Bachelorette week 5, or is it 6?

I don't even know what the hell week it is. I'm bored. If people weren't amused by my comments, I probably wouldn't be watching.

• Of course, the episode begins with Ashley contemplateively walking around, wearing stripper shoes, talking about Bentley.
• The soft, dickhead sound of Bentley's voice makes me want to gag myself.
• You'd have thought he'd try to save face here. Nope.
• Did anyone else notice the vaseline on her night stand?
• From last week: Chris Harrison: "it's not going to be a happy ending" and it's looking like it is because he is going to choke her by the end of it.
• "Hong Kong is the most becaustiful place I've ever been".... ummm pretty sure that was said about Thailand, LA, Vegas, Bucket (or whatever the hell the name was). Which one is it?
• Oh my hell. Did they really just do a shot of her in the street and busy people bustling behind her in fast motion??
• She's siting in her hotel room tapping her fingers, acting like she doesn't know Chris H is coming any second.
• Chris is acting like her dad/bishop/pissed.
• He is reminding her that she is really screwing up the show, without actually saying that she is really screwing up the show.
• She is soooooo surprised! She had NO idea!! OMG!
• Bentley "literally has flown to Hong Kong". Not figuratively, literally.
• She wants to know if he is thinking about her. Nope, he's not. He's thinking about the free trip to Hong Kong he just got and what he is going to do while he is here.
• ABC should have spent thier $$ on flying Dr. freaking Phil over.
• You are going to "pull it out of his throat"? She kinda muttered that under her breath in a semi-psychotic way.....
• She just stared at the room # on that paper for like 5 minutes. Literally, not figuratively.
• She can't believe he came all the way here for her. Man, she's naive.
• SHE'S going to HIM. Of course.
• LOL, he isn't going to answer the door.
• Oh, she hasn't knocked yet.
• "Who is it" he yells. What a douche. He's probably buying time to hide the Asian prostitute in his closet.
• They kissed?
• He is totally still flirting with her.
• She says she had a hard time when he left - his response - "but was it fun?" WHO is this guy??
• More lying.
• Dumb conversation.
• He has said nothing meaningful in this conversation.
• "I think you know where I'm at." No, Bentley, no one knows where the hell you are. Literally, you are in HK, but figuratively..... (ok, I know, overkill) Remember the 2 day flight around the world, so you could come and explain??
• Woo, she's gettin rawled up.
• Mission f*cking accopmlished. Good job Bentley.
• I was hoping for a little more drama. But no, he didn't confess, didn't really play hardball, didn't really do anything but flop on the couch with a stupid grin on his face. Must have left his balls at the airport.
• This is the first time I have seen her being intelligent.
• Just wanted a vaca Bentley. Could have been done over the phone. She's on to him. 2 months and a lot of MY time wasted later.
• Ding dong the Bentley is gone.
• As I reflect, I see that I think I too needed closure from Bentley. He's been pounded into my head so hard this season, I'm not sure I'll be able to forget him.
• She has said "closure" at least 500 times in the last segment. I wish she would closure her freaking mouth.
• Borderline need a DP right now, at the very least.
• Ashley finds a giant window to reflect behind, while the camera crew finds a giant EAGLE.
• Why are they showing an eagle soaring?????
• Wow, Ames. Post brain injury.
• Ryan is losing enthusiasm.
• Does Hong Kong really have all the neon and strobe lights and smog? Sounds horrible to me.
• Yep, she's bow-legged. Either that or she spent a little more time than we think in room 4315.
• Lucas is very observant. He sees through people and I like it.
• He is however, pretty hick-ish. He is very uncomfortable in a non-small town. He's longing for a pasture.
• Yeah, I don't see them together.
• But I like him.
• I am motion sick from the rocking of that boat.
• Hong Kong on a Pirate ship. WTH.
• Ashley: when a guy is on a date with you answering the “what’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you” question that you throw out every time, put your freaking fork down, make eye contact, and at least pretend interest. It might not work that way in Madawaska, but grow some common courtesy.
• What the hell sweater is Blake wearing? 2nd sailor neckline I've seen this season.
• The more I think, I can see Blake being gay. Sailor shirt + obsession with Ryan.....
• Lucas said he wanted to dance, so they are, but I don't think there is music. The beat of distant gongs?
• She will see Ryan for who he really is - cut to a WINNIE THE POO commercial. LOL.
• She has stupid clothes. Yet another see thru, unbuttoned man shirt, tied in the front.
• This dragon boat race - go out and find contestants - date reminds me of Amazing Race. Wait, what show is this?  
• Good point Ben F, with the 2 Americans, who don't speak Chinese or whereever the hell they are, walking around trying to give people who don't understand them bandanas and asking them to boat race with them. They look like idiots.
• Ok, so screw it, lets just buy some robes.
• Glad they are making fun of the date. It needs to be made fun of.
• OH MY HELL. Has anyone noticed Ames' arms? They are severely abnormally short. Like serisouly, rewind it. He can barely reach his pockets. That combined with the downsyndrome-ish face and the wierd social skills - we might be talking disorder here. Wow.
• She does a lot of excercise-y dates.
• They thought they were saying "eat it" and they were saying "idiot". That is the funniest thing ever. Sums up the season thus far, actually.
• Ames and Mickey win. Meaningless win, but win.
• Why, again, are we in the Orient? Why not normal towns? Normal dates? Movies, cafe's, bowling?
• Sometimes, Max starts clapping out of nowhere. Ashley just did that.
• She has gotten her closure on Bentley, yet she still is talking about him.
• WINE. There is always abundant wine around. Whining from her and alcohol wine. WINE. WHINE. WINE.
• They all notice, now she is finally ready to play this reality show, 5-6 weeks into it.
• Is that a cow print dress?
