"Knee-jerk response"?
Hate to break it to you, she could probably tell you right now what she thinks. I can see is loud and clear on her chewed up face.
Did her pursed lips (what is left of them), crossed arms, and lack of vocals give him a hint? No, Sargeant Sunshine leaves, with a little bounce in his step. Bless his heart.
She almost looks pregnant in that shirt, (I use the term "shirt" loosely) and that it saying a lot for a 89 lb girl.
Ryan really is pretty cute, until he opens his mouth and talks.
***commercial Loved that Target commercial with the Bocce ball and old people.
Ben, don't put a flower in your hair.
Don't have your hair long enough to put a flower in it.
I'm glad all my dates were on normal couches and tables. None of this picnic on a pillow bullshit.
His swimsuit is stupid. He looks like a douche. It looks like a Tetris game.
The boat is called Belemare, which means "beautiful rash" in Fiji. That is what she's going to have after this week is over.
Would be funny if one or more of those $50 pillows from Pier One flew into the ocean in that 45 MPH wind.
She feels protected. I love it. Anything could happen and she would be ok. Well, Ash, what about if one of the rest of the 80% of guys in the world who are bigger than him tried to "get" you? What if a shark jumped up and bit your face off? Huh?? Guaran-damn-tee baby Ben couldn't help ya.
In a matter of 30 seconds: "Rub it on my back, or all over if you want." Now she is horizontal. Now he is, she is straddling his junk.
Ben preforms a breast exam. A short one, but one nonetheless.
She's lump free. In two ways.
***commercial Crazy Stupid Love with Steve Carell looks freaking funny. Love him. Miss The Office.
***commercial "Take the Money and Run"?? Great way to breed criminals ABC. Good one.
HOLY HELL WHAT THE H is BEN WEARING? Man I wish I had a picture of that. See-thru (WHY) tunic TUCKED IN to khaki's!! NO!! Wow.
He looks like a gay version of Robinson Crusoe.
For once, her date tops her in stupid clothes. Wow. Someone needs to write that down. Don't worry, I got it.
She acted like that just blew her mind that he pulled out her chair....
I can't even listen I am so distracted by his ugliness. That shirt.
She looks like hell. Frizzy hair. No makeup. Red nose. Tie-die dress.
Hell, he does too. Must be humid. And they must be short on good applicants for the show....
Chew on face.
She hopes he will show her how he feels = she hopes he will have the sex with her.
I hate how they all act like the "Fantasy Suite" is a huge surprise. We all know, they know, condoms are in place. Come on.
JP and Ben have both picked her up from sitting positions and they both acted like it was fairly hard.
Wow, this outfit of hers is a bad one too. Good hell, can't someone screen this?
Why is she even bothering with bottoms at all?
Cue the 50 yard dash.
Euro-mullet. At least he recognizes it.
Cons: “This is going to be amazing! I can’t wait! I’ve never been in a helicopter before!”
Ashley: “No? I have tons of times. In Brad’s season, when we weren’t in a hot tub, we were in a helicopter.”
Cons: “Look at that massive reef! Have you ever seen anything like it?”
Ashley: “Actually, I have. Yesterday, Ben and I snorkeled around the reef and saw all sorts of colorful fish. We saw yellow and blue and neon green and red and…”
"It feels good to know I am going to be on his first helicopter ride". What the hell kind of a comment is that?
LOL they fly over Ryan, who is standing barefoot on the reef. He is probably bleeding, like a wounded seal.
Pretty sure she forgot about him.
How the hell did he hike into that cave barefoot?
I kind of like him, in a weird way.
She looks better wet.
The camera pans left into the bushes and I thought for sure Ryan's cheese face was going to be there watching.
108 houses?
CHEW FACE
He's out.
***commercial I am pretty sure that Obama was on the Cascade dishwasher commerical. No shit. I wish he would stay out of my night.
***commercial New Orleans = romance? No. It = poverty, mold, and boobs.
They sure keep flashing the name of that resort a lot.
Good hell I am glad someone put makeup on her tonight.
She knows, he knows. She still wants to have sex, just "to see".
She is always up for a meaningful one-night stand.
Mismatched bikini's
Interrupt
I like him. He is so NORMAL.
He tells her she is a pain in the ass without telling her she is a pain in the ass.
Hmmm.....kind of a set up for him to be the next Bachelor....
She reads the card to herself.
She has said fo-ward 90 times. IT HAS AN 'R' IN IT. FORWARD. FORWARD.
He sure got out of there quick, bounding like a startled deer. I bet he was packed before the date.
The Bachelor Pad has sooooo much drama, I don't know that I could keep up.
She realizes she is the first to ever be dumped mid-fantasy suite date, so she bow-legs over to Ryan to contemplate bringing him, too, on a fantasy date.
Are those drawstring sweat shorts?
Significantly less makeup this episode.
He is nice.
She tells him that despite the fact that he is a perfect guy and exactly what she is looking for, he isn't perfect and isn't what she is looking for.
