I don't know how in the world that situation can help him decide who he wants to marry. Kat seems to continue rapidly climbing the annoying scale, thinking she is FOR SURE the most amazing dancer ever to walk into that mall in South Korea. Nikki brings up a good point - maybe she should stay there and be their backup dancer. After all, she REALLY liked it. Kat even muttered "everyone is watching me!" at one point in her little boastful schpeal, and I giggled. I kept thinking I really wish he would have brought Sharleen on this date. Drama would have happened I think. I bet she would refuse, leave, or look really awkward, which would have been good entertainment. For the night part, they go to some sort of outdoor garden thing, the sign in front said "Furniture Museum"????? and Nikki actually starts a bit of unnecessary drama. While describing Kat she shook her boobs and said "who wants some guacamole!!" and I have no idea what that means but it is freaking funny. Really Nikki was just pointing out the obvious, that Kat is annoying, especially when it comes to dancing. Tall girl dancer was a dancer too and never said a word about it. I bet I would be painted as the biggest bitch if I were there. Just me being so blunt and not taking shit, then for sure the producers would flip it and edit it to make it worse, like they did here. There has been talk about awkward kissing the last few weeks. I think I have pinpointed it. It is him. He prematurely sticks his tongue out, before lips touch. (I will insert here that it is extra awkward with Sharleen because she also does that, so America sees a whole lotta tongue we didn't want to see.) I'd be fine if tongue wasn't a part of a kiss in the first place, just in general, but I for sure don't want to see it.

Let me deviate for a moment here if I may, and talk about Clare and her face.

I will preface with: I like her a lot. I think she is really super cute and pretty and nice. I would be very possessive if I were in her position too. However.... Her eyebrows are an inch too arched, making her look chronically surprised. Aaaand her poor mouth gets stuck in this awful half opened state, making her look like she is about ready to "swallow something big" - as dog girl so eloquently put it. Or like she was smiling, but forgot. Anyway. 

He must see something here that literally NO ONE ELSE IS SEEING. Her social skills are level awkward. JP even went as far as to say "She's my favorite right now" - wow. She somehow thought it was ok to dress in high-waisted shorts (could be ok) with black nylons underneath (NOT ok) for this date. She also painted on her Korean eyebrows, just for the occasion. Their date is filled with awkward street strolling, sitting in a weird sacrificial building in their socks, and a lot of me trying to figure her out. For dinner she puts on her best opera dress, while he wears a deep v-neck sweater and jeans. To raise the level of awkward, he makes her stand in the middle of a courtyard and sing opera, and even more awkward, he stops her after like 2 seconds. More gross kissing. I was crossing my fingers that him asking about kids would send her home, clearly she doesn't want them and she would be a super weirdo step-mom, but nope. To quote - JP: "how many kids do you want" - she avoids question for 10 minutes - JP: "so really, how many kids?" Shar: "me?" No, the other girl standing behind you - you big idiot. Of course he's talking to you. I just want her to go home. 

Group Date
Seriously I wrote down like 2 things for this, because the first part of the date - dog girl walks out in this

and I was so distracted the rest of the time. You know how I love onsies, but with those boots making her a foot taller than the other girls, and 3 feet taller than the Koreans, and her ugly face, I just couldn't let it slide. Anyway, they find a sweaty, horribly wallpapered 6x6 room on the 18th floor of a building to do some Korean karaoke in (sounds so fun!!.......), go in some duck shaped paddle boats, and then do the fish pedicure. Eh. A tiny bit of drama happens that night when JP makes it a point to say he isn't kissing anyone else because of his daughter. Good concept = too late. Now it is just awkward for the girls who have 1. already kissed you and now you don't want to, and 2. for poor Lauren, who I think may have been a touch drunk, and tried to kiss him, he gives a BS excuse and turns right around to kiss Clare. Which was pretty ballsy and actually quite a bullshit move of him to  after all that. If you say you are going to do it JP, do it. Don't do the "I love my daughter, I am a dad, have to be an example, BUT her lips were so nice, her teeth, mmmm, I just couldn't help myself..." yada yada. Come on.

It is at some palace. The girls are gawking at how gorgeous it it when my mom mutters in the background "it's not beautiful, it makes me sick. I hate it." Agreed mom. ABC has the set decorated with huge drums all around, not really clear on why. I was hoping they might use them for some sort of going away party for the girls leaving. Sharleen, oh Sharleen. She comes out in this pale yellow jumpsuit with gray cheetah print. Maybe she didn't care because she already had a rose. Maybe I'm way off. Holy shit. And whoever had on the neon yellow dress was bad too. BUT by far the worst, was Elise and her green pageant dress, boobs hanging out, and glitter shorts on underneath. To make matters worse, as she stumbled down the rock path of misery to the awaiting limo, she held the dress so that we could see the lining and the full short. Gag. Glad she went home. For a fun little side story on her..... check here. I think the blackish girl who never talks needs to go too. 

