Tuesday, October 27, 2009

3 people I'd rather DIE than be in an elevator with

I saw somewhere someone posted the top 5 people they'd like to be in an elevator with, and with me beign the pessimist I am, automatically thought of a few people I freaking can't stand. I had to share.

#1 Carrot Top

Do I even need to exaplin myself? Quite possibly the most nauseating, galling, grating person I've ever come across. Just the name Carrot Top is enough to throw by stomach acids over the edge. I just threw up in my mouth.

#2 Rosie O'Donell



This picture kind of sums up 2 people I can't tolerate. Anyway, she's not funny, she's not cute, she's manly, she's boisterous and innapropriate and I think she has stupid things to say and obnoxious opinions. I might try to hurt her in an elevator. I could take her. {Don't say 'comic relief' in the background and don't wear that jean jacket and hold it like that}.

#3 is a 3 way tie between Jerry Springer, Dan the Laptop Man, and The Osmond Family.
Jerry is obvious.

"Dan, the Laptop Man" seriously says some of the dumbest things I could even imagine saying. He's even got his freaking kids doing it. I aplaud the whole "entrepreneur" thing, but my hell. (EX: "PC Laptops makes me all warm and fuzzy") And it's not just that loathesome statement, he emphasizes awkward words and parts of words. (EX "PC Laptops, We love YOU") You have to hear him to get the full effect here. Kind of like saying 'You peed your pants' instead of "You peed your pants." Like it is normal to pee yourself, but you peed your pants?! You feel me? I may have lost a few of you there.

and lastly, the Osmonds. I hesitate to say this because my in-laws are big fans. They are all into watching Donny on Dancing With the Stars (which really, those last 7 words is enough for me to be turned off and tuned out and dry heave a little). I'm not really sure what is is about these people that bothers me so much. My mom has a strong influence on me about them growing up, but I am not sure she knows why there is such a huge disconnect there, either. They are CHEESE city to start with. I don't know even what to say, but I for sure don't want to see, talk to, or dance with any of them. It is annoying just solely how big that stupid picture is.
While posting, I decided I really don't want to be in an elevator with anyone. It's awkward because I feel like people are eyeing me thinking "She could use the exercise, why the hell didn't she take the stairs?" and so on. I also just don't want to fake smile to people, start dumb conversations, chat about 'what floor' you are going to, or really make any eye contact.

Why so much negativity you say? There are few I'd like to, or at least wouldn't mind, meeting in an elevator. Ashton Kutcher being one. When it really comes right down to it, I'd be uncomfortable because he is beautiful, so maybe not. But for sure the black Allstate insurance guy. (Is it bad to say 'black' right there?)


I serioulsy love him. I want him to read stories to me at night. I want him to rub my feet. I want him to talk to me about important life decisions, eat popcorn, and watch a movie on a snowy night. He is so calming and soothing, I just want to sigh, and, kind of, switch to Allstate insurance, really. This is really strange for me if you know me at all to be so intrigued a African American Insurance salesman.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Convicts and a large mango

So we went hunting this weekend with Benj's dad, brother and Tamie up in Logan canyon. It was super nice to get out and in the fresh air. The weather was beautiful, borderline hot, even. Didn't see a deer, or anything really. A huge abundance of chipmunks, freaky almost. It must be the 'year' of the chipmunks. So as I saw all the men dressed in orange, a thought came, which led the a few other random thoughts:
  • Why do hunters and convicts dress the same? Does everyone realize they are carrying guns? Really, who are these people? A little fishy, is all I'm saying.
  • I hate wearing socks, particularly long ones. Shuffle half way down to your ankle, have to pull them up every 3 minutes, which sucks when you are a prego biggie.

  • It has been a long time since I've seen a falling star! Actually saw a few!

  • I can't cook. Or even really take food out of bags and put it on a plate. Anxiety.

  • I am deathly afraid of coyotes. I'm laying there in the tent, (which, I am usually a trailer girl) on the edge closest to the wall, listening to the howling of a coyote 'pack' and thinking "They will attack the outside of the tent first. Tamie is on the other side. I hope they go for her, because I am 'with child'......" and so on and so forth. In the middle of these thoughts, Benj leans over and says, "You know, they will attack the outside people first," and then giggles .... Puke.

  • Really, I am quite afraid of being outdoors lately. I grew up camping and never really had an issue, but I was scared of every little sound, scared the fire was going cause a bigger fire and we wouldn't be able to get away, scared we'd run out of water, etc. I hate girls like that! I don't want to be her! Damn!

  • And last, I can't even believe how freaking uncomfortable I am. I have a long way to go. Pregnancy is a really cool thing yet a really crappy thing. Heartburn, can't breathe, can't walk, back hurts, contacts don't work, feet swollen, fatty, etc. It is really cool to feel him move and know he is ok. It will all be worth it. Really, I will be 6 months Saturday, that isn't bad. Over half-way.

So this week, he is a pound and a 'large mango' and next week the length of a ear of corn. Supposed to gain 1/4 to 1/3 of a pound this week. Getting big!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Movement!

I've got definate movement for the first time tonight! Yeah! It's about time, I was starting to get worried. It almost, borderline, makes me nauseated. He's a spaghetti squash this week - hit the 1 pound mark!
He's getting his pancreas and teeth buds this week. That sounds really wierd.

In my browsing for baby stuff, I have found a few cute websites lately:
http://www.babysteals.com/ (good one, EM, you will like this)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Max the carrot


So I'm 21 weeks today, and Max is the length of a carrot (almost 11 inches). He was a banana last week and yesterday I looked on my counter and saw a banana, and gee, it must have been a oager banana or something but that thing looked huge! I guess he really is just getting big! It's been a while since I've posted, have had a rough week or two. To sum it up, baby is growing and looks great, no cleft lip, no club feet, no wierd brain tumor, just normal, swimmin around constantly moving! I know this not because I can feel him, but because I have a doppler at home and listen to him galivanting around all the time. Any time now though. It worries me slightly that I can't feel him, however, I am sure I will eat my words and wish he'd stop for five seconds once he starts. My placenta is in front + I am a biggie + a first timer, thus the wait.


I think lightbulbs are in the 'neutral' section of my mind. It's not solid though, I'm still thinking.


So, some advice (I need):


  • Do you wait until later/after baby to decide what kind of binki he likes?

  • Anyone have opinions about what the best bottles are (i'm not breastfeeding..)

Well, sorry i don't really have anything funny, witty, or even entertaining to say, so I will leave you with some words or genious from Jack Handy:


As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.


To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks." {MY FAVORITE!!!}


We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?