The Bachelor - week 4

Well the Sunday night Sean & Catherine wedding show was full of more to talk about than this episode. Let me just say this: There was absolutely NO NEED for that segment to be 2 hours. It could have been easily summed up in 30 minutes. But no, ABC decided to fill an hour with them talking about awkward sex, lingerie, and wether or not they "are ready to get married". Good hell, I hope they are, it's too late now. My mom literally got up and walked out when Sean was shopping for lingerie. Sean donned is famous gay pink shorts and they road-tripped from CA to TX - and please don't tell me they didn't slip up during a week alone on the road. I know it's a cute idea and all, to save yourself, but I'm 101% sure they didn't "save themselves".  Hell I drove to St. George with Benj in high school and we screwed around (not all the way, but you get what I'm saying). Come on. The term Catherine, bless her Filipino heart, made up of "grown sexy" was absolutely stupid. It doesn't make sense, and even if it did, her wedding decor certainly didn't reflect it. It was more "fluffy pale rose" or "drab and tooooooooo long" if I were to use words. It was clear she just wanted to jump his bones, and that is all she could think about. Sheesh, she even said she wanted people to think about going home and conceiving that night after being at the wedding. WHY on EARTH was there a "honeymoon suite cam"????? Really what purpose does that serve??? I wish they had spent more time interviewing Bachelor people that were there (Arie, Jef, JP & Ash, etc). I actually really like Sean and Catherine, I think they are cute, and I teared up a little with their vows. I was anti-Catherine until like the second to last episode, but now I think she is darling. But WHY the camera in there? I'd be nervous all night ABC still had it running somehow and were going to blackmail me later.

The show tonight started with Camilla saying she has a wedgie, JP proceeding to pick it for her, and then we flew to what I feel like is one of the 2 armpits of the world. I thought we were at freaking war with Korea... apparently it is NK we don't like, but it is all the same to me. Anyway, they yap about how beautiful it is, while the camera spans a street packed with buildings, people, dirty uuky stuff, neon signs, prostitutes, and slabs of raw meat. Not my idea of beautiful.

Group Date:
Evidently JP was saying k-pop, and I thought he was saying "gay-pop" for a good 10 minutes. I'm thinking Beiber, N'Sync, Boyz2Men, etc. My mom thought he was talking about cereal. When I said I thought the 5K glowstick date in Utah was worst ever - that wasn't a challenge for JP to come up with something worse - but he did. A k-pop (what IS that???) concert, in South Korea, where the girls back up dance for an unknown techno-ish girl band at a mall. I sat there with my mouth open the whole time, not even knowing what to say.

Neon 80's Zumba clothes, is I guess what I could say. One of the band members had on some sort of horse harness bondage thing, and the other had huge stars on the sweater on her boobs. JP had tight red skinny jeans on. Not 10 minutes earlier, my family was talking about how NO guy, hot, gay, straight, whatever, looks good in red skinny jeans. I just couldn't even focus. It was very visually disturbing, all around. I don't know how in the world that situation can help him decide who he wants to marry. Kat seems to continue rapidly climbing the annoying scale, thinking she is FOR SURE the most amazing dancer ever to walk into that mall in South Korea. Nikki brings up a good point - maybe she should stay there and be their backup dancer. After all, she REALLY liked it. Kat even muttered "everyone is watching me!" at one point in her little boastful schpeal, and I giggled. I kept thinking I really wish he would have brought Sharleen on this date. Drama would have happened I think. I bet she would refuse, leave, or look really awkward, which would have been good entertainment. For the night part, they go to some sort of outdoor garden thing, the sign in front said "Furniture Museum"????? and Nikki actually starts a bit of unnecessary drama. While describing Kat she shook her boobs and said "who wants some guacamole!!" and I have no idea what that means but it is freaking funny. Really Nikki was just pointing out the obvious, that Kat is annoying, especially when it comes to dancing. Tall girl dancer was a dancer too and never said a word about it. I bet I would be painted as the biggest bitch if I were there. Just me being so blunt and not taking shit, then for sure the producers would flip it and edit it to make it worse, like they did here. There has been talk about awkward kissing the last few weeks. I think I have pinpointed it. It is him. He prematurely sticks his tongue out, before lips touch. (I will insert here that it is extra awkward with Sharleen because she also does that, so America sees a whole lotta tongue we didn't want to see.) I'd be fine if tongue wasn't a part of a kiss in the first place, just in general, but I for sure don't want to see it.

