Wednesday, September 28, 2011

more from pinterest......

So we did colored ice cubes in the bath tonight; another idea courtesy of Pinterest :)

He freaking loved it! Put them all in one bucket, held one and looked at it until it melted, ate some, put them all in another cup, ate some more. We will do this again. I thought it might stain the tub a little but it didn't at all.










{The flash obvisouly only worked on a few - making the rest of the pictures look shitty}

I love Pinterest! It makes me a better mom!! Hiya!

p.s. my brother and sister lovingly told me I really needed to change my blog because they couldn't read it -slash- it looked crappy. I hope they are satisfied.

p.s.s the comments on the last post from "Sarah" are really from my mom. I was signed in at her house and she didn't know. Just to clear that up; I don't comment on my own posts, although I am desperate for comments sometimes.

p.s.s.s. speaking of which, she CANNOT leave comments on blogs. She has made like 30 google accounts because it keeps telling her her password is wrong, makes her re-type the whole thing, etc (that is why she was so excited she could post). Anyone know what the hell?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

happy birfday!

From my sweet hubby :) He has a whole line of *owl jewelry coming from China... (it's cheap there, that is just his style, leave him alone. At least he remembered.) + he did laundry and deep cleaned the closet :)


And from my parents.... my mom was very saddened by the earlier pic of I posted when my last guy died. She understands the need. **

I was spoiled by in-laws and sisters too - it was a great day!

* My latest obsession is Owls. Mostly because Max looks EXACTLY like one, but I think they are cool. NOT real ones necessarily, but I like the jewelry/decor. Well there was a cool barn owl at the zoo. I just don't want it to fly. If they just sit there and move thier head side to side and "whoo" I'm good.

** Those who are wondering WHEN I will ever get my 13 inch roots fixed and get a damn hair cut, it is coming soon. I promise. Then, my friends, I will use my new friend: Chi-Chi.

Balllllooooooons


This is what has been going on the last hour. At least.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

proud mama

This, folks, is where Max houses all his prized possesions, his favorite toys, his "go-to" toys. His Buzz car.

I'd like to point out who's picture is there......


He likes his mom :)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

love, actually

I got this from www.loveactually-blog.blogspot.com (which has some cute stuff on it, by the way, like this http://loveactually-blog.blogspot.com/2010/11/12-lays-of-christmas.html, but I don't know if I am quite up for it...) and thought it was freaking funny/soo true and wanted to share.

It's been a long day. You've changed 43 poopy diapers, 27 of which were full-on blow-outs. You swept up cheerios, grass, and McDonald's toys at least 15 times already. You've made several small meals for the kids, listened to endless complainings and wants, and still haven't showered. There is mold growing on the grout in your shower, dust on the blinds, piles of laundry, and the garbages are overflowing. You start to notice that your armpits stink, and there might possibly be mold growing on you.

You begin to organize the 3 foot stack of papers on the kitchen counter....throw some out, file others, hang some on the fridge, etc. Meanwhile, a little rascal spills orange juice on the floor then slips in it and cries. Another kid is begging for you to take him to his friends house. You lose your organizing focus and realize you have been eating half the pan of brownies that was left out. You wish for a second that you were bulimic but instead decide you are done eating for the rest of the day...except for green beans.


You clean up the orange juice, wipe away tears, and run the dude to his friends house and run out of gas. The cell phone rings and the school needs you to make 3 dozen cookies for the end-of-the-year party, and could you attend to help out? Ugh, another poopie diaper. You can smell it all the way home. At least for a while...then your nose just gets used to it.

You pull out the Hamburger Helper and suddenly, the man responsible for all of this madness walks in the door, drops another foot of papers onto the pile, grabs your butt and asks if you have a minute. You look at him like, "Are you kidding me?" He tells you that it has been 2 days, 6 hours, and 39 minutes since "it" happened last and he's sick of waiting. You give him a nasty look and he gets upset and says that he's not in the mood anymore. Your nasty look ruined it. He's mad. At least the brownies were good.

He goes and turns on golf, super loud, and falls asleep. You go turn it off and he instantly wakes up and says he was watching it. You roll your eyes, sweep the floor again, and then roll your eyes some more. Not only have you had a stressful day but the hubby thinks your a jerk and isn't helping out at all. Ugh...what to do? Run away while everyone is sleeping? See if Wal-greens sells arsenic? Curl up in the fetal position and suck your thumb? You purposely let your husband stay mad so you can avoid "pleasing him" as long as you can. Cause, frankly...you're too tired and so not in the mood. You're even thinking about making him mad again tomorrow.