I was pretty bored with this episode. 

I honestly couldn't think of any place worse than South Korea to go, except maybe Boliva. Again, JP thought that was a challenge and surprised me with Vietnam. Good ole' NAM. It is such a great, romantic place that like 80% of the soldiers who were there in the war have now committed suicide. Should be fun. 

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Bachelor - episode 3

This is prob going to be a short post - it wasn't full of dog porn and drunken crazies like last time...

It starts off with Chris coming in in wearing this little getup - making me question why I am watching:

Cassandra gets the one-on-one, and true to her emotionless-zero-personality self, she seems ecstatic......  As kind of a side note - there is a lot of talk this week about kids. The phrase "single mom" was said minimum 4 times and I stopped counting. We get it. JP has a kid and he loves her and stuff. A lot. 2 of the girls have kids (and probably more of them) and yada yada. Got it. Before the Cassandra date, JP is force feeding his little girl el pollo while he and his parents have a picnic on the beach. Pretty sure his dad had garment tops on under his open button up.

Cassandra date:
She gets out of the car in a red onsie. Yep, I just said that. I don't give a shit who you are, onsies are for babies 24 months and under. Period. {{Please ignore the fact I wore a one-piece flesh colored onsie jumpsuit for Drill Team in High School. We were cool tho, so that is different.}} They get into a jeep that is painted like the Mexican on the movie Planes:

and, to be honest, I was semi annoyed. I'm thinking to myself there is NO NEED to get in an obnoxious Mexican jeep like that.                   Aaaaand, just kidding, they just drove it into the lake. It actually is pretty cool. Jeep turned jet ski. Cassandra is her awkward self and just squealing, looking at him awkwardly, not knowing what to say, dressed like an idiot. Thus far (haven't gotten onto the yacht yet) she has said "This is my first date in 3 years" x4. Scratch that, now it is x5. Got it, sweetie. It's been awhile. He takes her home to his pad and they cook dinner, which I think is cute. Again, she has awkward pants on. He can tell she is weird - he calls it shy - but whatever, and his idea to loosen her up is to salsa dance. Um, JP, **unless she is Mormon** the best say to loosen someone up is to get em drunk, not salsa dance. K? She is again carrying around actual photographs of her baby. Can you even get those printed these days? And she has no purse, is she literally just carrying them? Baby daddy is black. Just pointing that out.  To me this date was a lot of "This is my first date in 3 years", ugly clothes, and one too many uncomfortable pauses. I'm not in love with her, but she gets a rose.

Group date:
Reason # 44335645 I'd be a shitty contestant on the show, I hate soccer and being sweaty. Bat girl - I don't even know her name. Oh, I guess she is dog girl too, so dog-bat-looking girl: please go away. You aren't cute, you aren't nice, and again, you aren't cute. I wish she would shut her yapper. And also break her nose and leg. 

Do you think Miss Free Spirit shaves? I just saw armpit and wondered. Maybe it was JP's pit. Red team kicks ass and they are on to the night part of the date, where the girls are more comfortable in their skanky dresses and lots of makeup. I like Nikki. I REALLY need her to get some dark low-lights, preferably before next weeks show. But I like how she wants to learn about him. All the other girls wait for him to ask questions, but she is aggressive and asks him. Andi got a little hanky panky in the kitchen, and I wish ABC had spared me watching her straddle the counter and come 1/2 inch away from seeing her blurred va-jay-jay. They make out and she is SURE she is getting the rose. Charlene. This chick confuses me. Starting with her ethnicity. But she seems different, and old soul? A friend text me about her, and I quote: "Charlene. Gag. Can't. Stand. Hate. Puke. Worst. Kisser. Those are all words you can use in your blog about her." Hahaha, so some of you don't like her, some do I guess. JP seems to really like her. Free spirit girl - I think her hair was wet at the end of that date, and there was no swimming. Take what you will from that. 

The one-on-one was between Chelsie and Elise. Elise (age 27) was 300000% positive it was her. Confidence was shining beams out her face.  Chelsie got the date {FUNNY} and then Elise continued the rest of the show to bitch about it and how "young" Chelsie (age 24) is and how she isn't ready to be a mother, etc, etc. 

