Bachelor: Hometowns and Overnights

I have two whole nights of a complete disaster to blog about - so here goes. 

Both nights he has countless lame/gay/ugly/dumb outfits on I can't even talk about it. And both nights he says soooooo many dumb things. I tried to write them down and document them but may have missed some. Please just know that I know, it was noted. 

HOMETOWNS:

Just the mere fact that he is doing M&M commercials should tell us all a little something about the ratings and success of this season. 

Nikki has TINY hips. Like wowzers. If he wants more kids, I'm not sure those are childbearing hips. I'm just saying. She decides she really wants him to be a cowboy (or to see if he can be a cowboy) or something, and takes him to get BBQ and ride a mechanical bull. Because that is what is important in a relationship, BBQ and bull riding. He is wearing a weird non-puffy puffy vest over a normal shirt. Evidently they don't have BBQ sauce in South America and JPG devours like 3 racks of ribs and then squirts remaining sauce on his fries. That should tell Nikki something. He meets her family, and her dad is refreshingly normal. He tells JPG pretty much he knows this is all just bullshit and not to propose unless he is 10000% sure and there is no way he can be with other girls there, soooo don't. She really wants to tell JPG she loves him and it got really awkward and she never did.

Andi is awesome and takes him shooting. This is very telling to me and should have been to her too. He comes in wearing a 3/4 sleeve pink shirt with a cutoff basketball gym shirt over it. 

Andi wants him to be uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable looking at that shirt and watching him awkward stand trying ask the guy at the range how to hold a gun. He seriously doesn't even hit the paper the targets are on, while she is capable of murdering someone, easily. They get to her home and her sister looks exactly like her, just a married version of her. Meaning a little more rundown, you know how that happens? Dad is NOT impressed with JPG or any of their stories or really anything. He does like the meat I noticed. I loved how they were telling the family all the "amazing places they have been" and the reaction when they said "Vietnam" was "Ooooh...." with raised eyebrows and awkward side glances. This whole family night was really awkward and poor Andi tries so hard to be positive and happy. She tells JPG that her parents have been married 30 years, to which JPG, the idiot, says to the parents "Oh, so how is it going?" What the hell are they supposed to say to that? "Eh, not that great."? Mom has really no questions but wants him to salsa dance with her, which was weird. Andi sums this up pretty well, admitting she is really not feeling anything "yet", she is still trying for a connection. Her dad sums it up better when he says "He can go home by himself."

Renee starts off her segment by saying "I'm literally going to eat my son". I love the word literally and use it often, but that may have gone too far Renee. Renee is looking more and more haggard as the show goes on, and she is also wearing a curtain today. They go to her sons baseball game and I just kept thinking "These 2 are too good for him. He is such a douche." They go home and Renee leaves JPG to talk to her fam while she goes up with her son to shower, brush teeth, read stories, etc. That was cute I thought. Her poor little boy was all awkward on camera, he was probably so confused/embarrassed. Renee's poor mother looks like a mushroom. Wearing tie dye. A tie dye wearing mushroom. Her mom did have a good one liner however - she said, in regards to Renee being "in love" with JPG, "we can love our pets" meaning you can love a lot of things, but you aren't in love often.

Clare's ice heart is melting, evidently. It is black, dirty ice, but it is melting. She takes him to the rose garden (ironic) and she tells a few cute stories about her dad. Fairly boring, these two. Just a lot of kissing and surprised eyebrows and top lip stuck on top of her teeth. I have been excited to see her family even since Nikki said she was excited for JPG to meet her family because "the crazy has to come from somewhere," And it does. It comes from Laura, to be exact. First of all, I don't know that I realized how old Clare was, meaning her 19 older sisters must be in thier 40-50's. It really threw me off, I was expecting a bunch of cute girls, and got a bunch of old maids. Not sure if Laura is dominant, over-dominant, Mexican, trying to be her father, or just plain bat shit crazy. She is walking around picking wedgies out of her butt, doing the "oh no you di-ent" black lady hand shake thing, interrupting, and talking for "mamma". Hovering in the trees, hovering in the shadow of the house. Weirdo. Evidently "mamma" doesn't speak, so at one point I thought maybe she was going to translate or seomthing. My hell.  **Disclaimer, I take back making fun of Clare being part Mexican. Clearly, after hearing mamma speak, she might be 1/4 or something** There is one little white lap dog here that has been getting a massage for a good solid 2 hours now. Lucky guy. One of the sisters is always holding it, rubbing it down. Anyway, mom finally talks and says to JPG (the only part I could understand) "You'll be very loved and welcome in our family." No. No JPG, you won't be. So good luck there. 

