Benji Sarah and Max: The Bachelor Week 6

Ok, Canada is pretty. This place really is gorgeous. I'd almost take it over a tropical place. (BENJ: hint)

The show starts with Sean talking about how he has given up while he walks across a beaver damn, meanwhile the girls, 9 of them, are brought in 2 limos. Can't limos hold like 30 people and aren't we a little short on cash this season?

Catherine:

Maybe I suck but I think ombre hair looks like bad roots most of the time. Not hers, it just got me thinking. Anyway.... Catherine gets deposited on a glacier somewhere. I was thinking Kasey from Ali's season was going to show up any minute, still wandering the glacier alone. An awkward long time goes by and Sean pulls up in a "snow bus" (which Benj would LOVE might I add), again wearing a gay sweater, and makes her put on a onsie snowsuit. They frolic around in a full on blizzard. She stupidly says "I never get cold when I'm with him" while Sean aka Jack Frost reminds me why he should stay in Texas and not in Canada with his red face and frost stuck to his already white eyebrows. So gross. Umpa Loompa.

Then they seriously sit down on the glacier, in literal negative degree weather with wind chill of -25 (I looked it up) and attempt a picnic. Really??? I really like her actually. Seems normal. I am partial to ice-castles, so I loved that part. Catherine shows her serious side, which includes watching someone die, and ends it with her life goals and says "I knew going into this that you wanted that too...." Which is a big fat lie because they didn't know who the Bachelor even was until long after they'd been chosen. He tells her he is crazy about her, like he has told at least 7 or the other 8 women, and then one of them says "you've melted my heart". Cheese. She gets a rose.

Group date:

Daniella is floored she doesn't get the one-on-one. None of us are. Again Sarah is on an awkward date, this time one-armed in a canoe and swimming. Sean actually says the phrase YOLO and tells them the bad news that they are doing the Polar Bear Plunge in order to fully embrace Canada. He shows them the ginger lifeguard and short-set stalky medic that will later take care of Tierra's bullshit. Selma flat out tells Sean to go to hell and then takes her seat in the warm tent and glosses her lips. I'd like to bring to everyone's attention 2 phrases Tierra says before the plunge. #1: "I think I might die" complete with a bitchy smirk, and #2, "I wonder how I will react afterwards", thus, setting herself up. ABC does a great job every year by the way of cutting up the dialogue and bits so that the villan sounds and looks worse that she is. Not that she isn't bat-shit crazy, but I'm just pointing it out. The rest of them run, jump, submerge, and are excited and fine (return of the shirtless Sean, BTW). Sarah evidently can swim. There hasn't been any drama so far, so CUE to Tierra to double over with hypothermia. Now keep in mind here, she is a cold-stoned bitch to the very core of her soul, so it's no wonder she got so cold. Sean looks from afar while she is dying and ginger and shortset haul her off to the ABC Suburban to warm up. At some point during this, she looks at the camera with her evil face and says "I'm missing time with Sean {sad-face}". She ruins the rest of the date for everyone else and the next thing we know she is sitting in a plush bed with a shit grin on her face, showered, makeup and hair re-done, drinking some warm coffee, and hurries and puts her oxygen on right before Sean comes in. She acts embarrassed, Sean asks if she is doing this to get more time with him and she pretty much says yes. She actually said the words "This is the 3rd time!" Sean tells her he feels good about her and not to come to the party tonight. All the girls are linked arms and holding hands walking into the night portion of the date, which is getting quite frankly awkward. Lesley sure has had her hip glued to him all day, starting with the canoe, then holding his hand while they dove in the water, now sitting by him all over. It is clear why: Sean gives the rose to whoever screams loudest. Tierra quickly sees that the attention has turned from her and suddenly thaws out and shows up, right as the girls are bitching about her. The minute Sean notices she is there he snags her away, offering to carry her, but finds out soon that she has thawed and her hands are "so warm". He tells her for the 3rd time "bless your heart" like what people say about ugly people with good personalities. Lindsey then says something really really really funny while recounting all the "accidents" Tierra has had: "I hope she falls up some stairs, into an ice bucket, and then..... has to BE NICE to everyone for a while!" Post party, Sean makes another kind of ass-hole move and comes and gets Sarah, who has rolled up her long sleeve trench coat so that nubby is hanging out awkwardly, and sends her packing. This is where I will be a smart ass-no-more for a second. That was sad. Poor girl, seriously. He could have waited until the rose ceremony. I thought that was a bad way to do it. Smart-ass back on: I love how they portray that they only have one small bag, when in reality I know most of them have one large bag for shoes, and a minimum of 5-6 bags each.

