Harriet Carter

I got this magazine today and was flipping through; I can't help but comment on a few of my favorites:

Nail Perfect™ (C4627)

Nail Perfect™ gives you a salon-perfect manicure without the salon prices! Hand rest makes it easy to apply nail polish cleanly and evenly—just slide each finger into the appropriate size nail slot and brush. Polish only goes onto the exposed nail surface! Keeps your hand steady, too! Includes a holder for your polish bottle, sizing discs, built-in storage area, 200+ nail decals. 5" diam. x 3½" H.

Ok, if you can't paint your nails without getting it all over your skin (see insert picture), you are an idiot. 

Out of breath? Lung cream helps relieve wheezing, coughing and shortness of breath, so you feel better fast! Powerful herbal formula contains ingredients known to thin mucus, control phlegm build-up and help restore normal breathing. Simply rub onto chest; works in minutes! Ideal for colds, bronchitis, asthma, emphysema and smoker's cough. 4 oz. jar.

Ok, if you CAN'T BREATHE, you need to see a physician. Not order "Lung Cream" out of a Harriet Carter magazine. Good hell.

Kegel Exerciser

Super kegel exerciser helps tone and strengthen pelvic floor muscles that aid bladder control. Regular use of this re­sistance exerciser helps ease incontinence-related “accidents”, slims and tightens thighs, buttocks and lower ab­dominal muscles. For men and women. Vinyl-coated stainless steel with adjustable tension setting. Includes instructions and exercise chart. 9" L.

Oh. My. Hell. I about died when I saw this. Borderline masturbation. Horrrrrible picture!!! YOU DO KEGEL'S ALONE, PRIVATE, WITHOUT ACCESSORIES!!

Easy Feet™ & Foot Wash

Easy Feet™ cleans, massages & exfoliates your feet from heel to toe ... without bending or stretching! Brush attaches to any tub or shower floor with built-in suction grips. Over 1000 rejuvenating bristles gently clean top and bottom of feet. Built-in pumice stone smoothes rough and cracked heels. Enhance the experience with invigorating Pepermint Foot Wash!

Yeah, this is actually pretty awesome. Especially for us fatties who can't bend over! Ha!

If this held cans - I'd get one. And I'd wear it, seriously. It actually would really help. 

Fat Magnet (E4644)

Amazing fat magnet removes excess fat & grease from foods in seconds! Here’s a great way to cut calories and make healthier meals: just place fat magnet in freezer till cold, then glide over surface of hot, greasy foods. The chilled metal surface changes the fat to a solid on contact, making it easy to remove. It’s that simple! Use it for stews, soups, gravies, sauces, chili and more. Easy to clean. 6" H x 4¼" diam.

Yeah, that is pretty freaking sick.

If you can't put on mascara without a "shield" - again, you are an idiot. 

Toilet Tissue Aid (C9374)

Easy-to-use bathroom aid extends your reach. Ergonomically-designed bathroom aid features a soft, flexible head that grips bath tissue or pre-moistened wipes securely and easily. Provides a sense of personal independence and assures discretion. Ideal for arthritis sufferers and others with limited range of motion. Unique quick-release button allows for fast, sanitary disposal. ABS plastic with silicone grip and pad. 15¾" L.

Now, at first glance, this is ridiculous. However, when I was prego and HUGE, I actually thought about buying this. You HAVE to wipe, and wipe good, and if you can't reach.....Just sayin.

Furniture Risers. Yeah, they look pretty safe. 

Landscape Curtains

Transform any wall or window into a room with a view! Create your very own oasis with these landscape panel pairs—all you need is a curtain rod! Two-panel design fits a window or wall up to 70" wide. Set of two 36" x 84" panels have 3" rod pocket; hardware not included. Wrinkle-resistant polyester/cotton fabric is machine washable. Imported.

And finally, one of my favorites. Seriously?