Bachelor re-cap

Yes, I am copying "Mormon in Manhatten's" blog.

• Wow - Brad is a mess.
• He looks like a really good version of Patrik Swayze.
• He keeps saying Chan is 'emotional'. Ok, put yourself in her place. What is this, 3 months? 20 bitchy girls, fight, date, bikini, kiss, butterflies, fight, drink, get drunk, fight, date, you like him, oh wait, she likes him, ohhh, wait, he likes her too? No crap she's emotional. Quit saying it.
• I can't handle Ashley and her spider monkey-ness.
• I hate that she said she would be ok if it doesn't work out. Go home then.
• Africia = most UN romantic place.....
• Do elephants growl?
• Safari = awkward for a date
• Don't wear that hat Brad.
• She's thinking the same thing.
• No go on those shorts Chantel.
• I do, however, like that she isn't a rail.
• She can't believe she's there? She has probably been there 100 times on a chartered jet plane with a private safari. Maybe even mounted a lion, slept with the monkeys. Brad: she has money.
• Don't say "South African bush".
• Omg. OMG. OOOOOMMMMGGGGG. Lions! OMG! They said it 400 times each.
• "I loved the look on Chantels face when we came upon the giraffe." WTH does that even mean??
• Don't try to make a romantic picnic by the hippo with a tour guide with a gun.
• Chan feels safe from the hippo with Brad. What the hell is he going to do?
• Yeah, he misses Chantels family......he misses her DAD.
• Yes Chantel, he does 'truly understand you' now that he has met your fam.  He truly understands that you are LOADED.
• Her boobs are huge
• Max just pooped.
• I hate the phrase "at the end of the day".
• Wow - Brad says the word 'badly' A LOT. Really. Is that even a word?
• He's been popping his fingers for like 10 minutes. Every finger, every knuckle. Yep, do it again.
• Please don't draw a heart with your fingers, Chan. Really.
• Quit saying South Africa is beautiful. It looks like crap to me.
• Treehouse? Really? No bathroom?? A mattress at the top of a dead tree.
• Hmmm should we have sex or watch for lions?
• Do you have a gun?
• She says 'like' a lot.
• Ahh, Em.
• She is hot. Love her outfit. Indiana Jones style.
• Awkward silence, waiting for elephant......
• Yes, Em, it is very possible a lion will eat you.
• Oh my dear Lord. Oh my goodness gracious. x100
• She is so cute.
• Man, I look like an elephant.
• Again, romantic picnic on the edge of a watering hole? With wine?
• I like that he said he knows she is a 'package deal'.
• Oh, long pause there to the "are you ready for a 5 year old' question.
• She looks like she wants to say something. A lot.
• Cue romantic elephant sounds.
• Max's poop is really starting to make my nostrils burn.
• Emily is so mysterious.
• Eww, moths!
• Dinner, she didn't do very well telling him her 'feelings'.
• Woo, fantasy suite card!
• They all act like they don't know what it is.
• DAMN!!! My TV froze!!!!! No!
• Ok, I will change his bum.
• TV frozen................
• Ok, back to the card. Yes/no, yes/no, yes/no???
• Ohh, she faked him out, yes she will take it!
• She is nervous!
• She breaks the L word out.
• He looks halfway pissed about it......
• Nope, he's not.
• Good hell, I think she is finally getting over the EX!
• Ashley. Please, with the shorts. Pockets hanging out? 1998 called.....
• Brad says "we've come so far". He was totally talking like literally, mileage-wise, not his relationship....funny.
• She bugs me.
• Again, Africa isn't pretty....
• Helicopter again.
• She's running! Excited? No, she hates it!! haha
• She acts like she is in high school.
• Oh, but she feels safe in the heli with Brad. Again, what the hell is he going to do if you crash?
• Does she even like him?
• "I had no idea how beautiful South Africa was,"  ....... am I missing it?
• Really, with the shorts Ash.
• Lots of bugs at this dinner.
• Brand looks like a lion.
• Yeah, it was a good Carnival date. That is all they are going on. They were prob both just drunk.
• What the hell is going on here?
• Did she really just say that?
• Yeah, she did. And she threw her hands in the air.
• We're going downhill fast here kids.
• I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I DO, drop her!
• Why doesn't she ever do her hair?
• BUGS! MOTHS!
• Is she talking about her food?
• Wow, she is kind of a bitch.
• Did she roll her eyes?
• Yes.
• Brad says 'let's get past the awkwardness' - yeah, nothing like a little sex to solve your problems of no compatibility.....
• "I'm looking at the lodge" WHAT? Send her home now!!
• Nets? What??
• Wow, that was awkward. I feel yucky.
• Max, don't play with that.
• They are making it look like for sure Ash is going. They always try to trick you though....
• Emily's picture looks like Barbie.....
• Brad keeps saying 'man' to Chris Harrison. He is a repeater.
• Why again are we in Africa?
• Oh man, he is nervous! Like throw up about it. Pop knuckles. Pull sleeves down. Adjust buttons. Pop knuckles again.
• Another pony Ashley?
• Oh, he's taking her away. Please don't try to 're-kindle' something...
• She is acting like a total BI-OTCH.
• He has questions. NOW she wants to answer them? Too late hun, you wasted your time spider-monkey'ing.
• It's her own fault.
• MAX! Where did he go? Will someone please watch him for me? I'm watching a show here!
• If she rolls her eyes at him one more time......
• Wow, did she really think he was the one?
• Quit being a snot!
• Brad, check your cufflinks, pull down your jacket, fiss with your collar. Pop your fingers. Again.
• No hug? Nothing? Seriously. Rude.
• She's in the safari limo.
• Now she turns sweet.
• She wishes she could have smiled?
• Pretty sure Em and Chantel have been standing there for like an hour and a half. It is probably 100+ degrees.....
• Ok, he's back.
• Chantel doesn't pick the cutest dresses....
• Is that a stain on Emily's dress?
• He is totally talking Ashley up.
• Quit yapping about her, everyone is HOT! I am freaking hot!
• Nervous Brad.
• Man, I would kill to look like Emily. Brown eyes, blonde hair. Sigh.
• Why the hell are they staying in Africa to meet his family?
• I would rather die than 'find love' in Africa.
• Damn, next week is a reunion show. Hate that!
• Ashley is so whiney.
• Shark date? WHY?? Would anyone ever say, "I better take her to look at sharks. That will tell me if she is right for me,"
• NO! Brad!! Don't get mad at Emily! Why is he crying?? Don't send her home? Don't go!
• Brad is still a mess.
• Call your therapist my dear.
• See you next week.