Still undecided on her. She seems a little playful and I haven't seen a real serious side yet. She does look a lot like a friend of mine Bridgette (Let it be known I think my Bridgette is gorgeous and cuter than Chelsie **and single**  ;) cheeks? smile? )

The "car dance" to Mexican music - reason #44565 I'd be a bad candidate (I'd tell him to turn that shit down immediately and pull over for a DP with extra ice so I can pop an Ativan on my way to an air-conditioned airport). He takes her to try Venezuelan food, and after she takes care of the violent diarrhea I'm sure she got, they head to jump off a bridge. We shall back up here and take a gander at his shirt that is WAY TOO SHORT and pause for a moment and soak in the awkwardness. It is almost a belly shirt. 

We jump back to the mansion where Elise is still whining about Chelsie getting the date and how young she is and how she isn't ready to be a mother.

I hate to break it to these 2, but if the rope breaks, that dinky helmet will then be wearing YOU for protection. She gets super freaked out about jumping. He is like the calm whisperer, my hell. He can calm anything down. Side note - NO ONE looks good in an ass harness. I've worn one once on a date and I pray I'll never have to again. We did end up married, so I guess my date didn't think it was that bad. She decides it wasn't the diarrhea that was making her sick and choses to jump. They jump and he immediately kisses her, which I thought was kind of a strange time. Just because it will be cool to tell someone about later "I kissed a girl upside down hanging from a bungee on a first date 10 seconds after we jumped" doesn't mean you should. He seems to be trying to talk serious-ish at dinner and she has a lot of funny, light-hearted-dumb remarks but nothin real solid. He gives her the rose anyway. They then get a private concert from Billy Currington and he isn't looking so great. His back up guy has also seen better days.

It was awkward half-fast half-slow country music to dance to -  but they improvise.

Last day:
JP sneaks in early morning to cook breakfast for the girls. *Cute* He's looking to see them in their "natural" habitat - LOL. The first one down is bat-dog girl, who literally covers her face and runs. What a loser. Seriously rude. And vain. That food looks good, and I love how JP says "pee-yam-as" for pajamas. They decide to have a pool party instead of cocktail, and they all dawn their swimsuits. Then, the producers thought it would be a great idea to scan the boobs of all 15 girls, close up, while they rub themselves up with lotion. Classy.
Again, i'm confused with Charlene. I just can't tell if she is just super classy and not reality TV material, or if she is a bitch, or asian?? or what. I like Clare. Reason #43 i'm a bad candidate = if i let my hair air dry after the pool I'd look like this. Older, of course, but the hair part. And the expression on her face part. Not to mention makeup.
Renee again takes on the mom role as Clare has a minor breakdown. I think she is a dark horse. By the way, that bathroom is a MESS. With 15 (or whatever) girls and I'm sure a maid or two, can we not get things picked up?? I'm working on that with my 4 year old son for hell sakes! Man, I bet JP, and all the Bachelor's in history, and men in general I guess if we wanna take it that far, are so tired of crying and whining and bitching. Wowza. 

Rose Ceremony:
Charlene is wearing an origami dress and I do not likey. The black girl with the frizzy hair and neon flower in her hair - I don't even know her name - but come on - really??? I felt like I was looking at my 2nd grade yearbook. Elise, the pageant girl, has donned a red sequin pageant dress and is ready for action. What's that? - free spirit has her hair semi-done? And a dress on? Huh. Too little too late. You all know how I feel about bat-dog girl having her dumb dog there (see last post), but he DOES NOT NEED TO BE WITH YOU AT THE CEREMONY ON A LEASH AND WALK UP WITH YOU TO GET THE ROSE. REALLY. REALLY???? Man she annoys me. ABC apparently thinks it is still necessary for Chris to come out and announce the last rose, like no one can see it. Free spirit goes - great. Christy (never noticed her, other than bad makeup) goes. She is wearing sequin shorts and walks out to interview and says she thinks her time was botched because she wasn't very outgoing. No, honey, I'll give you 3 reasons other than that. #1, you cannot do makeup. This is actually a really good picture of you and it's still not good. Please stop using white eyeliner, it makes you look like a frightened deer. Nude. Nude is in. 

#2, You wore a wedding dress and a head piece on the first night. Enough said. #3 You sealed the deal when you somehow decided to put on sequin shorts for the rose ceremony.

I call bullshit on Sean and Catherine not having had sex yet. Big. Fat. B.S. I'm excited to go to Asia and see if we can do some genealogy and find out Charlene's roots. I call for a one-on-one to the Family History Library!