Clare = BOOBS at the ceremony. That is all I can see. And all I can hear is JPG saying "will you ass-ep dis rose?". This rose pretty much means he wants to have sex with them. So, there's that. Renee predictably goes home.

OVERNIGHTS:    Wow. Seriously.

JPG says at least 13 times "no cameras" or "complete privacy" during this episode. Think he wants to freaking hide something? Oh right, it is a *language barrier*....

Clare and JPG hop into a POS fishing boat and drive to a yacht to spend the day (such a contract to playing soccer in a poor village with little kids, but I digress...). They immediately start making out, do the obligatory Titanic scene at the boat front,  then jump in the water. I find it interesting they have 1-2 camera guys in the water waiting to get under 2 minutes of footage of thier dangling legs. Isn't that kind of a big setup deal for some lame footage? I guess it would be cool if a shark killed one of them. Or both. Anyway... Some lame JPG quotes: He is "ess-eye-ted to have some real quality time" as if nothing up until now has been quality. Then he says "We are going to get to know each other. A lot better." **Smirk**

By this time I think you all know I think JPG is a controlling chauvinist jerk off douche bag, and if you didn't, I do. As much as Clare bugs the hell out of me, I think she is smarter than him. Too good for him, I might even say. Do they ever really eat food on the show? They just got up to go to the sex suite and left their cute mini-burgers on skewers sitting there. JPG is wondering why on earth Clare would be thinking, and thinking a lot. Um, could be getting married/having sex in a minute, just let the girl think. Someone in the relationship has to.

I wish they'd leave a day between the overnighters. He literally probably pulled it outta Clare a few hours ago, aaaaaand here's Andi! They wonder around a market, in his lame tank top, 

I'm wondering if he got ahold of some pot in St Lucia, he looks stoned the whole last hour of the show.

see him interact with littles, play soccer in the dirt. Eat hell knows what. This is what I was saying, Clare wouldn't do that. She is too prissy I think. They drive to a really pretty waterfall (flashback to another one of their dates) and she again has a darling one piece suit on. She is not confident in this process or in him, at all. Amazingly, really, amazingly, JPG picked up on something, a real issue, and brought it up. She saying she "badly wanted to fall in love" bugged him and made her sound desperate and he wanted to clarify. After yesterday he told Clare to stop thinking so much, she now says to Andi "there's nothing wrong with thinking" He has himself set up in so many double binds. He then says to Andi, "If I decide I like Andi..." which was red flag #1 of about 50 that come later. JPG thinks the overnight date went fabulous. Had a great time.                   hehehehehe

Nikki, bless her heart, shows up looking like an Aztec threw up on her. She literally (see what I did there?) could have said "Oh, did someone order a Pocahontas stripper? Maybe I'm in the wrong place." and walked off. What the hell. And this girl is tiny, but it makes her not look tiny. Then JPG has on another gay tank top.

They saddle up and go horse riding, which was beautiful actually.

Just a couple of asses

JPG says a lot today to Nikki "You are thinking a lot." Binding his weird self into another bind. Nikki's night dress is cute. The predictable fantasy suite card comes - really meaning "put out or get out", and they skeedattle off. {As s side note, does anyone else think Chris Harrison's handwriting is super girly? I'm sure a producer wrote it and he signed it, but they ought to either have him write it or type it. Oooor, maybe he is just girly. Not that there is anything wrong with that....) I couldn't hear very well over the flock of birds mating or ripping a part a small animal outside, but I did catch "total privacy" "she's a good kisser, I can't wait for more" "she will get the real me" - like everything up until now has been fake. Nikki finally drops the L word.

Chris Harrison meets up with him to chat. Call it a language barrier, call it JPG is a dumbass, or whatever you want, but the convo went like this:

CH: How are you?

JPG Good.

*pause*

CH: Ok. What does that mean?

JPG: Yeah, I like these girls. 

*pause*

CH: You're an idiot. 

I threw in the last part, but you get what I mean. There is no depth to this guy. He has to watch the video messages, which was nice to see. He had to watch, not interrupt or touch their face/hair. Just listen. Andi's message said she was coming to talk to him, and then it started. 