Please say this sounds familiar. Not that it does to me...at all. I'm just totally creative, that's all...I would never be happy to get "off the hook" with my husband. I mean, seriously. How rude would that be? Besides, I'm horny all the time. It's out of control. Oh, and what luck! I found a picture that reminds me so much of us! See below...

Hahhhaaa - I can so relate!!

Friday, September 16, 2011

a craft and a complaint

I saw this on Pinterest (surprise!) and it really isn't that cute and I thought Max might be a little too old, but he freaking loved it. Just tied a bunch of scraps of fabric, an old tie of Benj's, a sock, and a strand of beads at the end. Shove it in and he gets to pull it out. He was all sorts of excited. Don't mind my ugly carpet and Max's weird toenail. I don't know what is wrong with it. Whatever.



And this. I just cannot take it. I don't want to share the road. I want them to get on the damn sidewalk like the good old days. I want to hit them with my car is what I really want to do. I don't know the "rules" of bikers, but everything about it just pisses me off. I hate that they ride in car lanes, especially when they go way slower than us. I hate that they blinker with thier arms. I hate thier spandex. I hate that they ride on roads with no shoulders so we all have to freaking slow down and swerve into oncoming traffic so that we can "share the road". Hate it. I actually have two fairly good friends who are bikers and I just don't even really care. I still want to hit them.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Harriet Carter

I got this magazine today and was flipping through; I can't help but comment on a few of my favorites:

Nail Perfect™ (C4627)

Nail Perfect™ gives you a salon-perfect manicure without the salon prices! Hand rest makes it easy to apply nail polish cleanly and evenly—just slide each finger into the appropriate size nail slot and brush. Polish only goes onto the exposed nail surface! Keeps your hand steady, too! Includes a holder for your polish bottle, sizing discs, built-in storage area, 200+ nail decals. 5" diam. x 3½" H.

Ok, if you can't paint your nails without getting it all over your skin (see insert picture), you are an idiot. 
Out of breath? Lung cream helps relieve wheezing, coughing and shortness of breath, so you feel better fast! Powerful herbal formula contains ingredients known to thin mucus, control phlegm build-up and help restore normal breathing. Simply rub onto chest; works in minutes! Ideal for colds, bronchitis, asthma, emphysema and smoker's cough. 4 oz. jar.

Ok, if you CAN'T BREATHE, you need to see a physician. Not order "Lung Cream" out of a Harriet Carter magazine. Good hell.

Kegel Exerciser

Super kegel exerciser helps tone and strengthen pelvic floor muscles that aid bladder control. Regular use of this re­sistance exerciser helps ease incontinence-related “accidents”, slims and tightens thighs, buttocks and lower ab­dominal muscles. For men and women. Vinyl-coated stainless steel with adjustable tension setting. Includes instructions and exercise chart. 9" L.

Oh. My. Hell. I about died when I saw this. Borderline masturbation. Horrrrrible picture!!! YOU DO KEGEL'S ALONE, PRIVATE, WITHOUT ACCESSORIES!!

Easy Feet™ & Foot Wash

Easy Feet™ cleans, massages & exfoliates your feet from heel to toe ... without bending or stretching! Brush attaches to any tub or shower floor with built-in suction grips. Over 1000 rejuvenating bristles gently clean top and bottom of feet. Built-in pumice stone smoothes rough and cracked heels. Enhance the experience with invigorating Pepermint Foot Wash!
Yeah, this is actually pretty awesome. Especially for us fatties who can't bend over! Ha!

If this held cans - I'd get one. And I'd wear it, seriously. It actually would really help. 

Fat Magnet (E4644)

Amazing fat magnet removes excess fat & grease from foods in seconds! Here’s a great way to cut calories and make healthier meals: just place fat magnet in freezer till cold, then glide over surface of hot, greasy foods. The chilled metal surface changes the fat to a solid on contact, making it easy to remove. It’s that simple! Use it for stews, soups, gravies, sauces, chili and more. Easy to clean. 6" H x 4¼" diam.

Yeah, that is pretty freaking sick.

If you can't put on mascara without a "shield" - again, you are an idiot. 

Toilet Tissue Aid (C9374)

Easy-to-use bathroom aid extends your reach. Ergonomically-designed bathroom aid features a soft, flexible head that grips bath tissue or pre-moistened wipes securely and easily. Provides a sense of personal independence and assures discretion. Ideal for arthritis sufferers and others with limited range of motion. Unique quick-release button allows for fast, sanitary disposal. ABS plastic with silicone grip and pad. 15¾" L.