Monday, January 13, 2014

Bachelor episode 2

Clare: First of all, Clare, you aren't part Mexican. I don't know who told you that but I can easily look at your and your family and see - nope - no latinos there. Please quit saying it. She is one of my favs tho. JP pulls up in his batmobile to pick her up. He actually comes inside the house to get her so we get to see Cassandra with her lame cat shirt on again (see previous post). **Side note, I thought the girl with the dog was pulling a "hey, here is something to remember me by" stunt by bringing the dog on the first night. No, no, it is actually in the mansion with them, has it's own bed, the whole 9 yards. I hate that. Really bad** I thought it was strange and awkward how all the girls followed the two of them to the car, but really cute that he blindfolded her (which was semi-unfortunate because it screwed up her hair). At this point I am very distracted by her sheepskin coat lapels. He whisks her to the winter wonderland and she happened to find some snow boots, and they play like kids. It actually looks way fun, I'd like that I think. They jump back to the mansion to interview some girls and what do you know - Lucy is standing there naked - and everyone acts like it is normal. Of course no Bachelor scene is complete without a hot tub scene, so they have a portable one there and Clare cannot keep her hands off him. I can't even pay attention because of her rubbing his back, his thigh, his face. She of course gets a rose, which he has to trek thru snowbanks to get. Couldn't they have put it on a pedestal next to the tub?? Now Clare dons some kind of another weird collar, a furry one, maybe a dead rabbit? and they are lead away thru the fake forrest to find an incredibly hairy Sasquatch man singing for them. I think it is weird that auto-correct just auto-corrected Sasquatch and capitalized it. They sway and rub and make out and she says something about how she knows her dad is watching. I kind of hope not, I was pretty risqué but I wouldn't be bumpin and grindin like that in front of Chief Ekins. I like Clare, and this was just the "tip of the iceberg". 

Kat: She is pretty fun and bubbly. She has a weird shaped face, almost like her chin is so skinny it disappears. She is pretty though. They drive to an airport and she is dreaming big - New York, Miami. JP comes out wearing a modern Richard Simmons sweatsuit that lights up. Re-read that sentence. I never thought I'd ever have to type that. Wow. Anyway, and hands her some neon 80's workout clothes. At this point, if I were her, I'd tell him to take me home. Well, her dreams didn't come true and she ended up in none other than our very own Salt Lake City, actually in Lehi at Thanksgiving Point (how did I miss that??!). The "date" is them running a *?#@?": 5K glow in the dark rave bullshit thing. Wow. Next to this date with Selma and Sean, it might be the worst ever. {{IF you go to that link, mind you, let us just have a word about Sean's pink shorts. Whatever, we remember them from his season, and you can clearly tell what my feelings are about them. BUT did anyone else notice HE HAS THEM ON AGAIN when he and Catherine visit JP and have their feet in the pool??!?! Catherine needs to reign that in ASAP}} One thing I noticed on this "date" was that both her and Clare said they needed to use self control and restraint around him to keep from jumping him. I understand he is cute girls, but get ahold of yourself. JP said the word "spontaneous" and pronounced it sponta-knee-us. Keep working on it buddy. Soo, they pretty much ran and ran and danced and possibly did some drugs and then he gave her a rose. I don't even think they talked. Kinda weird. 

