Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with all the expectations I put upon myself and I feel like other put on me. No wonder I feel like crap-o all the time, I feel constant guilt because I can't physically or mentally keep up! I made a list of all the things I feel expected to do and whether or not I am meeting those, pretty much to show Benj because he didn't get it. Of course he thinks it is ridiculous. Just to name a few: Daily scriptures, personal prayer, family prayer, spouse prayer, visiting teaching, enrichment activities, attending all church meetings, food storage, attending temple (church stuff), at least dinner each night (should be all meals really), deep-ish clean once a week, daily sweep, counters, general clean up, vacuum if needed, keep yard up, get the mail and go thru it, dishes, pack Max's diaper bag at least twice, make bottles, do all feeding, Max meds, diaper changes, bathing, lotioning, put to sleep, clean up throw up & dirty diapers, teach Max (gospel, crawl, walk, books, etc), keep different stimuli going with him, work part time (there is a lot involved in that = STRESS), meet Benj's emotional & spiritual needs as a wife, keep him 'satisfied', visit & keep up relationships with both sides of family (& friends), keep myself fed and dressed and halfway clean, etc, etc, ETC. Let alone anything extra, like helping family, Dr. appointments, or going on a date. And no really, that is not all of them, I just can't think of them all. My hell, I can't take it sometimes. I really don't feel like any of these things are asking too much, just normal for a mom & wife & employee. I don't want to hear the 'welcome to motherhood' line, I KNOW that this is part of it, and maybe I wasn't ready. Maybe I wasn't ready for marriage. The whole "He won't give you anything you can't handle" idea sometimes just doesn't make any sense to me. I guess I'll go take an Ativan. Or two.
5 comments:
i feel the same way. i think facebook is the root of my problems. but i dont think i'll ever give it up
I could tell you were down this week. Sometimes it is too much. it is life, but i think sometimes life expects alot. i always feel like i can't keep up/not as good as the next person. one thing that i heard helps (haven't tried it yet) is every night tell yourself something you DID do, not what you didn't get done. EX: max is bathed and in bed. Swept the bathroom.
Take two Ativan...for hell sake.
Too bad Mormons can't drink. Or maybe it's better that we don't. We may all be raging alcoholics. Take a Saturday off and go get a damn massage.
Hi Sarah, I usually never post things on peoples blogs or even Facebook but I wanted to write you in hopes of giving you something to think about. Sorry if is it unwelcome. I cant relate to your situation 100% because we don't have kids yet but I can understand your frustration. I don't even get half of those non-kid duties done and I don't have a job!! But I have found the best way to make my husband happy is for me to have joy in my life. I quit my job because it was not at all satisfying, (even though we are SUPER poor!)I also gave up yard work altogether. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do with myself and what brings that joy but the fact I am working on it makes life tons better. Some ideas, a new hobby, a class thats an interesting subject to you or working toward a career. I hope the best for you and your super cute family.
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