To paraphrase Andi: This was a train wreck. *JPG interrupts* He thinks it is ok to just respond to everything with "besitos" and "it's ok". It is not serious to him at all. *JPG interrupts* He just wants to kiss and talk trivial things. *JPG touches hair and tucks it* I want to die if I hear "it's ok" again. He never asked anything about ME. He doesn't even know me. *JPG touches the bridge of her nose and outlines her eyebrows*

To paraphrase JPG: The word default isn't even in my language. It's ok. I may have said "you barely made it here" (like that is any better!!) It's ok. You are taking it the wrong way. It's ok. I've never used the word 'default". If you wanted me to ask questions about you you should have asked (asked him to ask questions?) When i say "it's ok" is is just natural. It's ok.

Yada yada. The short story of this is: He is a complete idiot. He has no idea what he is doing or what is going on. And it is not a language barrier. I love love love Andi even more now. I love that he went to touch her eyebrow and she pushed him away telling him not to mess up her makeup.She finally caught onto him, as did Sharleen, and it disgusted her. Good for her. I felt bad for her while they were talking, #1 he had NO CLUE what was going on, #2 he interrupted a lot and #3 he didn't get it and #4 he didn't get it, at all.

Now the true character of JPG comes out here after Andi left and they interviewd him. He says - If she would have just come and said she wasn't feeling it and wanted to leave, I'd be heartbroken. So sad. But she argued with me. And I didn't like that. That ruined her for me. Controlling much? (que "look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me" episode)

Everyone is sweat glazed at the ceremony, while JPG kind of skims the surface of why Andi left. Nikki is worried because they are BFF, Clare is just glad there is only 2 left now and she will be getting married soon. I love how she says "It will be telling about JPG as a person" referencing who he is going to pick, since her and Nikki are so different. That will come back to bite her. 

The bit for next weeks WTE episode.... Oh Chris, you make everything so dramatic. "The most controversial season of the Bachelor EVER" and "shocking finale". Come on. I've been bored out of my mind this season, only blogging it so you good folks don't have to watch it.

Phew.

Bachelor week 7

My mom and I were cleaning of bits of chocolate cake from the grandkids before the show and the first scene is JPG with a big piece of what happens to look exactly like chocolate cake on his face. For a minute we thought it was on the screen, but nope, it was a crumb on his face. Classy, JPG. 

Sharleen the OPRAH (as in Winfrey) singer gets the first one on one. Yep, JPG said Oprah instead of Opera, and that, folks, singlehandedly sums up why she left. Also, did anyone else notice she has freaking pliers in her cleavage???? 

So weird. But like Clare says, "(Sharleen) is an anomaly" and it is so true. I wish she had just come right out and said - "JPG is hot, but dumb as a rock and I am too good and smart for him".  Anyway, on to the date. Sharleen is looking for a cerebral connection that she isn't going to get. JPG doesn't even know what cerebral means.  He gets on the yacht and lays right down expecting to make out, because that is all he knows how to do. That and calm frazzled girls down (I'll get to that later). She is really searching, anywhere, for a brain connection, and this guy can hardly speak english still. The footage of this date establishes what we already know - they have a physical connection. And she is a weirdo. In fact, Chris Harrison recently said: “I find their relationship so intriguing. In New Zealand, she didn’t even say hello before he jumped on her and started making out with her. Even she was like, ‘What was that?’ It’s like, ‘I don’t know what to say to you, we have very little in common, so I’m just going to make out with you.’ " She goes straight home to talk to momma Renee for counsel about leaving, and this Oprah singer decides to leave - she is just too good for JPG. And I am kind of relieved for her. 

Nikki gets the second one on one - which pisses everyone off - and he decides to have her meet his family 2 weeks early. Did the other girls know this? Namely Clare?? Strange how Nikki is kind of the villain this season, and she isn't even mean. She's a pediatric nurse for hell sakes. The poor girl showed up in super short shorts and a super low cut shirt, which was unfortunate for a dance recital with the parents. They go to a flower store, and JPG picks out a cilantro and tulip mix for his precious Camilla. I picked cilantro off my Cafe Rio salad today, but the way. Holy shit this guy sweats a lot. 

Wow. I am a known sweater. I take medication for it about it. So I know a little something about it, so I'll go ahead and give him some advice. #1, don't wear a gray shirt that is 2 sizes too small #2, don't hike up 3,000 rows of bleachers when it is 100 degrees out and out are on a date (take the elevator).  Nikki drops the L word to him and then says "He hit a home run with this date". 

