Thursday, January 31, 2013

Bachelor week 4 (did I skip a week?)

Well folks. Well well well. I was kind of grasping at straws this episode. Felt really boring to me. So this may or may not even be amusing..... The layout will be each date, per date, the rose ceremony, and then general comments. Here we go:

Sorry, this comment cannot wait until the end. Sean not only shirtless but walking around, junk and all, in tightie blackies! Thank goodness they weren't whiteies! I can only take so much upper thigh and partial genitals, and I get enough from the girls..... not to mention I'm thinking of this guy as my OBGYN/boss....Ok, phew. Sorry that couldn't wait.

Cute dimples, huge boobs, already talking about making babies with him. I wonder if she felt really awkward with a greasy hair bun in yoga clothes getting onto a jet via red carpet. I felt dumb for her. Paraphrasing: "all 110 pounds of this" as she points to herself..... that whole thing didn't go over well with me. 70 lbs of that is in your bra honey. They end up in what looks like Hildale, AZ to rock climb. In the middle of the summer. She hates this. I freaking hate this. I literally cannot think of any worse date - and I am serious. I have thought about it. Hot, middle of no where, hot, guy you don't know, hot, cameras in your face, hot, hiking, hot, then finding out you are rock climbing, which means, yes, that beloved ass harness that makes things protrude in your crotch you don't want protruding. Of course he takes the bottom position so he can keep an eye on that sweaty harnessed ass. Eww. Of course they make it to the top, but they couldn't have done it without each other. They each others rocks, their motivation, their partner to conquer this fear and this rock. (That was really almost what they said) GAG me with a spoon. At some point while bitching about the date, she said "I feel puffy" which I thought was funny. I too, feel puffy. I loathe the sound of the crow or eagle or whatever dessert bird they capture flying overheard. Hate. At this point I was ready to turn off the damn show and go to bed. But no - it gets worse. They sit on top of the rock and that damn harness does some horrible things to his crotch, which is in pink pants in the first place, and makes me throw up in my mouth.

Dinner: I get that he didn't want to go for any sort of glam for this girl, I get it. Sit her on a blanket on a rock. A huge velvet lovesac in the back of the jeep? But no, he chooses a trailer park. Yep. They get straight to business by skipping the food (do they ever eat anyway?) and going straight for the wine and snuggy time. Ok - clearly he is Christian and fairly devout, so they say. Obviously she is Muslim. Anyone see a problem here other than the #1. we are at war #2. have completely different beliefs about God and religion and #3. have completely different values, etc etc etc. But hell, shes a pretty face with huge boobs who was willing to do the show, so whatever. So as Sean is sitting there probably almost bursting out of his pants, she is telling him with her puppy dog deer eyes that her family is Muslim and very conservative (like cover your face if you are a woman conservative) and so she really can't kiss him. Can't kiss him not because of her beliefs, but because her mom would be mad. Which tells me SHE doesn't really care, she is just scared of her family, which she will get over pretty quick here. Never mind the limo and plane ride over where she was falling over him like a floozy wearing her tank with breasts hanging out and skin tight pants. I almost saw nip a few times. (Let me clarify that I think she is really pretty). They rub each other awkwardly and stare uncomfortably until the cameras turn off and I'm sure have a huge make out session, where mommy couldn't see. She gets the rose.

Group Date:
Day: Roller Derby. Genius idea. Nostril is annoying and ugly and I hope she goes away soon. Real soon. I found great satisfaction in watching the lie, the arrogance, then the fall, then the her being gone off the show for a while. Best part of the night. I thought this was really rude of Sean to take Sara on this date. I get the whole not discriminating against her and building her confidence - but come on. If you have a not so great sense of balance, you fall. If you fall, it is hard to get up, one-armed, in roller skates, on an inclined track. Even after he talked to her I thought it was bullshit. Also, I think she is really cute. Sean said the word "physicality" like 25 times in this segment. I don't even know if it is a word, and if it is I don't like it, nor do I like it being said by him that many times in a row. Then Sean realizes how stupid he is for picking this date and says lets all just skate around in skin tight roller derby costumes. *Yay!!*
Night: First shot of Sean shows him sporting a spiked hairdo similar to the one my 7 year old nephew wore to church last week. It was unfortunate that Amanda returned, looking like puke, trying to milk her injury. Funny conversation of the two of them trying to "see" the "injury" and it was decided they really couldn't see it, then Sean gives a quick awkward kiss-a-kid-who-fell-off-a-bike peck on the chin. Ohhhh Tierra. Like I said, I had hopes for her. I'm starting to think she might be just bat-shit crazy. The only thing holding me back from that thought was the look she gave the camera after her talk with Sean after the meltdown, because she knew he was getting the rose. Pure evil. She is the perfect drama bitch. She was like, “should I have my meltdown here? Or over here? Where would you like me to act like I want to quit the show, but only so much that someone has to talk me into it and make sure I’m somewhere where Sean might walk by. Do I look more pathetic and vulnerable with my hair behind my ears, or all disheveled?” I felt bad for dummy (forget her name, wedding dress first night girl) sitting there in her swimsuit all weird.

