So I am on the hunt for a swimsuit. Last year it took me a good 2 months and I ended up with pretty much an expensive tank top and running shorts. Anyway, We are going to Yuba for the 4th and I thought I'd better get started. For all you biggies out there, you know what kind of crap options for clothing we have. I swear there is just some jerk of a guy making all this mumu crap in obnoxious sizes and no shape thinking to himself, "Eh, if they are in this size in the first place, nothin is going to make them look good. Let's just drape this horrible shapeless mumu thing made of whatever fabric we can find, preferrably the ugliest possible, slap some pockets in it for the fatties to stuff their twinkies and ship it to Wal-Mart....." Just encouraging ugliness. Seriously, did you ever think, if some idiot didn't make this crap, there wouldn't be as many ugly people. Don't even give them an option for wearing this. Really. Click on the pic, enlarge it, look close. There is NO need for this kind of clothing.
Anyway, I went to Target, Khols, WalMart, Lane Bryant, JCPenney, Ross, even online and this sums up the choices I have:
The one piece black skirt with neon flowers
Here, they mix it up with the one piece non-skirt, neon flowers
And finally, the one piece black skirt, featuring full floral print! (notice how the model is holding the skirt out. She seems sad and listless, like she knows how stupid she looks. She's thinking to herself "Here it is, your options once you hit the bigtime....)
WHATEVER!!! This seriuosly just makes me want to give myself a pap smear with a cheese grater. Yes, dramatic, but this is more dramatic of a situation than some may think. We (the biggies) clearly already have a problem, why can't we make the best of it instead of making it worse? Ugh!!! After many hours online, I came up with this suit that I think I'll get. I am not the kind of gal that buys things w/o trying them on, but apparently I don't have much of a choice.
Now the search is on for board shorts........
4 comments:
Oh my hell, don't! I am laughing out loud! You need to write in some newspaper column or something! The one you ended up choosing is darling. When you find some board shorts, let me know, I need some, too.
haha! you are so funny!
i love the pink suit. Its darling!
Don't. And where in the world did you come up with a cheese grater pap smear? Don't...again. You are out of control but that is why I love ya so much. The pink one is super cute-just make sure you don't get neon flower board shorts. Please.
I can't even comment because I'm laughing so hard at everything, the Mental hospital messages, Max smiles when he pees, big straws, the smell of catsup? Where did that come from? I'm not sure you are even my child... Maybe you were a basket on the porch baby.....and you are secretly related to Jerry Seinfield.
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