Oprah decides to leave and goes to tell him. Her pink high waisted shorts are giving me a pink wedgie I don't want to see. Why are they whispering? He is taking this so well I don't know if he understands she is leaving? I actually think he may have picked her in the end if she was still there. And the next girl I'd think he might pick ends up leaving too.... maybe that is why things don't work out for him this season. (BY THE WAY.... the whole naked text picture that got leaked out by the winner is freaking funny and ridiculous to me. He claims to be sooooo into being Mr. Good Dad, yet is sending out pics of his erect pepe? And then she tweets it! Hahaha, he is an idiot!)

GROUP: I am very distracted by sweet Andi's dress on this group date. And then the water shoes. She pulls him aside and starts crying, needs some affirmation, doesn't know what to think, etc. JPG is the damn Horse Whisperer and immediately calms her down. I am very interested to see what happens on the overnight dates that pisses her off so much! I bet he is  He is super controlling, clearly, and I wonder if that translates to overnighters with her, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Andi ends up with the all important rose and the others go home. Clare's CRAZY comes unleashed here get a little taste of the selfish bitch that is Clare. More to come later. Andi and JPG go to one of the worst places imaginable, a latino freaking karaoke bar thing. The man singing is black, singing spanish, sounding female. Fast forward to my favorite part of the evening. Clare starts bitching about not getting the rose and saying it is probably because Andi needs reassurance, all in her permanently surprised looking botox face, and it is just too much for Nikki to take. She gets up and leaves, and Clare decides she is not going to let Nikki keep being a bitch. The fight goes like this: Nikki tries to talk, Clare interrupts. Nikki tries to talk, Clare interrupts. Nikki tries to talk, Clare interrupts. Clare talks, Nikki tries to talk with her, Clare freaks out.  Clare talks, Nikki tries to talk with her, Clare freaks out. Clare talks, Nikki tries to talk with her, Clare freaks out. My take on this is that Clare is a complete crazy bitch, who peed on JPG first.  She needs to literally and figuratively shut her big teethy mouth. 

JPG has resorted to a Peanut M&M commercial. This is a fantastic article on why JPG has ruined the Bachelor.

Renee looks horrible this episode. I love her, bless her heart, but she looks like she was rode hard and put away wet. Aged 10 years. Not good. Chris didn't announce the final rose this rose ceremony and it really threw me off. As much as I bitch about it, I kind of had grew accustomed to it. He sends home Chelsie, obviously, and to solidify her character, Clare whispers "huge mistake, huge mistake" to the other girls, referring to Nikki. What a brat. Chelsie gives a classy exit, keeping positive, and JPG cries like a baby. Is it wrong I like to see him cry? If it is wrong, I don't want to be right. 

The Bachelor - week 6

Aye Aye Aye. I was so bored this week, had I not had to blog about it I would have gone to bed an hour ago. My summary of the whole show is this: I am SO TIRED of watching him kiss. I feel like half the time he doesn't understand what the hell the girls are saying {bolt, cut to the chase, chivalry} or what is going on, so he just makes out. And tucks their hair behind their ears. He does that to every girl, it is so annoying. I hate my hair tucked when it is 'done' and I would be pissed. It's like a bad spanish soap opera (thanks Manda).

New Zealand is gorgeous and my hair would be fuzzier than a black lady's hair after it has been brushed. Of course, just like {San Deigo, Spain, LA, New York, Korea, Bora Bora, Scotland, Veitnam, Brazil, Canada, Sweden, Italy, Fiji, Hawaii, and the 900 other places they have been the last 19 seasons}, it is the perfect place to fall in love. Cassandra's ski pants distracted me all thru the first scene, but apparently Andi got the date. Then the 2 moms cried next to the fire, and again I'll tell you Renee needs to switch from being a Real Estate Agent to being a therapist. Andi and JPG get in a very large jet ski, where everyone is wearing life jackets but them, and go 3000 mph, put booties on and hike thru the narrows (which were called "the Squeeze" and I thought for sure he said "The Queef"). I'm so sick of his accent. The camera men seemed to fit fine in the narrows because they followed them the whole way to the hot waterfall where of course they just made out. I think JPG has trust issues, he is always talking about the girls just trusting him, and if they would just trust him and "look at me". Man was it refreshing to see a one piece swimsuit and she is darling. Then ABC puts the dinner table too close to the active exploding geyser and it ruined dinner and they couldn't really talk so they walked to a bridge and made out, surprise surprise. He wore a silk gay scarf, and I felt like there was no content here, just kissing and bland talk {yada yada, I want a family, me too, I have a daughter, blah}.