I didn't even want to watch this because I knew what was going to happen. She's nice, so it is sad, but she also looks exactly like a female version of Tiger Woods, sooooo....  Que Sean's outfit. #1 Sean's body type cannot wear skinny jeans. That is like Benj wearing skinny jeans (both stalky-ish and bigger one top). Skinny jeans are for gay men and small skinny men, ONLY. #2 Don't wear a vest like that unless you are actively participating in a rodeo or you are a groomsman. and #3 DO NOT wear a mock-collar underneath all that mess. Wow. It was bad. I couldn't help but think that her HUGE mouth, literally half her head (like those puppet bugs on Sesame Street) she was going to catch a bug. I hate that she said "Winner winner chicken dinner" That phrase is horrible and should never be used. I angrily turn off the radio whenever KBULL93 says it. I could come up with a better rhyme in the next 40 seconds. She gets on a mediocre dress, then picks a bag that doesn't match and jewelry that doesn't match and they head off to some romantic building. Too bad she didn't do her hair, that would have made this less awkward. Mid-way thru the conversation Sean mutters the phrase "Sometimes it looks good on paper but it just doesn't work", clearly setting her up for his next move, sending her packing. Here is where things got tacky. He/she or whoever it was took the necklace off before she got in the van, no, not the limo, but the van (see budget cut comments below). Just keep it on and have the producer freaking take it back later! Don't! Let's not make a shitty moment any more shitty, shall we? This date ends worse than I could have imagined, with Sean listening to a sad solo concert by himself, draped over the banister, holding the un-given rose. Then when the music stops, he drops it 3 stories down and if breaks, as if to signify how much I wish I could throw myself off of a 3 story banister right about now.

I hate when contestants say they want to "win" - it makes it more of a game and not about love. I can't believe I just said that. The chocolate joke was badddd. Had that awkward joke not ended in an awkward kiss she may have gone home. You can't kiss her then send her home. Nostril is in a flapper dress with 20's hair and a bruised jaw, super greasy face and maroon lipstick - sexy. Oh that was nice of Tierra to apologize! Annnnd I spoke too soon. The second that was over she uttered that the apology was "fake and forced". I hate when people answer "yes and no" (see sidebar pet peeves). I don't know who said it but I hate it. I think Catherine is cute. I love how at the actual ceremony all the girls stand there like they are at a funeral, looking solemn and desperate (and a lot of them look sweaty??). They glare into him like they will literally kill him if he doesn't call their name. So nostril goes home - thank goodness. She is sent out the back door, interviewed, and then just walks off over the wet driveway. No limo? (see general comments below)

General comments:
I cannot confirm it but I think there is some sort of different producer/staff/director, etc this year. Something is off. The camera shots, and CLEARLY the budget has been cut. Amanda apparently had to walk home because they didn't have a limo for her. Sean and Selma's jeep evidently had no gas or a technical problem and wouldn't start. Usually by this time in the show they are off in Tahiti or London or something are we are still in dingy L.A. And looks like next week they go to Montana....

Watch Tiara's eyebrows. They move and they move in a weird way. Just watch.

I cannot believe how freaking short all the skirts are this year. I know they have been in the past, but it seems extreme this year. It's only a matter of time before we see some labia. I want to say more about it because it is so bad and almost disturbing to me, but there isn't anything else to say. It is just bad.

I'll tell you where the budget is going - the alcohol consumption. Wowza. Every scene has wine, beer, wine, or wine in it.

Danielle looks like Brittney Spears on a bad day. A bad, psycho, didn't do your hair, smeared makeup, at Wal-Mart with the kids day. Notice.

