birth control

Can I just take a moment here and talk about the last 30 minutes of my Tuesday babysitting adventure. I know I have brought this up before, and I'm going to bring it up again. Close your eyes (not literally) and picture this:

In the background: 6 hound dogs, a "coyote" dog, and 2 mutts, barking/howling, not even exaggerating, for 1 hour straight. A tired bronchitis Max semi-whining. I also have Em's 2 kids and a neighbor kid. Neighbor kid is going to the bathroom and I hear glass shatter. I run in and a piece of pottery or whatever had fallen and broke. I'm holding whiney bronchitis, mind you, who is now also sleepy AND has started to throw himself backward, you know how they do.... I tell the kid to go outside and play. 400 dogs still chiming in the background. I lay down bronchitis and tie a balloon to him. Go in and try to pick up the glass, which for some reason is all wet..... Insert: Owen yelling from the back door: "Sardee, you have to come squirt off my foot!" I'm sweaty sweaty and shuffled, bronchitis is hysterical, pick him back up. ME: "Why, Owen, do I need to squirt off your foot? For hell sakes!!" OWEN: "I didn't see and accidentally stepped in poop. I didn't see it Sardee," Meanwhile, one of the hounds has gotten out and is on top of the neighbors 20 foot hay stack, her saggy nipples flopping all over. I had to add that part because it specifically pissed me off. Sweat. Tell Owen that under no circumstance is he to step foot in the house. Go wipe it on clean lawn, dip it in the pool, and I'll be out in a second. Bark bark. He's crying because "coyote" dog is following him around licking him. I yell at dog. I yell at the 4 other dogs who have migrated on the back step and are howling and licking and trying to get in. I might have kicked one. I hate those damn dogs. Flip through the pantry to find a cardboard something to put the glass in. Dump out oatmeal, head for the bathroom. Bronchitis cry cry, grab my hair, flop backward. Sweating heavily. Why is the house so damn hot?? OWEN: "Sardee, hurry!!" ME: "Hang ON!" OWEN: "Dudley (the 'coyote' dog) is licking my face!" ME: "Kick him!!" Bronchitis cry, whine. Pick up glass in bathroom. Why is it wet? Bark. Go outside, sweating, turn on hose. 45 dogs licking, 'nose-ing' me, etc. Tell Owen to sit his butt down on the step, I'm going to spray. Spray poopy foot. Doesn't come off. Try to get back up the steps, sweat. Dogs in the way. Bronchitis. I get in, find the box of baby wipes and throw them out the door. Tell Owen to wipe his foot as good as he can, put on his crocs and come inside and sit his ass down on the couch until I can gather myself. Bronchitis whine, thrust backward, grab my hair. Step on wet carpet. What is this? Oh, Owen spilled milk on the rug earlier and didn't tell me. Warm milk rug kuh-kuh on my foot. Speaking of my foot, while outside, I evidently stepped in mud or dirt or who-the-hell-knows-what and tracked it thru the house. Owen comes in, looks like he peed his pants. I know I squirted him, but not up there..? Owen, did you pee? No, Sardee. Whatever, I don't even care. Also, in the meantime, the neighbor kid's brother comes over to get him, didn't shut the front door, 9 million of those 'listless' flies come in and are hovering around. I hate listless flies. Bark. Howl. He doesn't dare get by the dogs who are bursting through the back door. I am yelling for kid to go home, his brother is here to get him. Poop foot. Sweat. Bronchitis. Then it dawned on me why the glass was wet. Kid was peeing, scared him, pee all over the floor. Em came home and I hit the door runnin. My hell. In her defense, the kids really were good, it was just a shuffle at the end there, and thank goodness Anna slept thru it....geez! Pretty much Max is looking like an only child. **SIGH**