Cassandra calls him just 'Juan' and somehow it makes me more uncomfortable than full on saying Juan Pablo. She is young and you can tell. 22 to be exact. She repeats things a lot (remember the whole "I haven't been on a date since I was like 18" she said 3 thousand times on their one on one?). The ball thing looked really fun actually. The entrance and exit were quite awkward however. They literally looked like they were being birthed when they came out. Wet, cervix, plop, screaming, etc. They go to Hobbitville for their night part and I can't think of anything worse. I hate the hobbit and Harry Potter and all things like that. Sharleen is "geeking" out and that comment out of her mouth solidifies that I can't stand her and I am happy she leaves (whoops, they made it look like it happened this week and it isn't until next week!). Renee's eyelashes are bordering on too clumpy and she didn't need to carry the hobbit lamp around, there is a lit camera following you for hell sakes. ***EVERYONE!! It is Cassandra's 22nd BIRTHDAY!!! AND SHE WOULD LOVE A ROSE!! IT WOULD BE, LIKE, THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!*** I told you she repeats things.... Anyway, instead of a rose she gets immediately sent home. Evidently the producers told him to watch the limo until you can't see the taillights anymore, even tho it is a torrential downpour, and then sadly walk around the Hobbitvillie grounds sulking for 20 minutes before you go in and tell the girls, because that is what he did.

Clare's facial expressions bug me, and she talks in fragmented phrases. I can tell this because I was so bored I started picking out things. They pass over the beautiful lush green grass and find the rockiest place they can next to a river to lay down and kiss. She still has some PTSD from her days in 'nam, and kind of demands an apology, and he gave her one kind of, and that was really it. I like that they got in sweats at night. Also, if he he has never done anything - not even hold hands - in front of Camilla with a girlfriend, that little girl is in for a show when she watches the season. I call bullshit on that.

It sucks if you have a bad headshot for the little table that the Bachelor/ette contemplates before each rose ceremony. Kat tells some bullshit story about how she isn't aggressive with guys {Um, isn't she the one who had JPG's head in her crotch for like 2 hours and thought for sure she was a pro dancer in Korea??}. Renee is wearing pants and a leather jacket, and Sharleen is wearing a full on opera costume. It looks weird, i wonder if one of them didn't get the memo of what to wear tonight. One of the most exciting things about this whole episode was how the camera showed Renee with a rose before the ceremony started. I got confused/excited for a second. Must have been an editing thing, because they showed her again with no rose before he started calling names. The next best thing was the sheep shit fight they got in. I wish they had shown all of that, that was freaking funny. Kind of a good parallel to the show this year, just a bunch of shit.

This episode was full of the same things every other episode ever of the Bacherlor/ette has ever said.

• This was the perfect day
• This is the prefect place to fall in love
• I'm taking a chance
• For the right reasons
• I'm doing this for Camilla
• The most dramatic rose ceremony yet
• I have trouble opening up
• I don't like to feel vulnerable
• This was the best day of my life
• He is the perfect guy/girl
• It is really starting to get serious
• I want to find love

As much as Sharleen bugs me I do like that she is not buying the idiot that JPG is and claims he is not. And another girl does too, later (spoiler!). I think it is a record for how many girls eliminate themselves. I think he just really wants to be on DWTS.

The Bachelor - week 5

Preface: I have been sick all day, taught FHE to my extended family tonight and cried the whole time, missed the show, stayed up late to watch, Max woke up with horrific growing pains and cried so hard he threw up all over my bed, been doing baths, laundry, etc for an hour now, aaaaand so I'm a little out of sorts.

JPG rides into 'nam on a fishing boat like Leonardo DiCaprio on the front of the Titanic. I thought for sure a croc or a bitter war vet was going to jump out of the murky waters and kill him.

Ok, ok, some of Vietnam is pretty.

