Bachelorette: week 2

Commentary has been requested, so here it is!
First, might I suggest a few common themes?

1. MASK = WHACK JOB
2. BENTLEY = DOUCHE BAG
3. ASHLEY = SEMI ANNOYING

• I know it is obvious, but really, really, really, are we seriously going with this mask guy? Is she really seriously keeping him? Is HE serious? I just can' take it when there is a totally serious camera shot of the guys and they pass mask guy just lurking in the corner like it is normal. WTH.
• William is cute.
• He is a cell phone salesman? Like a guy that works at the Verizon kiosk in the mall? Sorry bud, if she's a 'dentist', that isn't going to work.....
• She is an idiot.
• Max has throw up breath.
• Woaah, I think I almost saw her muff there in the white skirt...
• Someone just said "I am going to kill William at this point." That is pretty intense stuff. Wow.
• Mask. Mask with a beanie on.
• "Stealth approach"???? He's looking down from above? Does anyone else see that this has just gone too far? Last season they had fang girl, who was really pretty normal, that was just an attention getter. This is NOT that. Good job producers. He will murder someone before the show is over.
• **commercial** extreme makeover weight loss edition: does pulling an AIRPLANE make you lose wieght?
• I'm not sure the 'celebrity' attention is necessary for Ash.
• Wedding Themed date????
• Did the preacher just say "Don't lock your knees?" What does that even mean?
• Is she truly doing this date? Dumbest thing ever. Don't say she isn't sure he is ready for marriage, you have only talked to him for like 3 minutes of your life. Even so, this is not the way to 'test' him.
• Best first date, hu Ash? That is exactly what you said about the Carnival date with Brad...
• Ok, she might as well just take her clothes off, I can practically see  most everything anyway.
• Another shoooooort skirt.
• Man her laugh is annoying.
• Loooovvvve the dinner in the water. Love it.
• Notice the blanket covering her crotch as they row out.....
• "So many women love you!" "Yeah, I know!" Don't.
• Sad story about his dad.
• She is dramatic. I can't stand the side head tilt she does. Fake sympathy?
• Speaking of alcoholics.....notice the 14+ wine glasses on the table anyone?
• Mask????
• Mask has 2 watches on??
• JP looks old.
• Are there magnets on those roses? That is cool if there are.
• Do people really come around the world to see the Belagio fountains?
• They seem to be moving kinda fast..
• Lots O kissing...
• **commerical** J Lo has pretty beefy thighs.
• Ash, don't wear that pink checkered shirt.
• LOVE the Jabbawockeez!!!!!!!! Love!
• Speaking of J Lo, Ash would try to look like her popping up out of the stage wearing that...
• Man her voice is annoying. I think it is what she accentuates. Wrong syllables to accentuate? Plus the whine.
• Wow. Bentley is a Douche BAG.
• "No rhythm nation" is a gay name
• This whole thing is awkward
• She thinks she is HOTTT
• Why does Ryan M keep licking his lips. Kinda creeping me out.
• Max - throw up hamburger, cry cry, missed some of the show.....
• My hell, the guys going home act like thier freaking mom just died. They hardly even know her. Whatever!
• The same guy that wanted to "kill" William earlier just said he wanted to throw himself in the engine right now. He maybe needs to take it down a level or two....It is only week 2....Hope she doesn't send him home. he's practically suicidal already.
• Haha - those look like my old drill team unitards. But black. Much better than our orange ones.....
• Did I mention I LOVE the Jabbawockeez?!
• Ok, she does look pretty good.
• How is she not sweating????
• Really, how is she not sweating?
• Luckiest girl in the world, eh? Just wait until next week.
• Again, how is she not sweating? I'M sweating just sitting here.