Group date: I hate to even waste time talking about Lucy, but I will say this. She likes to hold hands with the other girls and run around. Then she randomly flashed the camera. Benj happened to walk by during that and muttered something under his breath about how bad he hates the Bachelor. So they are doing a photo shoot with dogs. A guy comes in with a BLUE beard and says who knows what because I was staring at his dumb beard. One of the girls says "there was a lot of sex and pooping" and I'm glad Benj didn't walk by then because he would have been pissed off. They have to dress up like the dog they are assigned and it is all "in the name of charity". The dog lover girl gets put in a flesh colored jumpsuit (reminds me of my high school days) and gets painted like a bald alien dog. 2 girls get assigned to do a naked shoot, which I think is BS of JP to even ask of them. Elise pawns hers off, smartly, to Lucy, who is practically begging to be naked, and poor Andi is upset. Blue beard tells them it is ok to be uncomfortable because it "isn't about you, it is about a good cause". Bullshit. You could tell a girl, "hey, sleep with me, it is for a good cause" or "go kill that little kid, it is for charity" and that doesn't make it ok, or comfortable. I kind of wish Andi would have told him no. She tells JP "I'm the only one who brought a one piece" which I kind of love about her. He calms her and she decides to do it. Random camera change to Lucy, outside walking a dog, butt naked, down the street. Whatever, wants attention, crazy weirdo, but really, isn't that illegal?? Back to the shoot, they are doing the naked one and Andi is sitting with her leg up (hello va-jay-jay!) and Lucy is all open and JP there with just a sign over his genitals, and guess who walks by again? Benj. Makes me pause it and yaps at me about watching weird dog porn and how trashy and stupid this show is, yada yada. Unpause. Night portion of the date gets crazy, and cold apparently, because they are all wearing blankets. Victoria is clearly completely wasted and twerking by herself in the pool. Some of my favorite quotes she mumbled before her breakdown: "Juan Pablo is my boyfriend. If he was my boyfriend (huh?) I'd straddle that every day. That is what life is about, straddling people." and "I gave him the hymen maneuver today, he owes me". I assume she means the pretend heimlich maneuver she did at the photo shoot? She likes her hymen, that is for sure. And one more "who's leg do I have to hump around here?". She then has a complete breakdown. She went from twerking in the pool to hysteria in the bathroom in about 2 minutes - all because she hadn't had her one on one time. Mama Renee tries to help and calm her (as did nurse Nikki) but to no avail. She tries to leave the building and the crew won't let her go cause she is so out of control. Someone tells JP, who comes to try and talk to her, and she is a complete BITCH and ignores him. Apparently she was then hauled to a hotel to de-freaking-tox. JP was cute with the girls about it and pretty much said he felt sorry for her. He gives the rose to the dog lover, who I have now pinpointed, looks exactly like a cartoon bat. I think she is annoying and not cute and needs to leave. And take her dog. Her response to the crew about getting the rose was "I don't have to pack my bags! That is a lot of stuff. I can just sleep in!"

Victoria: He finds her in a hotel the next day, like a pimp finds a whore, and she acts like a 13 year old little shit girl. She says "I guess I should apologize" about the "bathroom issue". I use the term "bathroom issue" when my tampon leaked or when I have diarrhea, not when I have a crazy breakdown. I have other words for that ;) I feel bad for JP, like he is dealing with his 6 year old, explaining why it is wrong, why she has to go home, etc. I am so glad he sent her home right then. Classy. 

Rose ceremony: The reporter Amy in the green dress awkwardly smiles all the time, and, well, it is awkward. Who is in the long sleeved gold dress? She looks like the Golden Globe Trophy. I think it is the half blackie girl with her hair straightened. Her hair looks much better straight. Poor Cassandra brings pictures of her son to the ceremony, for an unknown reason, and cries over them. I'm not saying she doesn't miss her son, I'm just saying, don't bring something that will make you emotional or sad to an event like that probably. It's like bringing a picture of the person who murdered your mom to her funeral. Kind of. Anyway, so she has a mild breakdown and again mama Renee is right by her side and talking her thru it. JP gets there and calms her also. He really is very comforting. He is good at empathy. In the meantime, however, I think her right nipple is showing. I am good with the girls who left and feel satisfied. 

  • Lucy. Needs. To. Go. 
  • The girls all seem to be pretty friendly with each other. Talking, hugging, etc. 
  • I really like Nikki but I think she might be better with darker hair. Her hair is so blonde and her brows so big and dark, it freaks me out. 
  • I feel like JP puts out a lot of the drama on the show, making it hard to blog. They clearly have the normal producers back again this year so I can't make fun of budget cuts. It is just too normal to have any good material thus far. Sorry folks. Here's to more alcohol, crying, nakedness, and craziness next week. 

Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Bachelor - episode 1

First of all, every time I hear the name "Juan Pablo" I want to throw up {enchiladas} in my mouth.  I hate his name - can he not just pick Juan or Pablo - or GARY or BILL - or something normal? He is cute,  I'll give him that. At least they didn't chose another Ben.
Juan Pablo says he wants to find someone who is a good example for his daughter. I hate to break it to him, but the Bachelor Mansion is *probably* not the best place to find that.... I like Sean. I like that the producers are making Juan Pablo take english lessons, his accent is as thick as my thighs (and ultimately causes a problem later in the rose ceremony). They do the obligatory "bachelor-running-shirtless-lifting-weights-etc clip that we can all do without, and throw in a shower scene, which was very unnecessary. I think it is cute that his fam and daughter are staying in LA about it. I thought it was cute to do a Photo Booth and a dance party. I hate that the cement is always wet. 

So I watched the desperate Sunday night pre-show and the first episode and I'm having a hard time getting my groove back (damn ECT), so here goes my first extremely judgmental post of the girls.