This is also a good set up for him to be the next Bachelor.
***commercial Mood enhancing curly fries? Kind of a bold statement. Possibly true.
I can't even stand it. Now she has on an Indian print poncho + daisy dukes with a slit! Good hell!
I feel bad, again, for JP. You know this won't work in the end. You know she picks him, and they will break up. Sad.
Wow, a little hanky panky under water there.
They travel alone to a secluded island, with all the rest of the cast and crew, of course.
JP: TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT. YOU ARE THE ONLY THING HOLDING THIS SHOW TOGETHER. GIVE US A PEEK!!!!
***commercial (I know, more content in the commercials than the show) "A bra, uniquely designed to stay in place" It has rubber on the straps. Just like the last 5 bras I have had. Don't act like it is a breakthrough.
WHERE ARE THE TABLES?
There isn't even food there at that "dinner"
She tells JP that "they" decided there was no need to go on. She left out the part where he just left and didn't ask her. They didn't decide anything; he did. And good for him, BTW.
Her "dress" is safety-pinned. Goes to show you, IT ISN'T A DRESS. It is fabric, shuffled together over her privates, and pinned together.
Too much of JP's upper thigh there. I always say, nothin worse that a man's upper thigh.
Wow, they jumped right in to the sex there.
2 guys have full on left the show - by their own choice. Funny.
Her sunburned arms give me a sense of satisfaction for some reason.
CH gives meaningless nods as she pretends Constantine left because they were moving too slow. Not at all because she is a marginally attractive, insecure, high-maintenence whiner. Nope.
CH: She really wants to drag this on and have a rose ceremony? We could have fit tonights content into a half hour.
ASH: But Chris, I want to show the world my sparkly iridescent mini dress.
CH: I can almost completely see your right boob. I will go tell the guys to wait another half hour in the pouring rain while you symbolically turn over Constantines picture and gaze off into the middle of nowhere. Good hell Ashley.
I love that CH tells her she has to tell them this and that etc. BABYSIT.
Must have been an awkward conversation between JP and Ben waiting for her to shut up and get down to the mock ceremony. "Soooo....how was it?"
Again, CH tells the guys, there are things to say, but I have instructed Ashley that she has to say them.
JP freaking hates her with other guys.
Ashley's sister is right with the whole 'she can't just go with her gut feelings all the time' statement.
Wow - that last clip wit Ash and Ben talking about toes = DRUNK!
Note that the "Guys tell all" show is Sunday. Usually they add a week and have it on Monday.....It seems they have caught the "GET THIS SHOW THE HELL OVER" bus.
8 comments:
Even with only a little substance to work with, I liked it. You kinda had a gyno theme going, what with the kegels, and boob exam! lol. Not sure I could handle Ryan as the Bachelor, for another season. Kinda excited to see the episode with the bitchy sister.
With nothing to work with you sure came up with a few things that make me laugh, these are just some
...."Sergeant Sunshine"
...."Ben preforms a breast exam!"
...."Beautiful Rash in
Fiji"
..."JP take off your shirt, your the only thing holding this show together (That's for sure!)
She does have bad hair, bad clothes, bad makeup, and a bad personality, plus the lip chew,do they teach them that in dental school? I thought you were supposed to have teeth you are proud of.... Poor CH he is a little annoyed, and it could have taken place in 1/2 hour. But the whole show was worth seeing Euro Mullet get the hell out of there. He did bolt like a scared deer. There was no way he wanted anything to do with the FS!
Good job on calling it!
If they have Ryan as the next bachelor they are in for a complete disaster! They would have to call in Obama and the crew for all the episodes!
Obama has officially crossed the line!!!
And I thought the same thing with "fo-ward" she is the most annoying girl in the world.
I can always count on you for a good laugh, thanks!!!
You are too funny Sarah! I don't watch the show but after I read your commentary I always tell the girls at work who watch the show all about what you had to say. You crack me up!
Hate the show, love the blog. I know she only weighs 86 pounds and is as big as my one leg, but if I were that little, I would show off my bow legs too! Maybe I'd even wear skin tight stretch jeans with prostitute heels. Who knows? I guess we will never know cuz even if I lost weight, my one leg would still be bigger than her! Don't like Ryan at all and if he is the next Batchelor I would never watch it - never! Talk about not getting it! Is there really a reason he gave her a week to decide if she wanted him there or not?! I mean really.... she already let him go. Goodbye don't come back! And Sarah, I think 3 left the show voluntarily didn't they? Bentley, Mick, and Constantine. I love JP - he needs to be the next Batchelor - well you know after he dumps Ashley. And he does kind of remind me a Jake! Keep it up Sarah - love, love, love, this!!! Anyone watch Project Runway? Maybe you could blog about that. My favorite show!!!
Oh - JP reminds me of Jake Beck, not the Batchelor Jake. Just want to make sure everyone understood that comment.
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