Des:

Well I really love Des. She gets one-on-one #2, pissing everyone else off. The first thing she says is that she had been questioning her feelings for him, which I love. It is refreshing to have one of the girls have some balls and stand up and say "Hey, maybe I don't like him..." The word Banff is really awkward to say/see. They go repelling. Repelling peppered with screams of fear and lots of kissing. It was actually kind of weird how many times they stopped and kissed. Then the picnic (it always seems to go dumb date, picnic, kissing, dumb date, picnic, kissing, wash, rinse, repeat, wash rinse, repeat). What I got from this was Sean asked her why she got all weird in MT and she said she didn't really know, which is weird because she told America why she was all weird, but then post picnic interviews she says she was glad she could tell him why she was so weird in MT. Then, they climbed a tree and made out. I bet Benj wishes I would climb a tree with him and then make out. Let me just throw in how I HATE that they yell "CANADA" at the top of the tree really loud and it echos the valley and then they show an elk in a river far away. And now the mother of all gay stupid sweaters appears on top of Sean and they head to a teepee. That is a horrible sentence. And it is a horrible sweater. Here you can only see a glimpse but it is the best I could find. Looks like she is pretty grossed out too.

Her tent story was cute and I'm starting to think she is too good for him. I already know she doesn't win, so I'm rooting for her for the next Bachelorette. And when I say that I really am kidding because I like her and she will just get screwed over on the show, but I'd watch it. Sean utters the exact same sentence he said to countless others "I'm really excited about where this is going" and he gives her a rose. Then, wait for it, Des says: "I opened up about spending some of my life living in a tent and here I am, falling in love in a teepee." No shall say no more.

Cocktail Party & Rose Ceremony:Selma stands in the shadows in her mustard colored dress with extreme cleavage and says "Now really, he's going to wife that?" Making some African-American movements with her body Selma is speaking of Tierra). For once Tierra is actually semi-quiet and maybe it is because the fox carcas around her neck. Maybe not. Selma does a "screw you Baghdad!" move and gives Sean a SUPER awkward kiss, which doesn't pay off. Come on girls: crying gets you roses, not awkward kisses. Lindsey is again in a wedding dress-ish, but I am beginning to like her. Professional Organizer girl pulls out a blindfold, in a symbolic way, not a kinky way, and that could have been really uncomfortable had he not liked her.... He did, I must say, handle that nicely. Although I predict he sends her home next week. No 1-1 time with Danielle was shown, nor has it ever really been shown. She isn't really dramatic or pretty, but not ugly, she's neutral. I don't know what her point on the show was supposed to be. He didn't even say goodbye to her. Sean ends the night by telling them they are finally going somewhere normal and then in a shocking turn of events announces he is ending it right here and tells them he is FLDS and he knows "you 6 are the 6 for me".

Misc:

And when I said Daniella was neutral, I certainly wasn't talking about that hair. I was continually stunned each time she was shown to me at just how trashy that hair was and continued to get. If you google pictures of her, wowZa did photoshop and a personal hair and makeup person do her some good.. . . .

Man I can't think of her name... (not a good sign) but organizing foster care girl with the purple thong.... looks exactly like a human form of Bambi. Also she has had one too many botox injections in those pretty little cheeks. This picture doesn't do it justice, watch next week. She even does the eye squint in highly lit areas.