• **commercial** Ashton Kutcher is freaking hot. Even with his hair stupid like that. Ahhhh.
• I miss my DVR. Miss is badly.
• Did she just say dentists have the same personalities? What?
• Sad seizure story. Hate it.
• However, what the hell shirt/sweater is he wearing? Tufted sailor neck? Noo-no.
• What an asshole Bentley is. He is cute, but not cute enough to be being that big of a dick.
• I sure hope that is a yellow swimsuit under her wierd see-thru shirt and not a bra. Either way would be wierd, since they AREN'T SWIMMING.
• Why is she begging? Like dog begging. Panic.
• He wants to go play blackjack?
• Kiss started good and then he got bored???? What guy gets bored making out?
• Don't name your kid Mickey. Mickey (Mouse)?
• Mask man in rolled up in a feather comforter in the corner. RED FLAG.
• What the hell did he even just say? He is not even comprehendible.
• She has ZERO boobs. Like indents almost.
• Wine + dad + alcoholic
• What the hell is this place? Is she on suspension cords?
• Coin flip thing = dumb = 2 dumb dates.
• They are drunk.
• Let's get drunk and watch stingrays.
• For the love - pleeeease don't wear loafers with no socks, Mick. Loafers are bad enough......
• Don't show an eagle soaring with the mask guy.
• Mickey doesn't seem that into her. He was more excited about the view in that room than her 'coming down the stairs'.
• He's pretty sweaty.
• Man, they all have a sob story, don't they?
• Haha, she is drunk.
• Seriously, flipping a coin for the rose?
• She sounds like she is talking baby talk ALL.THE.TIME.
• That is a cool beach thing. Mandalay Bay? I'll have to keep that in mind. I don't know what for, I will never ever go there. 
• If you really sit down and think about it, they often do these little private concerts, think of how awkward that would be. Especially if it is someone crappy like whoever that is. Even if it was Benj and not a first date, what do you do, just sway around? They are drunk, looks like they are just going to make out.
• She's not the type to just kiss whoever? Um, yes Ash, you are.
• JP is sweaty too.
• Done with the coin toss/gamble thing.
• What the hell did William just say? He came out of no where like he was talking to a football team in a locker room.
• Nick, don't line dance.
• His hair freaking irks me. Like internally pisses me off.
• Why is mask man always lurking? Why can't he just mingle. Be normal? Always on the balcony or in a shadowy stairway.
• Ben C, the one that is borderline gay, coincidentally looks like the gay kid on Glee.
• I think Benj is pissed. He is pacing around the kitchen looking at me. Wants his XBOX.
• Why, again, can't mask man sit with the others?
• Oh. Brain hemorrhage explains A LOT. And divorce also explains a lot.
• Shadowy....
• Haha, mask guy got shafted.
• He'd rather SWIM IN PEE? What. A. Dickhead.
• Got a good radar for reading people Ash? No. You have a bad radar.
• **commercial** the Samsung spider commercial is freaking funny.
• Prettty sure William is drunk.
• Constantine: #1 your name is dumb, #2 don't have your hair like that, and #3 if that is how your hair has to be, don't PART it.
• Mask?
• Ames looks exactly like a sperm.
• She picked Mask? I'm beginning to think this is a joke. Are the producers making her?
• I kinda like ring tats.
• Max just threw up again. Benj CANNOT handle throw up. Missed some again. Miss my DVR :(
• Mask????????
• I sure wish she could see the clips.
• He hopes his hair looks ok?? I'm glad he tells her at least I guess.
• Is mask really swimming in the mask?
• Maybe he should just wear it around HER?
• Someone brought up a good point: if he is trying to go for personality and not looks, he isn't winning either way....
• What the H is he even saying?? Does anyone understand him? Is it just me??