Renee
What the hell does it mean that JPG makes her hands hurt? She acts like its a good thing, like butterflies. I'm guessing maybe arthritis? Weird. They literally walk around sweating like hogs for their date. His shirt was wet about it. The custom dress stunt was kind of cool actually, very personal, and a good keepsake. However, the "this is the perfect setting to fall in love" comment wasn't. You are in a sweatshop that makes dresses in 'nam, sweetie. Not ideal. I did like that he bought her a fan. A nice way to ease the awkwardness of your date dripping like a fat man doing zumba. Benj has also bought me fans, but in more of a "quit bitching" kind of way. Renee is almost too mature for this whole show. He needs to take her on an adventurous or slutty date and see how it goes then. Also, she has been talking about their first kiss now for a solid 5 weeks, every time she gets camera time, so I sure as hell hope it happens. Again, they are talking at dinner, he notices her sweating, and MID-BITE blows in her FACE. TWICE. Wow. I don't know if that is cute or nice or gross or just really annoying. He says her eyes "hemnatise" me, but he still won't kiss her because he is worried what her son at home will think. Which is clearly an excuse, he kissed Cassandra, and pretty much everyone else...

Group
We pretty much go from a scene of him telling Renee he can't kiss her *respect, example, yada yada* to him almost immediately putting Claire in a dish and rowing her out to the jungle to pin her down and make out. Anyone else see a problem here?? What a prick. This whole thing was pretty much just catty bitching about how they all felt like it was a one on one with Claire. Which would be annoying, but, I kind of don't blame her. She maximizes her time. I often wonder what the producers tell the girls to wear. Clearly today they were told to wear a flowy tank top, cut off jean shorts as close to your crotch as you can without showing your vagina, and tennis shoes. Chelsie looks like a hillbilly. Andi is getting flusterd, rightly so, and tries to talk to him. Holy hell JPG could calm a tsunami if we gave him the chance to talk to it. For the night part, JPG choses to wear capris, a pink shirt, and flip flops. Just sayin. Another d-bag move to #1 grab Claire first, and #2 full on take her back to your house and get in the pool about it. That must have taken a while - and did NO ONE notice her hair wet when they came back?? Sharlene has a pretty back, and she shows it a lot. She mumbles something about an organic panda not showing her cards, then he just starts making out with her because he doesn't know what the hell she is talking about. And neither do we. Claire just *cannot* have this perfect night end, so, now that she conveniently knows where he is staying, she goes and gets him to have sex swim in the ocean. I thought this was actually kind of fun and romantic and dangerous and liked it. I'm pretty sure they rounded 3rd base, at least, out there.

Nikki
This girl has chicken legs, bad. I would have told JPG to go to hell, pun intended, if I were her. The crew of non-speaking (any language) Vietnamese guys manning the ropes at the top looked like they knew exactly what was going on.... for sure... I kind of pride myself on Nikki being a lot like me, personality wise, so I was super disappointed when she blurted out the whole "Repelling is like falling in love" comment, that we've heard 19 times over the past 19 seasons. Also, cliff diving, bungee jumping, rock climbing, etc, those are all like falling in love too. Mmmmmmhmmm. Well they make it to the bottom of hell, which was covered in a ton of creepy statues. An overweight squid eating a mermaid, a dead octopus, what looked like mannequins from Nordstrom, etc. {{{They just showed a commercial for an IHOP gift card and KY His & Hers Jelly for a "special" date night. Holy hell. }}} She obviously gets a rose after they chat at dinner in his BRIGHT yellow shirt and things are good.

I've noticed, especially this episode, JPG is either all over someone, making out, neck, touchy, rubbing, humping in the ocean (Claire, Andi, Sharlene) or he is very mature-like talking about being a dad, life, etc (Renee, Nikki, Cassandra). I smell something and it rhymes with smoushbag.

Ceremony
Renee starts off her camera time yapping still about kissing him, and thank goodness he finally did. Oh, because she talked to her son about the show and he knows, it is ok now. Whatever. He starts feeling guilty for the romp in the ocean last night, rightly so, and calls Claire out on it. She immediately loses control and is hysterical with allergies the rest of the night. He said the phrase "look at me" literally 300 times in the 2 Claire segments. I counted. My hell girl, just look at him. I thoroughly enjoyed that some of these girls aren't so gorgeous with all their makeup sweated off. It must be freaking hot and miserable there. He sends the predictable 3 home, and for some reason Sharlene completely loses her mind and is crying like crazy after they walk off. She is a strange one.

I kind of feel like I have PTSD now.