The Bachelor Week 5

Lindsey:

I didn't know Lindsey's name until last night. I didn't really care because I thought she was dumb as a rock and was just scooting by, but apparently he really likes wedding dress girl. For confirmation of my "dumb as a rock" assumption, the first words out of her mouth as they look at the helicopter they are going to get into is "Is that a helicopter?". They put on some matching lumberjack shirts, fly to an Indian reservation, aggressively kiss, then have dinner under a huge moose head. She muttered something about not knowing how she ended up here, or where she was, or what was going on, but she was glad she made it. Aggressively kiss. They go to "town square" for a personal concert where all the townspeople show up and then she says "it doesn't get any better than this". Really? A concert on an Indian Reservation in Montana, freezing, on a platform with about 30 people watching you post moose-head dinner? I can think of a few better situations. She does a Ashley Herbert spider monkey move on him and it is over. This whole thing got about 8 minutes of airtime. She gets a rose.

Group:

Selma dawns an ear-warmer that looks suspiciously like a turban and they head to the backwoods. Again, Sean invites Sarah on a group-date where she can't do anything and she has a internal struggle behind cameras. Did they say "buck hay"? You'd think I would have heard that term growing up in a small town. Turns out, bucking hay is the exact same thing as carrying hay, just has more of a ring to it. They enter into this lumberjack competition where the winners get more time with Sean, likely on a rooftop somewhere, drinking champagne and wrapped in fur blankets. Sean makes a bold move and pretty much tells the winners to go to hell and invites the losers to spend more time with him anyway. Poor goats get some serious nipple trauma. He goes thru every girl one by one and tells them all the exact same things. Tierra finds one of the blue teams lumberjack shirts and heads to the party for a little head start to her date the next day. Daniella has caught on to the damsel in distress role that Sean clearly falls for (in his words, it "made an impression" on him) and she musters some tears for the sympathy rose. 

At this point my mom is fuming that the ambulance disaster scene they have been previewing isn't until tomorrow night. She'd been looking forward to it all week. She almost has tears in her eyes. This is how sad our lives are. She also has said about 4 times that she doesn't like Sean. At all. 

Two-on-one:

This is obvious from the start since Tierra is clearly in tomorrow's episode and Jackie has little to no personality. Sean puts on one of his endless gay sweaters and they go horseback riding. Jackie rides a comfortable 50 feet behind the happy couple then goes on to tell him Tierra was flirting with someone at the airport and he should really send her home. Really? If you are going to tattle on someone and get sent home (which they always do when they tattle), give him a good story. I can think of 3 right now and I don't even know her. Sean keeps telling the girls, if something is going to "directly impact" him, then he wants to know. But he doesn't want to hear it otherwise. Personality traits of a potential mate "directly impact" you sweetheart, quit getting so pissed off. Tierra then tells an effective sob story, that easily could have been made up, and secures the rose. Jackie heads to the limo, where she has another chance to tell him some dirt (because who cares at this point??) and she stays classy. Sean leads Tierra down to a fireside couch and muttered how he has something special planned for her (like he knew all along). They started a dramatic fireworks show shortly after the limo left, I bet Jackie could freaking see/hear them. 

Cocktail party/ceremony:

Drama, drama, drama, Tierra, bitching, drama, "I can find a fiance anywhere", blah, drama, yap, yap, eyebrow, yap, "Why is everyone watching my every move!?" (YOU ARE ON NATIONAL T.V.), yap, bitch, blah. Sean stumbles upon this and gets pissed off. This has been an actually semi-mild argument compared to the others this season thus far (although next weeks looks pretty juicy), so he has no idea what is going on. He pulls Tierra aside and she tells him, again, she really isn't a drama person, and then he sends home the girl who was fighting with her. Seems to be a trend. 

Misc:

I loved the looks on the girls faces when Chris told them what they were doing this week. He started with "pack your bags" to which I'm sure they all thought "Thank goodness. It's about time we go to Tahiti..." then he hit them with "We are going to the beautiful Indian Reservation of MONTANA! Woo!! Let me see your YAY faces!" So ABC pulls out a deer head lamp, Indian rugs, and antlers for the backdrops in the little interviewing sequences, and the girls pull out yet more alcohol and are in various stages of intoxication throughout the week. Sean goes on and on about how this is the most beautiful place he thinks he's ever seen. Remember, last season he traveled the world with Emily {Bermuda, London, Croatia, Prague & Curacao}. Just sayin. Also, not sure if you noticed, but Sean remained clothed this entire episode. Yep. Crazy huh? All I know is I am glad he took them somewhere cold so they would all wear freaking pants this week. My hell. 

This episode was a waste of time and it gave me anxiety and yucky feelings and I used a babysitter about it. Pissed. Hopefully tomorrow night is better (and it is - commentary coming).