Like I mentioned at the beginning, those 3 themes seem to reoccur throughout..... Stay tuned for next week.

I am suprised you don't have music to your blog... why?

I totally have a playlist and everything and one time my bother made fun of it and it pissed me off so I took it off. Call me sensitive.

Ask me anything, I double dog dare you. Bring it.

inappropriate

Normally I would just FB this, but they are smei-inappropriate, so I had to say them here.

• Do your pubes turn gray when your hair turns gray? It has never crossed my mind until yesterday and I think it is freaking weird. (AND why do some people spell gray 'grey'?)
• I heard, somewhere, that a good cure for menstrual cramps is an orgasm. I can see that. However, #1, you are usually on your period heavily, which, depending on your situation & preferences can be messy/gross, and #2, if you aren't, you probably feel bloated and pissy and definitely not in the mood to be touched and/or prodded. But if you can get past those, more power to you. If Sheriece ever reads this, I'm thinking of you here.

2 other thoughts that aren't inappropriate, but while I'm here:

• Really, really, seriously, is your book that good that you can't set it down while you are walking down the road or while you are at JCW's eating? Really? Come on. Set it down for a half hour and enjoy being social. Good hell. I understand liking to read, but when it gets to the point where you can't go anywhere or do anything without reading in the middle of it, the time has come to get ahold of yourself.
• "On Location" newscasts. This has gotten out of control. Apparently, they want to show the public that they are 'on it' by being 'on location'. In most cases, this means something stupid like for the story about "Worn Tires and Wet Pavement" (yes, that was real), they have to stand in front of  Big O Tire store, that is closed, because it is 10 PM, and has nothing to do with anything, just so they are 'on location'. I've seen a lot of them standing on "Capitol Hill" anytime there is a court thing or legislative or whatever. It's pouring rain and they are standing in front of an old abondoned crack house filming a story about a shooting that was drug-related earlier in the day, just to get the right 'feel'.

Just on a side-note, I'm still peeing my pants like 3 times a day whenever I cough. If I'm not braced for it - it's out. Like shower about it.

Max pics!

It's been a while! Just FYI, in case you hadn't heard via FB or my loud mouth, Max dove off the bench at church and landed on the hymnbook holder - thus the huge "owie" on this forehead.....

this is how he sleeps - love it!

thats is ketchup on his mouth. hell, he kinda looks like he got in a fight!

he loves uncle Wes' truck! & DP!

I had to put this because I pulled it up while adding pics and Max walked by and laughed at it.

love this one!

little pouty lip.....

Love my little guy!

new pet peeves

1. You are in a public bathroom, one toilet. Someone tries to open the door. Ok, fine, now they know someone is in there. But no, they continue to rattle the doorknob as if.......what?? Maybe they were wrong? Maybe they could magically open it if they keep trying 900 times? Maybe they don't care if anyone is in there and they are just going to try to break in?? Calm the hell down people. If it's locked, wait 3 minutes. Still locked? Maybe, maybe, try again. Any longer than that you'll wanna just go somehwere else because either something wierd is going on and you will have to involve the convenience store clerk, or someone is taking a long nasty poo and you will need to go elsewhere anyway.
2. Husbands/men who speak for thier wives/girlfriends. This comes up at work a lot. A guy will call  in to make an appointment for his wife. That is not that bad; Benj has done that before. It's nice when I'm sick or something.  It is when a). you can tell he is controlling and/or b). the woman is in the background talking "through" him. Just put on your big girl pants and get on the damn phone with me. We don't need a freaking mediator. You are old enough to have sex; you are old enough to make a doctors appointment. What's worse is when the patient/guy are in the office. He checks her in while she stands behind him, all timid. You ask her, directly, a question, and HE answers. I talk to people about billing/$$ a lot and It drives me crazy when they can't make a move without his approval. Can't make a $5 payment without him telling her which card to use and making her explain in detail what she is paying for. They have to take 10 minutes to call him. I was talking with one of our nurses, who will remain nameless, and this really pisses her off too. To the point where she will say to the guy "Ok dearie, let me tell you how this is going to work. SHE is MY patient. I want to hear HER answers, in HER voice, and HER verison of the story. If at any point she gets stuck, or for some reason cannot talk, you can be her second string. Don't talk until then." Hehe, well said, I think. What is the kicker is even after they have had that little chat, the nurse will ask the patient a question, the poor woman will ask her husband what to answer. Makes me worry about what goes on at home.

I've been onery for like 3 days and don't know why. No real concrete reason, just generally pissed off. I think at least a small part of it is that it is getting hotter. I hate the freaking summer.

Why is elbow macaroni called 'elbow' macaroni? It really doesn't look like an elbow. If you want to start going that route you could call spaghetti "arm macaroni". I hate elbow macaroni. I think I'm just pissed off.