Now, at first glance, this is ridiculous. However, when I was prego and HUGE, I actually thought about buying this. You HAVE to wipe, and wipe good, and if you can't reach.....Just sayin.



Furniture Risers. Yeah, they look pretty safe. 

Landscape Curtains

Transform any wall or window into a room with a view! Create your very own oasis with these landscape panel pairs—all you need is a curtain rod! Two-panel design fits a window or wall up to 70" wide. Set of two 36" x 84" panels have 3" rod pocket; hardware not included. Wrinkle-resistant polyester/cotton fabric is machine washable. Imported.

And finally, one of my favorites. Seriously?

if momma 'aint happy, 'aint nobody happy

Yeah, so I'm over the 30 days of truth thing.


In counseling today - a brilliant metaphor was brought up. I'd like to share.


You've all heard the saying - If momma aint happy, aint nobody happy", right? This is sooooo true. And not just in a funny way, but really. The mom is kind of like the "hub" of the family. Everything runs through her, over her, under her, she knows about it, she's in the middle of it, she did it, etc. We are like a 16 oz cup. Benj is a straw and Max is a straw and they are constantly sucking (not in a bad way). In my case, I have a few leaks in my cup in addition to the sucking (depression, anxiety, Bi-Polar), thus, I feel constantly drained. To feel better, I need to find things that make me happy (there are very few right now) and fill up the cup. I need help and reinforcement from Benj. I need to be positive. All these things to fill 'er up. As far as the leaks, I need to patch them with coping methods, medication, therapy.


Anyway, it really hit me and made sense. I hope you enjoyed it - hehe!

Friday, September 9, 2011

day 27 - what is the best thing going for you right now?

Definately my job. I love the girls I work with, love what I do, love the break from being home, love the flexibility, love working with pregnant patients and women. Love uterus's, va-jay-jay's, boobs, cervix's! Love!

Just thought I'd throw a few pregnancy pictures in from awkwardfamilyphotos.com - enjoy!

Really? My mom will hate this. You do, don't you mom??

A Wal-Mart studio best seller. He wants to impregnate her again RIGHT. NOW.


Daddy's got a gun!

Tire? Anyone??

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

day 26 - have you ever thought about giving up on life?

If you have read my blog before, you know the answer. I don't want to talk about it.

I heard the Brad Paisley song "Letter to Me" and it got me thinking. I want to write a letter to me when I was young.


Dear young me,

A few words of advice from a much older, smarter you :)

To prove it's me, I know what you did with the rock in the window. Enough said.
  1. Don't be such a slut. By the time you hit High School, the "guys you've kissed" list ends up in the mid 40's. Not impressive to anyone, especially your future hubby, who is the only one who matters in the end.
  2. BE NICE! People are scared of you!! You will feel bad later in life when you hear of people who ran from you or cried because of you. Knock it off. You aren't that cool.
  3. Your boobs are awesome. They will sag like a rock in a sock later, so wear 'em proud (but don't let guys touch!).
  4. Don't slow down after High School. I know you probably want to "take a break" and whatever, but don't. You have potential to do great things. Go to college. And stay there.
  5. Quit going tanning. It's ok for prom (Jr. Prom, you will fall in love and look hot and tan, by the way.....), other than that, stop it. Your best friend gets skin cancer about it. Not worth it.
  6. Wear a bikini and like it.
  7. ENJOY Drilll Team. It is one of the best things that will ever happen to you. Learn, grow, relish. Awesome.
  8. When you go on a date with David Berry, keep your damn eyes on the road. If you don't, you will total your dad's new Honda Pilot. And you are right, he doesn't like you.
  9. While we are talking about that - be a better driver in general. A day comes, my dear, when daddy doesn't pay car insurance anymore. What is car insurance, you say? It is a big fat chunk of change is what it is. And the shittier you drive the more it is. And let's just say by 25, your driving record isn't "clean" per se.
  10. Be nice to your mom and dad. They really are freaking cool. And funny. And they really like you. And they will REALLY help you a lot when you need it later.
  11. You will have a hard break-up. It will actually haunt you for years. Sorry to bring bad news, haha. It will be hard not to mope. But don't. It isn't attractive to anyone. But just so you know the tears will stop, the pain will ease, and the memories will fade. You weren't meant to be, you'll find someone else, really, you will.
  12. You will have a ton of health problems in the future. Take care of yourself better and some of them might not be so bad.
  13. You will stay friends with your friends. They will always be there. Treat them good.
  14. You are pretty. You are. You won't always be, so enjoy it. Be confident.
  15. You know that nerdy kid in your ward Benji? Yeah, well, be nice to him........
  16. Being "responsible" sucks. One word: BILLS. Enjoy being young and carefree.
  17. SAVE YOUR $$. Don't spend just cause you have it. Start a savings account. Please. I'm begging you.
  18. You are going to start balding. No shit.
  19. You will do pretty well at staying active in the church. The more the better. You'll need all the help and good influence you can get.
  20. Pretty much in 15 years most of America will be taken over by spanish speaking people. Pay. Attention. In. Broadheads. Class.
  21. You probably think this is crazy (no pun intended), but if you ever go to the ER because you are feeling crazy, don't let them put you in a psych unit. No, I am not kidding.
  22. Keep on keepin on. You should see your little boy! He is the cutest thing ever! Cuter than your nieces and nephews! Seriously!
That's all for now kiddo. hang in there.