Promo for next week's 2 episode extravaganza is out. of. control. It shows Tierra, in Alaska, in a bikini at a lake, running thru iced over water, apparently fighting with someone, then shows her (and a few others in the background) in thermal blankets in some sort of a medic tent, then her in what appears to be life flight with frozen arms in a Frankenstein position, complete with dripping mascara. Seriously. Really? Let me just interject that they made it seem like someone pushed Tierra down the stairs that one episode and they didn't, and that she pushed Amanda at roller derby and she didn't, so the promos are clearly making it more extreme than it is. And I fall into their little trap, because now I will for sure watch to see what kind of trashy drama will happen.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Bachelor Week 1 + 2

I've gone back and forth as to whether or not I'm blogging this show this season. I started to, had a small, yet routine these days, mental setback, got back on board, then decided no. Then I was leisurely watching the second episode and there was just too much to talk about - I can't get past it. Sooo, instead of a line-by-line, I think I will do a condensed 5-10 bullet point summary. I kind of have the first 2 episodes mixed up, so forgive me, but here are my thoughts/comments/concerns:

  • WHAT IN THE HELL with the freaking girl on night one in the blue mermaid dress with matching blue eyeshadow, semi-African-American??????????????????????? Mind you, she had on the tarzan-ish dress on the promo photoshoot pictures. Seriously, that was so bad. Not even a funny drama planted character ABC. Not good.
  • Sean: Ok, he's a body-builder. Ok. Oooook. We get it. We don't need a reminder every half hour of the show with a 1-2 minute shot of him running or lifting and in turn sweating. He has a nice body. You pretty much have to be the Bachelor (with the exception of Ben....). Also, halfway thru episode 1, he made a surprise face and - surprise! - he looked exactly like my OB-GYN. A younger, hotter version, but still him nonetheless. Which pretty much creeped me out. I actually really really like my doc, who is also my boss, like him almost in an unhealthy way, but Sean looking like a young version of him, combined with the over-doing of the body building, I'm not so much attracted to this dude anymore. Oh, and also his blonde eyebrows. No.
Those of you who know him - does he not look like Dr. Allen a little?? Gay sweater, BTW.
  • Cue the cheese. From the opening scene with the jeep, sunglasses, and wind blowing thru his hair, to the soft shots of him contemplating his future on the beach at sunset, to, NO SHIT, the words "I wanna be that rock" (speaking of being a rock to a woman) while ABC showed a couple rock-climbing. Episode 2, date with the long kissing contest or whatever, blowing confetti at the end of the date from the rooftop. Really? You just had a expensive date. You are on the roof of a building in LA, on a plush couch, drinking wine and eating freaking caviar I'm sure - no need for confetti.
  • I really liked the Arie visit. Funny. He had good kissing tips.
  • The Bachelor mansion always has wet sidewalks at night. Why.
  • The girls: I'm not even going to talk about the ones who are gone now. Waste of time (except the freaking WHACK JOB I mentioned at the beginning). I like Des. I think she is cute, seems really normal. Her bangs go from cute to awkward to cute often. I like that he said "she's really cute" under his breath right after he met her. Wedding dress/drunk girl from night one: surprised she is still there. Seems dumb as a rock. The Asian is way more cute in real life than in her initial picture. Tierra:s he was my very favorite from the get go. Then the commercials made it sound like she was a bitch. Then, as I watch, she really isn't...? I think she is cute. Interested to see how that goes. Armless: I think she is way cute. She looks like my friend/hairdresser Brooke. Not sure what ABC's point was with doing an armless person. Like I already said, it was nice of Sean to not invite her on the volleyball date. Also, all the shots of the end - where it shows Sean and the winner in the sunset (just their silhouettes), the girl always has 2 arms, soooo I don't think she wins. Professional organizer: she went on a one-on-one on the second episode, forget her name. I can't say for sure, but I don't think she actually has a job. She just likes to have things neat. Extremely. Which is probably a side-effect of her early life - an "outlet" if you will. I think she is pretty. Her promo on night one was really dramatic. I'm pretty sure the lace dress she wore to Six Flags was see-thru and she had a purple thong on, which was awkward with the cute little disabled girls. I think it is funny they played Spanish music when Selma came on the screen. POKER DEALER? I don't even know who that is. I think it is the big faced blackie (big eyes, big forehead). What the hell? Also at one point it said someone was a Jumbotron Operator. I think it might have been wedding dress girl. Some real winners here.... The "Fit Model" = one big huge nostril. I can't even focus on what she is saying or even what her name is, all I can see is a nostril. I hate it. HATE. The world record long kiss girl: pretty in a different way. Pretty almost overwhelming hair. Cute first night football ass-looking stunt. Weird that I have seen 2 fairly slutty lace dresses for day dates. Don't they say "dress casual" or "wear something nice" etc based on kind of what they will be doing??? You'd think they'd give the girls a heads up, don't wear a clubbing short see thru dress with 6 inch heels to this date.... you may or may not be around children and roller coasters..... I know she is gone, but I really really liked Kacie from Ben's season. This season, what the hell. Drama + looks like she had a stroke + voice more annoying than last time she was on TV???
  • There is a lot of drinking and botox.
  • Side note - I think they should do a biggie Bachelor. Also I think I kind of like rap music. And I don't like roses.
  • I would love to go to an ice hotel.
I'm all flustered because of my indecision to do this so I'm unorganized and it is pissing me off. I feel like I am missing important details, so I'm going to cut this off right here. I'll be fresh and more put together next week.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Bachelor Season 17: meet the girls

I didn't watch the show tonight (yet) but wanted to jump start with a extremely judgmental little preview of the gals. I am going to be quick and sum most of them up in one or two sentences.