• Lucas, please, for the love of Sam, don't cross your legs.
• CHEESY DATE CARD LINES.
• Haha, Ben just leaned in for a kiss and he stuttered her head like she didn't want it.
• He looks like a freaking dummy in that yellow sweater. Like a damn school bus. Probably the stupid outfit made her stutter. Are those gray pants? Where do you even buy gray pants??
• Blake just told Ryan to stay, he can't come play pool.
• Blake cannot get his mind off of Ryan. He just can't.
• Ames just made a sincere, yet homosexual-ish attempt at romance there in the elevator. Awkward.
• Ryan is a wierdo. He isn't even listening to her. He is kissing her hand, giggling, all bright-eyed, interrupting.
• But yet, he gets a rose.
• No one even likes her.
• I am so sick of her see thru white tunic shirts I could puke.
• Even the damn guys are wearing tunics.
• I think the heat is getting to them. Maybe they should go to freaking Canada and cool off.
• Note to whoever cares: on a date, I want me a TABLE. No picnics on the ground.
• Oooh. I love J.P.
• She doesn't deserve him.
• From another blog: "Ignoring knee and lower back pain, J.P. continues to suck up to Ashley as she stuffs her face with ruffage and bats her fake eyelashes like some slutty female rabbit." LOL
• There is a lot of talk this season, aside from Bentley and everywhere they go being the 'perfect place to fall in love' about mentally and emotionally being in a 'good place'. A good place for me would be in my damn bed, sleeping, right now.
• Bentley - again.
• "Closure" - again.
• Hmm, he looks a little bugged. But, no, he's not. She's "being honest" and he is fine with it. Kind of dumb of  him. I'd be pissed. If I left my normal life for 30 days of fighting (literally and figuratively) for a marginally attractive girl who is super insecure, and then find out she just wasted a good month lying to me.......
• On second thought, my life sucks right now, a free trip doesn't sound too bad.
• Ashley has really thin-ish lips. That she purses a lot.
• Love him.
• They are on the right track. As they speed down the train track. That isn't cheesy at all.
• I can't decide if it is new producers or they just don't know what to do with the show because there is no freaking content.
• How romantic is a mass transit ride through a urine soaked, smog filled, hooker infested city?
• I hate her shirt.
• From another blog: "Enter Ashley’s Mind: Gee, I’ve been concealing my preoccupation with Bentley, who no one really liked except me, for about a month now yet I’ve been unabashedly getting my ass kissed by a bunch of guys who left their lives behind for the chance to travel the world and fall in love with me because they have no idea that I made up my mind at the first cocktail party. I’ve dragged them to orphanages to perform manual labor in the heat, forced them into concussion inducing fights, insisted on three hour un-air conditioned training sessions, deprived them of alcohol for hours at a time so I could cry about Bentley, and begged Chris Harrison to arrange a secret meeting with Bentley so we could be together forever. Now that Bentley made it sort of clear that I should have my period, I’ll see what’s leftover in hopes of finding a husband (maybe) before I finish dental school (maybe). That shouldn’t go over so badly. Where’s my sparkly cocktail dress and fake eyelashes? Purrr-fact." LOL 
• Why, again, are we in China?
• ****commercial Santa, dancing black midgets? No thank you. I'll never drink Pepsi again.
• ****commercial I sure wish they'd quit making comic book movies. Then people would quit talking about them. Then I'd feel a lot better.
• What better time to tell the guys than now at the rose ceremony? I can think of 14 better times you idiot.
• She wants to get it off her chest. I'd keep anything on your chest you have there, boob-less.
• No one says anything. They all pick up thier free drinks, which are in abundance, and pound them down.
• No one is amused with this.
• Ames just muttered "in hospitals". I think that was his only line this show. And what does it even mean?
• Blake doesn't want to play 2nd fiddle. Sorry bud, you are playing like 9th fiddle right now.
• Man those tassels are distracting. I missed that whole conversation because of it.
• Ryan says his BP didn't rise a bit. It is because he is already hypertensive, I'm sure. He reminds me of my sisters dog. Constantly panting and heart racing, always excited and borderline out of control.
• TASSELS
• Bentley's name has been mentioned at least 100 times this episode. Probably more that all the other shows combined, which is saying a lot.
• But surpassing that, "closure" has been mentioned even more.
• They are all drinking like fish.
• Mickey's out. Good for him.
• He will have gals swooning at the Olive Garden or Macaroni Grill, whichever he decides to waiter at.
• Ames in his white pants tries to properly explain why they are all mad.
• Ryan, smiling like an idiot. Does he even have a clue what is going on? Does he even know he's on the show?
• Chris H I think is going to slap her soon.
• He is trying to explain how the guys might feel, since it had never occured to her to think that. He says they might feel like they are second choice.
• She says they aren't!! Yes, they all were until 2 days ago Ash.
• She dramatically turns the Micky pic downward facing. She should have smashed the glass or threw it over the ledge into the ocean. Just for some excitement.
• Yeah, so I have pretty much seen her naked. Aside from her actual nipples and vagina, I have seen most of her body.
• Lots O commercials = no substance in the show, they don't know what else to do.
• Constantine looks exactly like a draft horse.

• Blake is just excited to leave Ryan.
• Man they sure try to make the most of those boobs.
• Oh man, they are staying in Asia. GET OUT OF THE ORIENT! My hell!
• I love those floating lanterns in the sky. Love. Want to be a part of it.
• Maybe she wasn't cut out for this (NO SHIT).

If you take anything away from this episode - let it be:

1. Ames arms
2. "Eat it" = "Idiot"
3. "Closure" x 900
4. See thru tunics

Next week is a repeat of this week and you better believe I'm not watching it again. I don't know if I can even do this anymore.

Thanks for listening.