OH MY HELL

So....we have a little bug in our house, all three of us have it, and unfortunately it is causing explosive diarrhea, x10, in Max today. So, I had Max by myself today, which is a huge deal for me (working on it in therapy....). I was doing good. I got him in the tub and was going to hurry and vacuum. (I know I shouldn't leave him. I'm fine with it, Max and I have a system. He is ok). Great, I'm being productive and a mom! Hmm, well, I walk in to check on him and see this:

Immediately I start sweating. I'm not sure what to do. He is usually a nugget pooper. I can handle nuggets, they are solid. That picture doesn't even do it justice (This is after I took all the toys out). The water was yellow. Deep breath (working on this in therapy, today's session, actually). I have a cold too, so the deep breath causes me to cough which causes me to pee. Pissed off. Literally. Ok, now, um, get him out? Drain? Get toys out? I didn't have a clue how to handle this. Why am I sweating? I take MEDICATION for sweating, why, then, am I sweating? Hell. Ok, toys out and into the sink. Max, don't touch that. Drip poo on floor. Max, no-no. Water draining. Sweating. My feet are wet with mystery water. Look away - look back, he is eating the poo. Head in water, drinking it. NOOO Max, no-no!!!! Cry (Max). What the hell do I do? Call my mom? Where the hell is my phone? Ok, I have to get him out I guess to clean up. I stand him up and get the sprayer out. He happens to be deathly afraid of it. He is screaming - hitting me - screaming. I get him rinsed and set him out of the tub. I know there is a chance he will pee because he's naked, but I'll take the chance. Deep breath - cough, pee again. Ugh. He's probably cold - I don't even know where the hell he just went. Whatever. Get the Comet out and douse the tub and surrounding area. I'm not touching the toys - Benj can deal with that when he gets home. Too flustered. Sweating. Why am I sweating? Ok, so most everything went down the drain. A few pieces of - whatever - are still there. Grab a...... rag? Paper towel? Ugh!! Clean that out - bleach it. Max comes in. Naked with poo on him. He has garbage from the kitchen and throws it into the clean tub, laugh laugh, run out. Damn it. Clean tub again, Max comes in pees on rug, gets toilet paper out of the bathroom garbage, throws it into the tub. Mystery items inside toilet paper disperse into the tub (boogers? crumbs??). Good hell. Where is Benj? Why am I sweating? I smell like freaking pee. Ok, clean tub. Fill partially, put him back in. He's pissed. Scrub him down quickly. He pees in tub. I don't even give a shit. Again, mystery water on my feet. Pee? Poo-water? What is it?! Get him out, walking into his room and step in something wet. Pee. So he peed 3 times in a matter of like 5 minutes. That is almost dog-like. Marking territory. Thinks is funny. Well, my son, it is not. Get him in jammies. He's walking around saying "bah" - pointing at the fridge, wants his bottle. Sure he does, I want a damn Dr. Pepper, just freaking hang on. Finally get meds in him and a bottle and settle down with my 'rain sounds' app (therapy). Trying to practice anxiety decreasing tools, I take a deep breath, not thinking, and cough, pee. On recliner. Last straw. Benj walks in and wakes Max up. OH MY HELL. Really? Then he says, "Why is the carpet wet?" I'll tell you why the damn carpet is wet. Good hell.

That sucked. I need to go shower and clean up. I've peed myself multiple times. Benj is giggling.

Oh, and to top it off, I just looked down and found a piece of poo stuck in my wedding ring.

Bachelorette contestants preview.....

Let's first get a few things straight here. I am not an Ashley fan. I think she is super WHINE-y, she's not a dentist, and she doesn't know what she is doing or what she wants. Soo, that combined with I don't have TV, I probably am not going to be watching this anyway. But they posted the guys on FB, and I couldn't help myself. Also, I have a problem with thier "occupations". Example: they listed her as a "Dentist". She's not. She hasn't even started school. Hell, I started ultrasound school, so, I'm an ultrasound tech. It's that easy! Ha! Stupid Stupid. Half of these guys are dumb ass things too. Annnnnd, as a blanket statement, I'm just going to say here, Boys, button up your freaking shirts and do't wear necklaces. You look like idiots.

Ames. 30. Banker.

Average. Works at the drive-thru for the local Credit Union? Aim a little higher, Ames. Possible Little Man Syndrome.

Anthony. 28. Butcher.

Hate the chest hair. Hate the necklace. Looks like a tired tom-cat. Butcher???

Ben C. 28. Lawyer.

Ok, #1, he doesn't look like he is looking for a woman, if you know what I mean. I hate when they have 1+ contestants with the same name and they add the last initial. Makes it a little less personal. "Oh, I love you Ben C!? "Oh, contestant #422, your shirt is pink!" Wonder if he is a lawyer, really.

