Bachelor week 4 (did I skip a week?)

Well folks. Well well well. I was kind of grasping at straws this episode. Felt really boring to me. So this may or may not even be amusing..... The layout will be each date, per date, the rose ceremony, and then general comments. Here we go:

Selma:

Sorry, this comment cannot wait until the end. Sean not only shirtless but walking around, junk and all, in tightie blackies! Thank goodness they weren't whiteies! I can only take so much upper thigh and partial genitals, and I get enough from the girls..... not to mention I'm thinking of this guy as my OBGYN/boss....Ok, phew. Sorry that couldn't wait.

Selma:

Cute dimples, huge boobs, already talking about making babies with him. I wonder if she felt really awkward with a greasy hair bun in yoga clothes getting onto a jet via red carpet. I felt dumb for her. Paraphrasing: "all 110 pounds of this" as she points to herself..... that whole thing didn't go over well with me. 70 lbs of that is in your bra honey. They end up in what looks like Hildale, AZ to rock climb. In the middle of the summer. She hates this. I freaking hate this. I literally cannot think of any worse date - and I am serious. I have thought about it. Hot, middle of no where, hot, guy you don't know, hot, cameras in your face, hot, hiking, hot, then finding out you are rock climbing, which means, yes, that beloved ass harness that makes things protrude in your crotch you don't want protruding. Of course he takes the bottom position so he can keep an eye on that sweaty harnessed ass. Eww. Of course they make it to the top, but they couldn't have done it without each other. They each others rocks, their motivation, their partner to conquer this fear and this rock. (That was really almost what they said) GAG me with a spoon. At some point while bitching about the date, she said "I feel puffy" which I thought was funny. I too, feel puffy. I loathe the sound of the crow or eagle or whatever dessert bird they capture flying overheard. Hate. At this point I was ready to turn off the damn show and go to bed. But no - it gets worse. They sit on top of the rock and that damn harness does some horrible things to his crotch, which is in pink pants in the first place, and makes me throw up in my mouth.

Dinner: I get that he didn't want to go for any sort of glam for this girl, I get it. Sit her on a blanket on a rock. A huge velvet lovesac in the back of the jeep? But no, he chooses a trailer park. Yep. They get straight to business by skipping the food (do they ever eat anyway?) and going straight for the wine and snuggy time. Ok - clearly he is Christian and fairly devout, so they say. Obviously she is Muslim. Anyone see a problem here other than the #1. we are at war #2. have completely different beliefs about God and religion and #3. have completely different values, etc etc etc. But hell, shes a pretty face with huge boobs who was willing to do the show, so whatever. So as Sean is sitting there probably almost bursting out of his pants, she is telling him with her puppy dog deer eyes that her family is Muslim and very conservative (like cover your face if you are a woman conservative) and so she really can't kiss him. Can't kiss him not because of her beliefs, but because her mom would be mad. Which tells me SHE doesn't really care, she is just scared of her family, which she will get over pretty quick here. Never mind the limo and plane ride over where she was falling over him like a floozy wearing her tank with breasts hanging out and skin tight pants. I almost saw nip a few times. (Let me clarify that I think she is really pretty). They rub each other awkwardly and stare uncomfortably until the cameras turn off and I'm sure have a huge make out session, where mommy couldn't see. She gets the rose.

Group Date:

Day: Roller Derby. Genius idea. Nostril is annoying and ugly and I hope she goes away soon. Real soon. I found great satisfaction in watching the lie, the arrogance, then the fall, then the her being gone off the show for a while. Best part of the night. I thought this was really rude of Sean to take Sara on this date. I get the whole not discriminating against her and building her confidence - but come on. If you have a not so great sense of balance, you fall. If you fall, it is hard to get up, one-armed, in roller skates, on an inclined track. Even after he talked to her I thought it was bullshit. Also, I think she is really cute. Sean said the word "physicality" like 25 times in this segment. I don't even know if it is a word, and if it is I don't like it, nor do I like it being said by him that many times in a row. Then Sean realizes how stupid he is for picking this date and says lets all just skate around in skin tight roller derby costumes. *Yay!!*

Night: First shot of Sean shows him sporting a spiked hairdo similar to the one my 7 year old nephew wore to church last week. It was unfortunate that Amanda returned, looking like puke, trying to milk her injury. Funny conversation of the two of them trying to "see" the "injury" and it was decided they really couldn't see it, then Sean gives a quick awkward kiss-a-kid-who-fell-off-a-bike peck on the chin. Ohhhh Tierra. Like I said, I had hopes for her. I'm starting to think she might be just bat-shit crazy. The only thing holding me back from that thought was the look she gave the camera after her talk with Sean after the meltdown, because she knew he was getting the rose. Pure evil. She is the perfect drama bitch. She was like, “should I have my meltdown here? Or over here? Where would you like me to act like I want to quit the show, but only so much that someone has to talk me into it and make sure I’m somewhere where Sean might walk by. Do I look more pathetic and vulnerable with my hair behind my ears, or all disheveled?” I felt bad for dummy (forget her name, wedding dress first night girl) sitting there in her swimsuit all weird.