Let me deviate for a moment here if I may, and talk about Clare and her face.

I will preface with: I like her a lot. I think she is really super cute and pretty and nice. I would be very possessive if I were in her position too. However.... Her eyebrows are an inch too arched, making her look chronically surprised. Aaaand her poor mouth gets stuck in this awful half opened state, making her look like she is about ready to "swallow something big" - as dog girl so eloquently put it. Or like she was smiling, but forgot. Anyway. 

Sharleen

He must see something here that literally NO ONE ELSE IS SEEING. Her social skills are level awkward. JP even went as far as to say "She's my favorite right now" - wow. She somehow thought it was ok to dress in high-waisted shorts (could be ok) with black nylons underneath (NOT ok) for this date. She also painted on her Korean eyebrows, just for the occasion. Their date is filled with awkward street strolling, sitting in a weird sacrificial building in their socks, and a lot of me trying to figure her out. For dinner she puts on her best opera dress, while he wears a deep v-neck sweater and jeans. To raise the level of awkward, he makes her stand in the middle of a courtyard and sing opera, and even more awkward, he stops her after like 2 seconds. More gross kissing. I was crossing my fingers that him asking about kids would send her home, clearly she doesn't want them and she would be a super weirdo step-mom, but nope. To quote - JP: "how many kids do you want" - she avoids question for 10 minutes - JP: "so really, how many kids?" Shar: "me?" No, the other girl standing behind you - you big idiot. Of course he's talking to you. I just want her to go home. 

Group Date

Seriously I wrote down like 2 things for this, because the first part of the date - dog girl walks out in this

and I was so distracted the rest of the time. You know how I love onsies, but with those boots making her a foot taller than the other girls, and 3 feet taller than the Koreans, and her ugly face, I just couldn't let it slide. Anyway, they find a sweaty, horribly wallpapered 6x6 room on the 18th floor of a building to do some Korean karaoke in (sounds so fun!!.......), go in some duck shaped paddle boats, and then do the fish pedicure. Eh. A tiny bit of drama happens that night when JP makes it a point to say he isn't kissing anyone else because of his daughter. Good concept = too late. Now it is just awkward for the girls who have 1. already kissed you and now you don't want to, and 2. for poor Lauren, who I think may have been a touch drunk, and tried to kiss him, he gives a BS excuse and turns right around to kiss Clare. Which was pretty ballsy and actually quite a bullshit move of him to  after all that. If you say you are going to do it JP, do it. Don't do the "I love my daughter, I am a dad, have to be an example, BUT her lips were so nice, her teeth, mmmm, I just couldn't help myself..." yada yada. Come on.

Ceremony

It is at some palace. The girls are gawking at how gorgeous it it when my mom mutters in the background "it's not beautiful, it makes me sick. I hate it." Agreed mom. ABC has the set decorated with huge drums all around, not really clear on why. I was hoping they might use them for some sort of going away party for the girls leaving. Sharleen, oh Sharleen. She comes out in this pale yellow jumpsuit with gray cheetah print. Maybe she didn't care because she already had a rose. Maybe I'm way off. Holy shit. And whoever had on the neon yellow dress was bad too. BUT by far the worst, was Elise and her green pageant dress, boobs hanging out, and glitter shorts on underneath. To make matters worse, as she stumbled down the rock path of misery to the awaiting limo, she held the dress so that we could see the lining and the full short. Gag. Glad she went home. For a fun little side story on her..... check here. I think the blackish girl who never talks needs to go too. 

I was pretty bored with this episode. 

I honestly couldn't think of any place worse than South Korea to go, except maybe Boliva. Again, JP thought that was a challenge and surprised me with Vietnam. Good ole' NAM. It is such a great, romantic place that like 80% of the soldiers who were there in the war have now committed suicide. Should be fun.