Ben F. 28. Wine Maker/Internet Advertising

HAHHHAAAA - don't! Anyone can make wine, he isn't getting paid for it! Idiot! Internet advertising could be porn for all we know. Looks ruffled and insecure. Bad hair.

Bentley. 28. Investment Banker

I'm going easy because I think he is cute. Minus the lumberjack shirt. And that one fluff of hair on top.

Blake. 27. Denstist

Kind of cute. Button up your shirt. Are you a dentist?

Chris D. 25. Sports Marketing Coordinator

I can't pinpoint it here - just an overall wierdness. High-schoolish? What would a sports marketing coordinator do? Coordinate sports marketing, I guess. I don't know what that means? Put up fliers when there is a baseball game? Throw T-shirts into the crowd at the Jazz game?

Chris M. 27. Construction Owner

Can you say BACKSTREET BOYS???? What the hell is that jacket? You don't own anything buddy. Wow.

Constantine. 30. Restaurant Owner

Hate his name. Glad his shirt is done up. Neck up = car wreck.

Frank. 29. Director of Admissions for an Art College

WOOOAAHH, freaky eyes. Or should I say 'eye'!!? Think his shirt is undone from the top AND bottom.... Eww, can't look him in the face, it's intense. And what the hell is he doing for a living?

Jeff. 35. Wine Owner

Double WOOOAAAHH. Red flags are popping up all over the place here. Freaky eyes. V-neck. Necklace. WINE OWNER? My hell, my mother in law owns wine to cook with, that doesn't mean a damn thing!! He is going to kill someone someday, if he hasn't already. How the hell old is Ashley? Some guys are 25, he is 35. What. The. Hell.

Jon. 26. E-Commerce Executive

Please, for the love, button up your pink shirt. That's all I have on him, other than his occupation sounds semi-legit.

J.P. 33. Construction Managment

Face looks realllly old. Construction worker in New York?? Hmm, doesn't sound really appealing. Looks like a guy who makes pizza and has mobsters in his family.

Lucas. 30. Oilfield Equipment Distributor

First of all he is probably out of work since we have no functionig oil rigs going on in the U.S. (thank you Obama). He looks Mormon.

Matt. 28. Office Supply Salesman

Wierd patch of eyebrow before his real eyebrow, but cute other than that. Just a few little plucks will take care of that. Shirt is stupid. Works at Staples? Hmm...

Michael. 28. Business Development

"Business Development" says to me "I tried to start a business and it didn't work and I am just kind of sitting here now". He looks like a cowboy with that scanty facial hair.

Mickey. 31. Chef

Spikes were out of style in 1999 Mick. Also has one creepy eye.

Nick. 26. Personal Trainer

This is classic "make me sick" type of guy. Tan, chest showing, goofy smile, satan patch of hair on chin, wavy long hair, PERSONAL TRAINER. Hate. Douchebag.

Rob. 27. Technology Executive

I could call Benj a "Technology Executive". Button up your shirt. Looks gay-ish.

Ryan M. 27. Construction Estimator

LOL, I could estimate your contstruction for you, it is going to cost a lot more than you thought or than you have. There, I too, am a "Constuction Estimator". Looks like a player.

Ryan P. 31. Solar Energy Executive

Looks old and Mormon. I have a solar energy flashlight, does that mean anything?

Stephen. 27. Hairstylist

More reg flags. Him and Ben C. should hook up and just walk off the set right now. Really? Really.

Tim. 35. Liquor Distributor

Holy hell. He looks like someone you'd see in a casino. Sooo....pretty much, he is a bartender? I hate his hair, his necklace, and his hair. Liquor Distibutor, huh?

West. 30. Lawyer

I can tell you right now he isn't a lawyer. He has little man syndrome. Are they serious with the blue-washed-out backdrop from 1988? Something is wrong with this guy.

William. 29. Sales Consultant

He looks mormonish too. "Sales Consultant" is so vague. I worked at Pioneer Party & Copy and was a 'sales consultant'. The kid selling shaved ice could be a 'sales consultant'.

So there you have it folks - the line up. Enjoy the season. Let me know what freaking happens!