Bachelor week 7

My mom and I were cleaning of bits of chocolate cake from the grandkids before the show and the first scene is JPG with a big piece of what happens to look exactly like chocolate cake on his face. For a minute we thought it was on the screen, but nope, it was a crumb on his face. Classy, JPG. 

Sharleen the OPRAH (as in Winfrey) singer gets the first one on one. Yep, JPG said Oprah instead of Opera, and that, folks, singlehandedly sums up why she left. Also, did anyone else notice she has freaking pliers in her cleavage???? 

So weird. But like Clare says, "(Sharleen) is an anomaly" and it is so true. I wish she had just come right out and said - "JPG is hot, but dumb as a rock and I am too good and smart for him".  Anyway, on to the date. Sharleen is looking for a cerebral connection that she isn't going to get. JPG doesn't even know what cerebral means.  He gets on the yacht and lays right down expecting to make out, because that is all he knows how to do. That and calm frazzled girls down (I'll get to that later). She is really searching, anywhere, for a brain connection, and this guy can hardly speak english still. The footage of this date establishes what we already know - they have a physical connection. And she is a weirdo. In fact, Chris Harrison recently said: “I find their relationship so intriguing. In New Zealand, she didn’t even say hello before he jumped on her and started making out with her. Even she was like, ‘What was that?’ It’s like, ‘I don’t know what to say to you, we have very little in common, so I’m just going to make out with you.’ " She goes straight home to talk to momma Renee for counsel about leaving, and this Oprah singer decides to leave - she is just too good for JPG. And I am kind of relieved for her. 

Nikki gets the second one on one - which pisses everyone off - and he decides to have her meet his family 2 weeks early. Did the other girls know this? Namely Clare?? Strange how Nikki is kind of the villain this season, and she isn't even mean. She's a pediatric nurse for hell sakes. The poor girl showed up in super short shorts and a super low cut shirt, which was unfortunate for a dance recital with the parents. They go to a flower store, and JPG picks out a cilantro and tulip mix for his precious Camilla. I picked cilantro off my Cafe Rio salad today, but the way. Holy shit this guy sweats a lot. 

Wow. I am a known sweater. I take medication for it about it. So I know a little something about it, so I'll go ahead and give him some advice. #1, don't wear a gray shirt that is 2 sizes too small #2, don't hike up 3,000 rows of bleachers when it is 100 degrees out and out are on a date (take the elevator).  Nikki drops the L word to him and then says "He hit a home run with this date". 

Oprah decides to leave and goes to tell him. Her pink high waisted shorts are giving me a pink wedgie I don't want to see. Why are they whispering? He is taking this so well I don't know if he understands she is leaving? I actually think he may have picked her in the end if she was still there. And the next girl I'd think he might pick ends up leaving too.... maybe that is why things don't work out for him this season. (BY THE WAY.... the whole naked text picture that got leaked out by the winner is freaking funny and ridiculous to me. He claims to be sooooo into being Mr. Good Dad, yet is sending out pics of his erect pepe? And then she tweets it! Hahaha, he is an idiot!)

GROUP: I am very distracted by sweet Andi's dress on this group date. And then the water shoes. She pulls him aside and starts crying, needs some affirmation, doesn't know what to think, etc. JPG is the damn Horse Whisperer and immediately calms her down. I am very interested to see what happens on the overnight dates that pisses her off so much! I bet he is  He is super controlling, clearly, and I wonder if that translates to overnighters with her, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Andi ends up with the all important rose and the others go home. Clare's CRAZY comes unleashed here get a little taste of the selfish bitch that is Clare. More to come later. Andi and JPG go to one of the worst places imaginable, a latino freaking karaoke bar thing. The man singing is black, singing spanish, sounding female. Fast forward to my favorite part of the evening. Clare starts bitching about not getting the rose and saying it is probably because Andi needs reassurance, all in her permanently surprised looking botox face, and it is just too much for Nikki to take. She gets up and leaves, and Clare decides she is not going to let Nikki keep being a bitch. The fight goes like this: Nikki tries to talk, Clare interrupts. Nikki tries to talk, Clare interrupts. Nikki tries to talk, Clare interrupts. Clare talks, Nikki tries to talk with her, Clare freaks out.  Clare talks, Nikki tries to talk with her, Clare freaks out. Clare talks, Nikki tries to talk with her, Clare freaks out. My take on this is that Clare is a complete crazy bitch, who peed on JPG first.  She needs to literally and figuratively shut her big teethy mouth. 

JPG has resorted to a Peanut M&M commercial. This is a fantastic article on why JPG has ruined the Bachelor.

Renee looks horrible this episode. I love her, bless her heart, but she looks like she was rode hard and put away wet. Aged 10 years. Not good. Chris didn't announce the final rose this rose ceremony and it really threw me off. As much as I bitch about it, I kind of had grew accustomed to it. He sends home Chelsie, obviously, and to solidify her character, Clare whispers "huge mistake, huge mistake" to the other girls, referring to Nikki. What a brat. Chelsie gives a classy exit, keeping positive, and JPG cries like a baby. Is it wrong I like to see him cry? If it is wrong, I don't want to be right.