Amanda Meyer
Age: 26
Hometown: Newport Beach, CA
Occupation: Fit Model
What was the most romantic present you have ever received and why?
I was offered a prada bag or the same amount of $$ donated to a charity that we would volunteer at (I went with the second).

Lumberjack, something is off with her face, what other type of model would you be, and bullshit "romantic present" story.
AshLee Frazier
Age: 32
Occupation: Home organizer
Hometown: Houston, Texas

The fact that there was no other info than this makes me nervous, she is def one of the cuter ones, I am PISSED I have to keep fixing the auto-correct because she has two capital freaking letters in her name, and "home organizer"??? Really? Really. Huh?

That is all the website had on her, and quite frankly, that is all I have too.
 Ashley Palenkas
Age: 27
Hometown: Birmingham, MI
Occupation: Cosmotologist
Her shirt makes her look like a jellyfish. Looks like a typical cosmetologist. That is all I have on her.

Brooke Burchette
Age: 25
Hometown: Pittsburgh
Occupation: Community Organizer 
They have to be politically correct here on The Bachelor, EARRING, and not only is she also an "organizer", but she organizes the whole damn community, not just her home. Take that AshLee!
Catherine Giudici
Age: 26
Hometown: Seattle
Occupation: Visual designer at Amazon
What are the top 3 things on your bucket list, and why?
To eat traditional pasta in Italy, to go skiing in the Alps, and to ride an elephant in Thailand.
Again, ABC being politically correct, 1987 called and wants this outfit back, ironic that her bucket list is exactly the agenda for this years (and every other seasons) show!

Daniella McBride
Age: 24
Hometown: Belmont, CA
Occupation: TV Host
What are your 3 best attributes?
My positivity, drive, heart.
What is your ideal mate's personality like?
Funny, sweet, driven, smart and charming. 
Cute, orange, a quick Google search yields zero "TV Host" results on her, likes to "drive".
Desiree Hartsock
Age: 24
Occupation: Fashion designer
Hometown: Costa Mesa, CA

Actually pretty cute, but until she wins Project Runway she is no fashion designer. Also, I don't like her shirt. (They all have flowy flow shirts)

Diana Weeks Willardson
Age: Early 30s
Hometown: Sandy, UT
Occupation: Salon Owner
Do you prefer team sports or solo sports, and why?
Solo sports - I never played on team sports. Skiing and golfing are the two I enjoy.
Oh hell, the Utah one. I guarantee your parents didn't give you the middle name Weeks, please just keep it at one name. A 6 year old can bomb a specific building, nay a specific room, on another continent from an iPhone and we can't find her age? I feel like a lot of people "own" salons in Utah. Not a team player.
Jackie Parr
Age: 26
Hometown: Boynton Beach, FL
Occupation: Makeup Artist
Pretty - bordering on not pretty - eyes and face (possibly because she is a makeup artist?), another jellyfish shirt, eh.
Katie Levans
Age: 26
Hometown: Charlotte, NC (by way of Kentucky and Illinois)
Occupation: Graduate Student, Blogger
I don't think I even need to say it, but there is a right way and a wrong way to do curly hair, and this my friends, is the wrong way. And what the hell does "by way of Kentucky and Illinois" mean?

Kelly Dutton
Age: Unknown
Hometown: Nashville, TN
Occupation: Singer/Dancer
Looks exactly like Barbie. Beauty pageant Barbie, if there is such a thing. Again with the bomb/age thing. Not even a ballpark range?

Keriann Miranda
Age: 29
Occupation: Personal Trainer, Equinox Gym, Los Angeles
Hometown: Los Angeles area
What is your greatest achievement to date?
Going back to college...I moved to a new state, made new friends, had multiple jobs and had a blast while keeping an honors scholarship, high GPA and finishing with a degree in 4 years!
Cute girl, I'd guess in the top 5 at the end, they obviously matched up the "we both like to work out" thing with her and Sean, over-achiever, not the cutest shirt.
Kristy Kaminsky
Age: Unknown
Occupation: Fitness Educator, Former Model 
Hometown: Delavan, WI
What are your top 3 all-time favorite movies?
1. Something's Gotta Give
2. Dirty Dancing
3. Father of the Bride
This is one of the most popular TV shows on earth, we really can't find her age? I wonder why the "former" part, she looks possibly old and with her favorite movie list she probably is, nice touch with the cross for loverboy Christian Sean. Don't tie your shirt like that.

