The Bachelor - week 6

Aye Aye Aye. I was so bored this week, had I not had to blog about it I would have gone to bed an hour ago. My summary of the whole show is this: I am SO TIRED of watching him kiss. I feel like half the time he doesn't understand what the hell the girls are saying {bolt, cut to the chase, chivalry} or what is going on, so he just makes out. And tucks their hair behind their ears. He does that to every girl, it is so annoying. I hate my hair tucked when it is 'done' and I would be pissed. It's like a bad spanish soap opera (thanks Manda).

New Zealand is gorgeous and my hair would be fuzzier than a black lady's hair after it has been brushed. Of course, just like {San Deigo, Spain, LA, New York, Korea, Bora Bora, Scotland, Veitnam, Brazil, Canada, Sweden, Italy, Fiji, Hawaii, and the 900 other places they have been the last 19 seasons}, it is the perfect place to fall in love. Cassandra's ski pants distracted me all thru the first scene, but apparently Andi got the date. Then the 2 moms cried next to the fire, and again I'll tell you Renee needs to switch from being a Real Estate Agent to being a therapist. Andi and JPG get in a very large jet ski, where everyone is wearing life jackets but them, and go 3000 mph, put booties on and hike thru the narrows (which were called "the Squeeze" and I thought for sure he said "The Queef"). I'm so sick of his accent. The camera men seemed to fit fine in the narrows because they followed them the whole way to the hot waterfall where of course they just made out. I think JPG has trust issues, he is always talking about the girls just trusting him, and if they would just trust him and "look at me". Man was it refreshing to see a one piece swimsuit and she is darling. Then ABC puts the dinner table too close to the active exploding geyser and it ruined dinner and they couldn't really talk so they walked to a bridge and made out, surprise surprise. He wore a silk gay scarf, and I felt like there was no content here, just kissing and bland talk {yada yada, I want a family, me too, I have a daughter, blah}.

Cassandra calls him just 'Juan' and somehow it makes me more uncomfortable than full on saying Juan Pablo. She is young and you can tell. 22 to be exact. She repeats things a lot (remember the whole "I haven't been on a date since I was like 18" she said 3 thousand times on their one on one?). The ball thing looked really fun actually. The entrance and exit were quite awkward however. They literally looked like they were being birthed when they came out. Wet, cervix, plop, screaming, etc. They go to Hobbitville for their night part and I can't think of anything worse. I hate the hobbit and Harry Potter and all things like that. Sharleen is "geeking" out and that comment out of her mouth solidifies that I can't stand her and I am happy she leaves (whoops, they made it look like it happened this week and it isn't until next week!). Renee's eyelashes are bordering on too clumpy and she didn't need to carry the hobbit lamp around, there is a lit camera following you for hell sakes. ***EVERYONE!! It is Cassandra's 22nd BIRTHDAY!!! AND SHE WOULD LOVE A ROSE!! IT WOULD BE, LIKE, THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!*** I told you she repeats things.... Anyway, instead of a rose she gets immediately sent home. Evidently the producers told him to watch the limo until you can't see the taillights anymore, even tho it is a torrential downpour, and then sadly walk around the Hobbitvillie grounds sulking for 20 minutes before you go in and tell the girls, because that is what he did.

Clare's facial expressions bug me, and she talks in fragmented phrases. I can tell this because I was so bored I started picking out things. They pass over the beautiful lush green grass and find the rockiest place they can next to a river to lay down and kiss. She still has some PTSD from her days in 'nam, and kind of demands an apology, and he gave her one kind of, and that was really it. I like that they got in sweats at night. Also, if he he has never done anything - not even hold hands - in front of Camilla with a girlfriend, that little girl is in for a show when she watches the season. I call bullshit on that.

It sucks if you have a bad headshot for the little table that the Bachelor/ette contemplates before each rose ceremony. Kat tells some bullshit story about how she isn't aggressive with guys {Um, isn't she the one who had JPG's head in her crotch for like 2 hours and thought for sure she was a pro dancer in Korea??}. Renee is wearing pants and a leather jacket, and Sharleen is wearing a full on opera costume. It looks weird, i wonder if one of them didn't get the memo of what to wear tonight. One of the most exciting things about this whole episode was how the camera showed Renee with a rose before the ceremony started. I got confused/excited for a second. Must have been an editing thing, because they showed her again with no rose before he started calling names. The next best thing was the sheep shit fight they got in. I wish they had shown all of that, that was freaking funny. Kind of a good parallel to the show this year, just a bunch of shit.

This episode was full of the same things every other episode ever of the Bacherlor/ette has ever said.

• This was the perfect day
• This is the prefect place to fall in love
• I'm taking a chance
• For the right reasons
• I'm doing this for Camilla
• The most dramatic rose ceremony yet
• I have trouble opening up
• I don't like to feel vulnerable
• This was the best day of my life
• He is the perfect guy/girl
• It is really starting to get serious
• I want to find love

As much as Sharleen bugs me I do like that she is not buying the idiot that JPG is and claims he is not. And another girl does too, later (spoiler!). I think it is a record for how many girls eliminate themselves. I think he just really wants to be on DWTS.