Leslie:

I didn't even want to watch this because I knew what was going to happen. She's nice, so it is sad, but she also looks exactly like a female version of Tiger Woods, sooooo....  Que Sean's outfit. #1 Sean's body type cannot wear skinny jeans. That is like Benj wearing skinny jeans (both stalky-ish and bigger one top). Skinny jeans are for gay men and small skinny men, ONLY. #2 Don't wear a vest like that unless you are actively participating in a rodeo or you are a groomsman. and #3 DO NOT wear a mock-collar underneath all that mess. Wow. It was bad. I couldn't help but think that her HUGE mouth, literally half her head (like those puppet bugs on Sesame Street) she was going to catch a bug. I hate that she said "Winner winner chicken dinner" That phrase is horrible and should never be used. I angrily turn off the radio whenever KBULL93 says it. I could come up with a better rhyme in the next 40 seconds. She gets on a mediocre dress, then picks a bag that doesn't match and jewelry that doesn't match and they head off to some romantic building. Too bad she didn't do her hair, that would have made this less awkward. Mid-way thru the conversation Sean mutters the phrase "Sometimes it looks good on paper but it just doesn't work", clearly setting her up for his next move, sending her packing. Here is where things got tacky. He/she or whoever it was took the necklace off before she got in the van, no, not the limo, but the van (see budget cut comments below). Just keep it on and have the producer freaking take it back later! Don't! Let's not make a shitty moment any more shitty, shall we? This date ends worse than I could have imagined, with Sean listening to a sad solo concert by himself, draped over the banister, holding the un-given rose. Then when the music stops, he drops it 3 stories down and if breaks, as if to signify how much I wish I could throw myself off of a 3 story banister right about now.

Ceremony:

I hate when contestants say they want to "win" - it makes it more of a game and not about love. I can't believe I just said that. The chocolate joke was badddd. Had that awkward joke not ended in an awkward kiss she may have gone home. You can't kiss her then send her home. Nostril is in a flapper dress with 20's hair and a bruised jaw, super greasy face and maroon lipstick - sexy. Oh that was nice of Tierra to apologize! Annnnd I spoke too soon. The second that was over she uttered that the apology was "fake and forced". I hate when people answer "yes and no" (see sidebar pet peeves). I don't know who said it but I hate it. I think Catherine is cute. I love how at the actual ceremony all the girls stand there like they are at a funeral, looking solemn and desperate (and a lot of them look sweaty??). They glare into him like they will literally kill him if he doesn't call their name. So nostril goes home - thank goodness. She is sent out the back door, interviewed, and then just walks off over the wet driveway. No limo? (see general comments below)

General comments:

I cannot confirm it but I think there is some sort of different producer/staff/director, etc this year. Something is off. The camera shots, and CLEARLY the budget has been cut. Amanda apparently had to walk home because they didn't have a limo for her. Sean and Selma's jeep evidently had no gas or a technical problem and wouldn't start. Usually by this time in the show they are off in Tahiti or London or something are we are still in dingy L.A. And looks like next week they go to Montana....

Watch Tiara's eyebrows. They move and they move in a weird way. Just watch.

I cannot believe how freaking short all the skirts are this year. I know they have been in the past, but it seems extreme this year. It's only a matter of time before we see some labia. I want to say more about it because it is so bad and almost disturbing to me, but there isn't anything else to say. It is just bad.

I'll tell you where the budget is going - the alcohol consumption. Wowza. Every scene has wine, beer, wine, or wine in it.

Danielle looks like Brittney Spears on a bad day. A bad, psycho, didn't do your hair, smeared makeup, at Wal-Mart with the kids day. Notice.

Promo for next week's 2 episode extravaganza is out. of. control. It shows Tierra, in Alaska, in a bikini at a lake, running thru iced over water, apparently fighting with someone, then shows her (and a few others in the background) in thermal blankets in some sort of a medic tent, then her in what appears to be life flight with frozen arms in a Frankenstein position, complete with dripping mascara. Seriously. Really? Let me just interject that they made it seem like someone pushed Tierra down the stairs that one episode and they didn't, and that she pushed Amanda at roller derby and she didn't, so the promos are clearly making it more extreme than it is. And I fall into their little trap, because now I will for sure watch to see what kind of trashy drama will happen.