Lacey Latka
Age: 24
Hometown: Stevenson Ranch, CA
Occupation: Graduate Student
She looks like a glorified Amy Poehler to me and I can't get past it.
Another cross and jellyfish.

Lauren Marchetti
Age: 26
Hometown: Cranston, RI
Occupation: NFL Cheerleader
Droopy eye, weird illusion with the pants, fingers, etc, I have never met a person named Lauren that was nice and the fact that she is a Cheerleader doesn't help me think she possibly is nice. Cute-ish.
Lesley Murphy
Age: 24
Hometown:Washington, DC
Occupation: Lobbyist
Looks motherly (sleeveless collar?), Lobbyist in DC = no bueno.
Leslie Hughes
Age: 29
Occupation: Actress
Hometown: Studio City, CA
If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why?
This might sound weird but I think being a homeless person.  To see how they truly live their life and the struggles they go through and how they got there.  So one day, I can help change the number of homeless people that end up living on the streets.
Has there ever been anyone not Caucasian win The Bachelor? Or even make it past the first few rounds? I'm a horrible person, I know. She wants to be homeless. Horse looking face. Semi-cute dress.
Lindsay Yenter
Age: Unknown
Hometown: Fort Leonard Wood, MO
Occupation: Unknown
A little sketchy with the unknowns here, but I'll tell you exactly how old she looks and that is about 15. Which is why she doesn't have a job.

Paige Vigil
Hometown: Minneapolis, MN
Occupation: General Manager at Appmosphere, Inc.
Remember Paige from Bachelor Pad 3? She only lasted one episode, so you may have missed her.
Here they didn't even mention an age, HUGE RED FLAG that she was on Bachelor Pad, meaning she was placed on the show specifically for drama, too much head tilt.

Robyn Howard
Age: Unknown
Hometown: Houston, TX
Occupation: Mechanical Engineer, Cheerleader
I'm done with the age and black thing now. Wowza, mechanical engineer AND cheerleader? Smart AND dumb at the same time!

Sarah Herron  
Age: 25
Hometown: Marina Del Rey, CA
Occupation: Advertising
What was your college experience like?
Finding the right college was tough for me.  I tried fitting in several university "type" colleges - even rushed for a sorority.  But it wasn't a fit for me - so I transferred to art school.

Looks 40 years old to me, college experience = big freaking weirdo.

Selma Alameri    
Age: 28
Occupation: Realtor
Hometown: San Diego, CA
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why?
Oprah, just because who wouldn't want to have lunch with Oprah and pick her brain for an hour.
Now Indian......I wouldn't want to have lunch with Oprah. At all. I don't even ever want to see Oprah ever again. Kind of pretty.
Taryn Renee Daniels
Age: 30
Hometown: Troutdale, OR
Occupation: Fitness Director

The first thing Benj said was that he liked her shirt, it made her look "curvy". I hate her shirt and want to scratch my eyeballs. It is really freaking weird. Otherwise, eh.

Tierra LiCausi  
Age: 24
Hometown: Los Angeles, CA
Occupation: Unknown
I think she is super cute, kind of an extreme cross, unknown occupation = no job. I predict top 5 for her also.
I wonder how off my observations were since half of you have now seen the show tonight... Huh huh?? I'm really pissed about the spelling of Sean and that I didn't notice it until tonight. Also I want to point out that when I did this Ashley's season, I made fun of JP for being in construction and old and wrinkly, and I take it all back. I think the two of them are so cute and I love him.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Washington trip!

We went to visit family in Seattle back in October. I am throwing these pics up before I forget to. Benj and I drove and it was a nice little getaway! Idaho was ugly, but Oregon and Washington were beautiful! And it rained...!

Jim and Brandy live on the military base there. It was cool to see the submarines and air craft carriers and just the way of life there.

Deer just roam the neighborhood! They are pretty much tame. We fed them apples.

Inside a sub

This was an old naval thing where they lived and shot things on the coast. I forgot the name of it. It was super creepy and cool.

Tracks on the ceiling for mine-cart looking things carrying ammunition


We got to go to a Utes game in Oregon!

Us on TV! I'm not in the pic thank goodness!