Love, old me!

Monday, September 5, 2011

color game for Max

I've been pretty much living on Pinterest......thought maybe I'd actually DO one of the crafts...!

Got a 6 part container (at Pioneer Party.... :) taped cardstock colors in the bottom of the bins, found some tiny toys that matched, and wha-la! It even has a lid so we can clean up and put it away! Woo!

day 25 - the reason you believe you are still alive today

In no particular order.....
  1. MEDS!!!
  2. A promise to Benj
  3. Max
  4. Therapy

Saturday, September 3, 2011

day 24 - also dumb, am skipping. We went to the ZOO!

(make a playlist for someone and explain why you chose those songs. Not dumb I guess, just time consuming and I'm not in the mood)


Some kind of skunk flying monkey. Creep-city.

Barn Owl. Way cool.

This guy would change poses every few minutes. Like dramatic ones. Next he'd hang from his tail, then he was on his hind legs with his arms flexed in the air. He knows he is at the zoo, for sure. Like the lion on Madagascar.




I'd just like to point out right after I took this picture, a damn CHICKEN shuffled out of the bush next to me and flapped around in my face. HATED IT.





Baby elephant Zuri in the background :)




He was totally playing a game with a bug on the rock. Poor guy, must have been bored out of his mind.



CREEPY LEEMER!!!

Love this!

Notice he is well over 16 feet... it was kind of wierd, he was standing in a tiny pile of dirt and right under a fan. Poor guy. And it WAS a guy.....

This dude (also, for sure a dude) was going to town licking the wall (see movie below)

video





His friend (not pictured) was freaking out flapping his HUGE freaky ostrich wings the whole time. I can't think of anything worse than a huge flapping bird that runs really fast.



Linx

I like this guy. Even though he kind of looks like Obama....

Sick!

These 2 were GETTIN IT ON!

Thought they were kangaroos. But they aren't.

gater



his tummy was sooooo wide.....

unknown monkey/chimp/baboon/ball of sleeping fur

baby flamingo



I hate birds.

Looks like a house cat. Could prob eat you though, that is the difference.


Pretty colors!


I hate that he can run fast.

Fox

Another cool owl. Couldn't get good lighting.




I shit you not, you could ride this. He was HUGE. There was a kangaroo in there with him and it looked like a freaking mouse next to him. Holy hell.



Merry-go-round! Didn't think he'd go for it - but he liked it! (See movie below)
video



Nose.....

eyes.....

teeth.....


Huge ape, very far away. (This is zoooomed).



Close, but no cigar. Arms shorter and about 300 pounds lighter. Isn't he cute? He really kind of looks ape-ish.

Nipples.

Isn't this a pretty picture? She was just hanging out on the grass in the middle of nowhere.



Another show-off. Notice his wang.....

Pein-dog anyone?

:)

Getting ready for the much looked forward to train ride.
video
 Horrible horrible terrible no good bats.
Hell. A few minutes after this picture, Benj and I looked away for like literally 4 seconds to look at a scorpion glowing in the dark....Max was gone. We searched that mole hole for a good 5 minutes, panic.


Came out of the mole hole and found this......Happy as could be in the freaking log.











Out like a light once his head hit the seat.

It was actually really fun! Sad there were no bears or zebras, but other than that, great times! Zoo + college football = a great day today!