ode to my crappy apartment

There’s a constant slight breeze coming from under the doors
Letting in earwigs and beetles and potato bugs on the floors
The windows aren’t sealed and let in the dust
Our yellow stove is old with spots of rust
The furnace makes a noise that can scare a grown man
There is someone across the street looking shady in a van
A swamp cooler sucks blowing warm moist air
But ours is the worst, dripping water all year
Our 1986 linoleum floor is warped and uneven
Better watch your step, it can be deceiving
From a mystery vent in the bathroom comes bird noises and water drops
And when you go number 2 – the water always stops
We actually own a professional plumbers snake
And use it quite regularly for GOODNESS SAKE
Laundry is done in the kitchen you see
You could easily kick in the door with just your knee
Pretty sure I’ve seen the neighbors doing meth & pot
Classy? Our cul-de-sac? It is not.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for a place to stay
But please, let us know, if something comes your way!!!!!!!!!!

(no offense to Shauna if you read this!)